Attention seeking on social media

LegacyUser

I would like your thoughts on this situation that I've encountered a few times in my dating life. I pretty much only date through Tinder and sometimes I get lucky and really get on with a girl. We might go on a few dates and then eventually we end up following each other on social media, Instagram usually. Nothing unusual there.

But I've noticed a few girls that I've dated recently (typically in the 25-30 age bracket) are notorious social media fiends. They would post something on their story maybe 2 or 3 times a day, some innocuous stuff, and then some not so much. Sometimes they'd have multiple thousands of followers and seem to be playing to the masses.

Some of them I would define as 'thirst trap' posters. If you don't know what that is, it's where they would post a suggestive or very revealing picture of themselves solely to strike up arousal from their followers. It's really odd because when I've gone on dates with them they seem very down to earth and in no way self-centred so I don't know where it stems from.

Maybe I'm out of touch with social media, but is this behaviour now becoming the norm? It seems to be becoming a regular thing now with girls I date and it's quite unattractive. I broke up with a girl recently for this kind of thing (I didn't tell her that was part of the reason), but we stayed connected on IG. Last week she literally posted a picture of herself sprawled out on a bed in her lingerie. I couldn't believe it when I saw it and thought to myself why would you put that out there for the world to see. I know I have no right to judge her and have any say in what she does and it's a free country, but as bad as it sounds, I felt a bit embarrassed for her.

Then I started thinking about it and was wondering is this something to be criticised or something I should sympathise with? I could only think that people that do this have some insecurities or self-esteem issues. I could be wrong, but why else would you need validation from random people on the internet?

Maybe I was a bit harsh breaking up with this girl as she was quite lovely and I should have taken the time to talk to her about it. Although I think it would be a very awkward conversation to have in the early stages of dating. Asking if she has insecurities or self-esteem issues would probably send her running!

What would you do if you started dating someone with that behaviour? Would you immediately see it as a reason to run or is it something that could be overcome?

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Hi OP

Thank you for your post. Am I right that you are seeking advice as to whether you should be breaking up with some one because of what they post?

Thanks

HS

LegacyUser

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Mod Note

Hi OP

Thank you for your post. Am I right that you are seeking advice as to whether you should be breaking up with some one because of what they post?

Thanks

HS

Sorry. My post might have turned into a bit of a ramble without getting to the point.

Yes. Am I wrong to breakup with someone because of their social media activity? I figure I have given up on a lot of nice women with a potential for it to get serious just because of this one thing.

bitofabind

You’re not wrong if it’s a dealbreaker for you and something you can’t get beyond. Everyone is entitled to their dealbreakers.

Could you not invest in a bit of old fashioned cyber stalking before you find yourself in a dating scenario with another instahun? Literally 10 minutes googling them with some arbitrary information and you’ll probably save yourself another dilemma the next time you’re flirting with someone online.

ToxicPaddy

I think a lot of this is no more than playing to the masses, building up followers on social media and generating an income from it.

There maybe other issues deeper down such as self confidence issues but sometimes its as simple as making a few quid from it. Only by chatting to them will you find out.

I know someone who's other half is heavily into posting on social media but they are not so it appears that when the other half posts about subjects they are never mentioned or in the picture as I believe they value their privacy, however it appears to work well for both of them.

I think maybe you jumped the gun a bit by breaking up with someone over this without talking to them first. It could have been a simple explanation for them doing it.

If social media is their thing and you're happy for them to do it while you're in a relationship with them but don't want to be involved, the clearly state this at the start and get on with your relationship.

If it's a deal breaker for you or it shows some serious insecurities in that person then maybe it a red flag you need to look out for.

Just my 2c

Sonic the Shaghog

I always add someone on social media before the date that way if there's anything off, such they have been economical with the truth you can cancel the date and not waste your time

Just tell them you've been cat fished before so do it for safety reasons, any girls who are serious about meeting someone have had zero issues with it in my experience

leggo

OP I have to admit I got a bit of a laugh by you asking if they’d go running if you asked if they had low self-esteem. You’re right there: yes, yes they almost definitely would.

I get where you’re coming from though. I’ve known girls who’ve done this successfully and tried to also and, to generalise massively, my own observations would be: looking good and getting dressed up is something they enjoy doing so they figure they may as well try and make it so it’s all they need to do in life, and there’s now a formula out there for doing this successfully that they follow. Same as someone who likes playing football so puts time and energy into trying to be a footballer. It’s fair enough to wonder but I genuinely don’t think there’s any massive psychological issues a good chunk of the planet are going through at the same time here. The likes of Geordie Shore and Love Island have made this a commodified job now, for better or worse, so young people aspire towards it because it connects with their interests and preferred lifestyle. That’s literally it, in my opinion at least.

What you’re learning here is that it’s not something you find attractive and can accept in someone. That’s fine too. Don’t try and bend yourself backwards to understand and accept it just because you find them physically attractive, that’s a fantastic way to waste a lot of time and end up right back where you are right now (or in an unhappy LTR where you’re trying and failing to change someone who doesn’t need/want to be changed). Instead use this moment of reflection to listen to yourself and look for people who you can accept, celebrate and love.

JasonStatham

Yeah it's basically attention seeking. Like, if you're the type who scrawls instagram,you'll see all sorts of "types" sticking out their breasts and butt,. To be honest it just looks like unashamed posing / OTT attention-seeking....is it normal? Who knows?. Is it annoying? Who could say. Should you break up with some attention-seeking instagram-obsessed bimbo, just because she's all over social media? Definitely, if it annoys you.