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What is wrong with me?

  • 16-10-2020 9:57pm
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭

    I'm here looking for people's opinions, for quite awhile now I've been trying to put my life back to together after a nervous breakdown which lead to self destruction, relationship break up, I have never harmed anyone btw, just myself, that has been 4 years since I had my breakdown, I've noticed that I spend alot of time in my own company but not by choice,some friends have shunned me,some just blank me or exclude me, there is no wealth in my opinion to them, the easiest thing to do is walk away,however I'm a middle aged man and making friends or a new social circle is difficult in these times, I've no partner,children, savings or a home of my own, I feel I've missed all those opportunities and the chance to love someone and experience fatherhood. Ultimately I feel I've failed in my life and cant see an improvement,is it wrong to want to check out? Or do I continue this life which is becoming a torture, can anyone give me guidance or imput as wat to do? I feel like I cant roll the dice of life anymore.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10 Dublinia16


    I've had depressive episodes since my teens which is decades ago now. I managed to get a degree and a postgraduate, established a successful career for 15 years and married a wonderful person.

    However, I have always been tortured to some extent by a dysfunctional childhood ( cliché..yeuch!) And I had a complete nervous breakdown that started with a descent into alcoholism from self medicating with alcohol at the weekend...then progressed from there.
    I went to rehab in Wexford for alcoholism. And while it worked for others, I was still floundering in sobriety.
    I was referred to st. Pat's last year and I have learned more there and in the time since than I did in years previous trying to find the key to my own psyche. While there I had group therapy, one to one counseling, lectures about topics related to my diagnosis, my husband was invited to come to a session with my counselor which proved very rewarding. There was information made available on everything from genetic predisposition to certain types of mental illness to how nutrition affects the mind, for example: vit D deficiency can cause depression and weight gain.
    I was able to try out classes on activities like yoga/pottery/knitting/meditation/art/mindful colouring etc and had sessions with an occupational therapist to help me create a self care plan to aid recovery and look after my mental health in the future. It was all there for me to explore and helped hugely. I was referred to an outpatient day program then in compassion focused therapy which I'm now doing virtually over Microsoft teams and am finding it is helping me address self destructive behaviours which stemmed from a negative self image. I'm making progress with blocks I've had forever that I thought would never change.

    I don't feel I'm in a position to offer you more than that information, by which I mean I wouldn't be able to get into a conversation about your specific problems. But I can tell you that I came from a place of absolute disconnection with everything and everyone around me to that of finding parts of myself that I feel are worthwhile and valuable today. I have rediscovered a sense of fun and the enjoyment from connecting with others in more meaningful ways.

    I applaud you for reaching out by asking for help. It takes real courage to speak a truth so rarely shared so gather that courage and reach out/seek out professionals who have encountered many (nd I was amazed at just how many.) people who feel exactly like you describe. Your GP can give you recommendations for counselors/psychologists or psychiatrists, depending on which you need. You CAN turn things around to regain a sense of self worth and enable you to pursue the things you want in your life that you say you are missing. It's very hard to create a good life when you feel broken inside and don't know where or how to start.

    I wish you well and hope you have a shorter journey than I in terms of how long it takes to reach the right people to help(decades!). They are out there, all you need is the willingness to be honest and vulnerable with the right therapist and learn new coping skills. Finding the right path starts with asking your GP for recommendations, or you could ask for advice in how to find them via sites like


  • Registered Users Posts: 28,038 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78

    Have you received much professional help since your breakdown?

  • Registered Users Posts: 10 Dublinia16

    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    Have you received much professional help since your breakdown?

    Hi there

    There are various post discharge resources made available so you're not left without support if you need it but it's up to you whether you want them or not.

    I attend sessions every few months via the Dean clinic with a psychiatrist from my treating team.

    I attended a 3 month aftercare program when I left st.pats. it was a half day there once a week which consisted of group therapy and lectures , workshops etc.

    I gave permission for my GP to receive my post discharge report and she gives me my prescriptions as indicated by pat's. I am on a maintenance dose of antidepressants and look at them as necessary in much the same way I'd take blood pressure medication if I needed it.

  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 89,382 Mod ✭✭✭✭Capt'n Midnight

    Moving to Personal Issues.

    Please see charter and have a look at the resource links.

  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,612 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith

    Hi candycock

    Please know that you do not have to deal with this on your own.

    We encourage people experiencing difficulties to talk to someone they trust and, if appropriate, to go to their GP. If you need help urgently and outside of GP hours, please go to your nearest A&E department.

    Here at our moderators are not trained to support people experiencing difficulties. There are other organisations better positioned to provide specialised support. These organisations are listed below. We hope that you will follow these up so that you can get the help and support you need.

    If you need immediate help:
    Aware’s Support Line is open 7 days per week, 10am-10pm on 1800 804 848

    The Samaritan’s phone line is open 24/7 on 116 123

    Pieta offer one-to-one, face-to-face support. Click 'Contact us' to find the phone number and opening hours of your nearest branch on their site or email [email protected] for advice on getting an appointment.

    If you need non-urgent help:
    Aware have a support email service at [email protected]

    There are some other useful services that you can use also listed here.

    Also, ‘50808’ is a first of its kind for Ireland, a free 24/7 text service, providing everything from a calming chat to immediate support for people going through a mental health or emotional crisis. Crisis Volunteers are available 24/7 for anonymous text conversations.

    Best wishes


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