Can relationship doubts like this pass or are we incompatible?

hollymc9

We met working in a hotel towards the end of 2017, both Leaving Cert students at the time. We ended up wanting to go to the same college. Things were amazing and I feel so safe and comfortable with him. We have a myriad of cute traditions and inside jokes, after 2.5 years.

Thing is, when we started dating initially I personally thought it would only last a few months and we were both going to the same college . I guess at the time I had a silly notion I needed to be well into my 20s before dating someone so seriously. But honestly, I was/am so happy I didn't care anymore and couldn't imagine a future without him as my husband, which is crazy!

The reason I have doubts is probably really stupid. Sometimes I feel like my BF is a little immature. His friends can be super childish and often take advantage of my BF's good nature and he's too naive to see it? He is a doormat to them. He tells me sometimes he feels like he misses out/doesn't see them enough yet won't tell me when he wants to hang with them. Sometimes I pretend to be busy so he'll spend time with them as I worry he'll resent me if he keeps missing out. He tells me he feels guilty if he chooses to see them over me and I always tell him that's silly, but he doesn't listen and then gets disappointed when he misses out? Often he'll be bored and texting me from their shared apartment saying he wishes I was here/"ugh all they do is drink tea and play FIFA". I don't get what he wants? I was quite sick with tonsillitis, stuck in bed a few days, about a year ago and he called me/texted etc but said once I was better "it was great to have a few nights with the lads, I don't get that much". This really hurt. I could barely swallow water, had a temperature and my face was swollen for days. I was in a bad way and there he was all happy he got time away from me. He has also said he wishes he had more time to play the PlayStation and that in a weird way he enjoyed all that time off work/not being able to see me during lockdown because he had soo much PlayStation time. This puzzles me as he was calling me every night during lockdown, sent me chocolate and was crazy to see me again.

He has a tendancy to jokingly fat shame and it makes me feel awkward. We'll watch a show where a female character is pregnant and he'll go "oh she's chonk" and laugh, really any woman over a size 12 I guess? He made a joke about how desperate his friend was to date this chubby girl and I got mad. Yet when I make the same joke about his friend who is easily 230lbs at 5ft7, it is "cruel"? He also lacks any real interest in politics/world affairs. Heck I taught him what left and right wing meant. It worries me he just copies my opinions verbatim and figures I'm well read so it must be the right opinion? Also he forgets to brush his teeth a lot in the morning and I feel like a mom reminding him.

The doubts have been growing as of late. I kinda pushed them aside because I was so happy. I only started panicking about 6 weeks back when us moving in together next year became a real possibility. I thought I wanted this but now it makes me nervous, like if I do this I can't leave. I still love my time with him. He is still really sweet to me. I keep thinking "what if there is someone better suited to me out there?" And I've never had a wandering eye. I feel sick with guilt at times. Is it possible this will pass?

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Closed pending review.