Prostitution in Ireland Fear,criminal ?

Bobdn37

am posting on here out of pure desperation,Ive made a terrible mistake in that I visited a escort a couple of weekends ago while completely blackout drunk,I don't actually know what I was thinking but I never did anything like this before and I'm someone you could say with a history of disability and have had no sexual contact with a woman for over 10 years,No excuse I know.
So I only remember parts of the night but on my way out I do remember being stopped by the Guardai who asked me at least 3 questions but could be more,
where I'm coming from?
name?
address?

I answered all questions but said I was at a mates,
Still unsure if they actually knew where I was because there were a lot of guards about that night monitoring pubs and they might have wanted to find out if any were still opened,

Anyway,now I'm in a terrible state of anxiety and worry that I might some day get a summons for this which would completely ruin me and my family,reputation ,standing in community etc.

Now I've pretty much read everything online regarding Irish law and the number of convictions for this are extremely low but this is no comfort,

Perhaps I am feeling guilt and shame for involving myself in something like that.I do feel bad for these women and didn't realize so many were trafficked.

At the moment I'm at a very low EB considering suicide for the worry that of this sort of thing came out in court which would bring shame on my family.
I completely take responsibility for this myself but don't see why my family should suffer,
It's almost like a life sentence to be named and shamed like that.
I'm absolutely horrified at my behaviour and it was out of character for me,Its not that I'm just sorry I was (likely) caught but also to view these woman in such ways makes me feel great disgust and. shame.

I don't know what to do,I can't even talk to anyone about it because I do t want to hurt any of my friends or family

Danye

Bobdn37 wrote: »

am posting on here out of pure desperation,Ive made a terrible mistake in that I visited a escort a couple of weekends ago while completely blackout drunk,I don't actually know what I was thinking but I never did anything like this before and I'm someone you could say with a history of disability and have had no sexual contact with a woman for over 10 years,No excuse I know.
So I only remember parts of the night but on my way out I do remember being stopped by the Guardai who asked me at least 3 questions but could be more,
where I'm coming from?
name?
address?

I answered all questions but said I was at a mates,
Still unsure if they actually knew where I was because there were a lot of guards about that night monitoring pubs and they might have wanted to find out if any were still opened,

Anyway,now I'm in a terrible state of anxiety and worry that I might some day get a summons for this which would completely ruin me and my family,reputation ,standing in community etc.

Now I've pretty much read everything online regarding Irish law and the number of convictions for this are extremely low but this is no comfort,

Perhaps I am feeling guilt and shame for involving myself in something like that.I do feel bad for these women and didn't realize so many were trafficked.

At the moment I'm at a very low EB considering suicide for the worry that of this sort of thing came out in court which would bring shame on my family.
I completely take responsibility for this myself but don't see why my family should suffer,
It's almost like a life sentence to be named and shamed like that.
I'm absolutely horrified at my behaviour and it was out of character for me,Its not that I'm just sorry I was (likely) caught but also to view these woman in such ways makes me feel great disgust and. shame.

I don't know what to do,I can't even talk to anyone about it because I do t want to hurt any of my friends or family

You were completely drunk. A guard stopped and asked you were you were coming from and your name and address that’s all. As you said they were just probably wondering where you were as in the eyes of the law you shouldn’t of been that drunk in the allotted time frame your suppose to be in pubs.

As far as I thought, you’d have to be told you’d be getting summonsed for alleged offence?

You feel you did something shameful and the effects of the drunk probably adding to your anxiety. I genuinely don’t think you’ve anything to worry about.

I hope this helps somewhat.

Bobdn37

Danye wrote: »

You were completely drunk. A guard stopped and asked you were you were coming from and your name and address that’s all. As you said they were just probably wondering where you were as in the eyes of the law you shouldn’t of been that drunk in the allotted time frame your suppose to be in pubs.

As far as I thought, you’d have to be told you’d be getting summonsed for alleged offence?

You feel you did something shameful and the effects of the drunk probably adding to your anxiety. I genuinely don’t think you’ve anything to worry about.

I hope this helps somewhat.

Thanks for the reply and yes,this is 50% of what my brain keeps telling me but you see I'm also not sure if I gave them my phone number and DOB and I'm also not sure if they said
You'll be hearing from us.

I do have a problem though piecing the whole day/night together and have ran through it a million times in my head and I'm sure I've read stuff online that might have altered my memories and added some stuff in.
I don't usually drink you see.

I guess I should just concentrate on what you said because I honestly don't know what happened in full but I will die of depression/anxiety if I don't stop thinking the worst

partyguinness

TBH if the Guard thought you were lying and suspicious he would have hauled in for more questionning.

I know it is easy for us to say but I think you have left this build up into something it is not in your head and the paranoia is kicking in.

Try to forget about it and move on. Sincerely doubt you will hear anymore.

Bobdn37

partyguinness wrote: »

TBH if the Guard thought you were lying and suspicious he would have hauled in for more questionning.

I know it is easy for us to say but I think you have left this build up into something it is not in your head and the paranoia is kicking in.

Try to forget about it and move on. Sincerely doubt you will hear anymore.

You're not wrong,I've definitely built this up and it just shows what a demon the drink is. I have had the fear for 3 or 4 weeks straight.

I'd better try and get on to a more positive line of thought

John Hutton

You made a big mistake but it sounds like you got away with it.

You were asked harmless questions by a Garda, they would need far more evidence etc for the other thing, sounds like the Garda questions were entirely separate from the prostitution and it was just coincidence that the Garda asked you anything!

Clazbeag

You mention suicide. The most important thing to do if you are even considering suicide is to reach out for help. Samaritans website is https://www.samaritans.org/?nation=ireland with their contact details.

Things are not as bad as they seem! You are spiralling. Speak to a professionals and they will help you out- it's what they are there for and trained for.

Take care of yourself!

partyguinness

Bobdn37 wrote: »

You're not wrong,I've definitely built this up and it just shows what a demon the drink is. I have had the fear for 3 or 4 weeks straight.

I'd better try and get on to a more positive line of thought

I think we have all been there- I have anyway. Many many times and it is horrible. You get super paranoid after a night out pissed and spiral into despair and paranoia. You think everyone is talking about you and you're less than pond scum.

I still cringe over crap I did 20 years ago. In fact, I didn’t show my face around home after the millennium New Year celebration for a good 6 months due to paranoia. I was speaking to a good friend that summer who was out that night also and he said he was in the exact same boat and didn’t surface for months but at least I was away at university.

The only cure is time.

eddiervp20

Hi OP.
You have absolutely blown this out of proportion in your head. You were asked a few questions by a guard.
My guess is you have not encountered many Guards in your life but its perfectly routine for People to be stopped and questioned if they appear to be drunk.
If you were to be summoned for paying for sex they could and would not question and charge you there and then.
You would have been brought to the station and charged, its not the same as if they see you pissing on the street and can give you a fixed penalty.
Let it go and I also suggest reaching out if you felt like suicide was an option. Im sure your family would be far more accepting of you paying for sex than having to bury you.

Chin up.

Bobdn37

eddiervp20 wrote: »

Hi OP.
You have absolutely blown this out of proportion in your head. You were asked a few questions by a guard.
My guess is you have not encountered many Guards in your life but its perfectly routine for People to be stopped and questioned if they appear to be drunk.
If you were to be summoned for paying for sex they could and would not question and charge you there and then.
You would have been brought to the station and charged, its not the same as if they see you pissing on the street and can give you a fixed penalty.
Let it go and I also suggest reaching out if you felt like suicide was an option. Im sure your family would be far more accepting of you paying for sex than having to bury you.

Chin up.

Thanks a mill for the words of encouragement from everyone,feeling a lot better about it now.Im not proud of myself obviously but people do worse things,

Scary thing is though that because paying for sex is a summary offence and minor,they do have the power to just issue you with a summons after the prosecution is approved by the DPP but in Ireland it is rare that they have enough evidence to prosecute. I think only 3 or 4 have been prosecuted since the law was established in 2017,

Absolutely right,I need to get out of this spiral of anxiety and paranoia.
I will certainly reach out to the Samaritans or Pieta house if things get worse but glad to get some kind words from you lot today so maybe tomorrow will be better

Bobdn37

partyguinness wrote: »

I think we have all been there- I have anyway. Many many times and it is horrible. You get super paranoid after a night out pissed and spiral into despair and paranoia. You think everyone is talking about you and you're less than pond scum.

I still cringe over crap I did 20 years ago. In fact, I didn’t show my face around home after the millennium New Year celebration for a good 6 months due to paranoia. I was speaking to a good friend that summer who was out that night also and he said he was in the exact same boat and didn’t surface for months but at least I was away at university.

The only cure is time.

Me too funny enough and I'm just sorry I didn't learn my lesson this time around, actually gave up the drink for a good few years but started dabbling in it again recently,Time I think is the only cure as you say and you can't beat that fealing of having a clear conscience
The Demon Drink doesn't help either I suppose

Bobdn37

John Hutton wrote: »

You made a big mistake but it sounds like you got away with it.

You were asked harmless questions by a Garda, they would need far more evidence etc for the other thing, sounds like the Garda questions were entirely separate from the prostitution and it was just coincidence that the Garda asked you anything!

Cheers,you are right of course,but in my head at times the last few weeks I'm thinking maybe they had cameras everywhere,they were staking out the place,they knew my every move,

Sounds crazy rite,I'm really beginning to see I'm paranoid

Kylta

I think the posters are right you just being a big paranoid, besides if your single and your caught with a prostitute, who cares, its only a fine. Life is way to short to be worried about trivial things. You didn't murder or rob anybody. So get on with your life. Have a drink you might even visit her again and hopefully you'll remember the experience next time around.

Bobdn37

Kylta wrote: »

I think the posters are right you just being a big paranoid, besides if your single and your caught with a prostitute, who cares, its only a fine. Life is way to short to be worried about trivial things. You didn't murder or rob anybody. So get on with your life. Have a drink you might even visit her again and hopefully you'll remember the experience next time around.

My days dabbling in that sort of thing are over and ironically and funny enough,nothing even happened between us because I was so drunk,I sat and chatted for 20 mins and left,
If Nightclubs ever open again I'll just go there or might have to actually up my game in real life from now on

Limpy

For 5 minutes of pleasure your contribution to an industry that causes so much devastation for women around the world. Sex slaves, human trafficking ect. In theory you should be hoping people get caught.

cmac2009

Limpy wrote: »

For 5 minutes of pleasure your contribution to an industry that causes so much devastation for women around the world. Sex slaves, human trafficking ect. In theory you should be hoping people get caught.

Give the self-righteous soapboxing a rest ffs, he's clearly stated it was a once off mistake whilst inebriated, which he obviously regrets enormously judging by his comments.

Kylta

Limpy wrote: »

For 5 minutes of pleasure your contribution to an industry that causes so much devastation for women around the world. Sex slaves, human trafficking ect. In theory you should be hoping people get caught.

Well the answer to the above lies with the state, why don't they legalise prostitution, take the criminal element out of it. The tax the ladies/men pay can afford them protection from the state in regards to security and health. Problem solved.

BorneTobyWilde

100% you would be arrested under current law. Not just asked your name.

You have NOTHING to worry about.

Another example of how stupid the law is in Ireland regarding this. As for pity for the escort, if she is just an independent escort she would have been glad for the business

Wibbs

I think you're in the clear but Clazbeag's post bears repeating for anyone feeling like this.

Clazbeag wrote: »

You mention suicide. The most important thing to do if you are even considering suicide is to reach out for help. Samaritans website is https://www.samaritans.org/?nation=ireland with their contact details.

Closed, before we get too much extra sanctimony...