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Facing single parenthood and shiftwork

  • 01-10-2020 10:09pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 807 ✭✭✭ Jenneke87


    Hi everyone,

    Mods: if this is the wrong category, please move.

    I'd like to get your perspective on this, especially if you're also a single parent in a similar situation.

    So, 2,5 weeks ago I found out I'm pregnant. Quite a shock as my boyfriend and I are no longer together. He doesn't know yet, and I doubt he'd be much involved. I never had a strong desire to have a child, so it's taking me some time to get around the idea. I'm not sure how far along I am, the scan I had last week said 6 weeks. I had to come back today as there was no heartbeat yet and the lady said she didn't agree with the 6 weeks previously stated and claimed I was no further than 5 weeks yet so it was normal that there was no heartbeat yet. I find it a bit strange because the last time " anything happend" was the beginning of August, so shouldn't I be further along?

    So, for the dilemma that I'm having. I've calmed down a bit since finding out I'm pregnant and am open to the idea of having a child. However I work shifts, either starting between 06:15-07:00, or between 14:00-15:00 finishing at 23:00, or nightshifts, starting at 23:00 and finishing at 07:00 the following morning. Since we are open 24/7 I'd also have to work weekends and holidays.

    I have no netwerk to fall back on. Parents live abroad, I have no friends (I literally mean none) one sister that lives nearby, who'd be willing to babysit maybe a night a week, but that's it) and another sister who lives about two hours away from here with a young child of her own. So when I say I'm on my own, I mean it, I'm literally on my own.

    I don't know how I'm going to cope with a baby and doing shift work. Where would I leave the baby at night, or during the evening when I have to work late? Is there anyone who has done this and how do you do it? I don't live in Ireland, and in my country we have what we call a "children's hotel" where they can look after the baby during odd hours and it could be a solution (but my god it's expensive) yet is also has me thinking:" Is that what I"m having a baby for, so I can leave him/her at a children's hotel and pick it up around midnight and dragging it across town to go home? That can't be good for a child either...?

    I've considered finding another job, but I doubt anyone will hire a pregnant woman who'd have to go on maternity leave by the time she's settled. Also, I have a permanent contract and earn quite well, which is something I'm going to need if I want to take care of this baby, but I don't know how I'd deal with the shifts and the baby, and taking care of the house, the pets, cooking, cleaning, night feeds, etc. all on my own. So, single parents who do shift work, how do you do it?


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 185 ✭✭ margo321


    Just wanted to wish you well. I am a childminder for parents you do shift work. Days are long hours early or late and seven days a week. It suits me as not five days a week and I get to stay home with my own kids. Just wanted to say it is possible. Best of luck

    quote="Jenneke87;114793973"]Hi everyone,

    Mods: if this is the wrong category, please move.

    I'd like to get your perspective on this, especially if you're also a single parent in a similar situation.

    So, 2,5 weeks ago I found out I'm pregnant. Quite a shock as my boyfriend and I are no longer together. He doesn't know yet, and I doubt he'd be much involved. I never had a strong desire to have a child, so it's taking me some time to get around the idea. I'm not sure how far along I am, the scan I had last week said 6 weeks. I had to come back today as there was no heartbeat yet and the lady said she didn't agree with the 6 weeks previously stated and claimed I was no further than 5 weeks yet so it was normal that there was no heartbeat yet. I find it a bit strange because the last time " anything happend" was the beginning of August, so shouldn't I be further along?

    So, for the dilemma that I'm having. I've calmed down a bit since finding out I'm pregnant and am open to the idea of having a child. However I work shifts, either starting between 06:15-07:00, or between 14:00-15:00 finishing at 23:00, or nightshifts, starting at 23:00 and finishing at 07:00 the following morning. Since we are open 24/7 I'd also have to work weekends and holidays.

    I have no netwerk to fall back on. Parents live abroad, I have no friends (I literally mean none) one sister that lives nearby, who'd be willing to babysit maybe a night a week, but that's it) and another sister who lives about two hours away from here with a young child of her own. So when I say I'm on my own, I mean it, I'm literally on my own.

    I don't know how I'm going to cope with a baby and doing shift work. Where would I leave the baby at night, or during the evening when I have to work late? Is there anyone who has done this and how do you do it? I don't live in Ireland, and in my country we have what we call a "children's hotel" where they can look after the baby during odd hours and it could be a solution (but my god it's expensive) yet is also has me thinking:" Is that what I"m having a baby for, so I can leave him/her at a children's hotel and pick it up around midnight and dragging it across town to go home? That can't be good for a child either...?

    I've considered finding another job, but I doubt anyone will hire a pregnant woman who'd have to go on maternity leave by the time she's settled. Also, I have a permanent contract and earn quite well, which is something I'm going to need if I want to take care of this baby, but I don't know how I'd deal with the shifts and the baby, and taking care of the house, the pets, cooking, cleaning, night feeds, etc. all on my own. So, single parents who do shift work, how do you do it?[/quote]


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,422 Mod ✭✭✭✭ shesty


    I think...at this point...just hang on and see how far along you are first.That would probably be the first thing.
    As regards the shiftwork, it won't be easy, but you never know what you could find in terms of a minder or similar.I suggest once the baby arrives you see can you join some local breastfeeding groups, or do prenatal yoga during the pregnancy, as that will help you get to know other mums and what is going on in the area.It takes a village to raise a child but these days with all the different living situations, that village isn't always immediate family.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,362 ✭✭✭✭ Purple Mountain


    If you're good at your job and an asset to the company, could you ask that you be given set daytime hours?
    You could offer some leverage like saying you'd be open to working bank holidays or cutting back to a 4 day week to save them money, if you could afford it and they wanted to make savings?
    The father of your baby needs to contribute towards child care costs too or make arrangements for him or his family to help out too.

    To thine own self be true



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