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Personal Embarrassment

  • 22-08-2020 11:14am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, I hope you're well.

    I'd really like your opinions on this issue.

    For a long time I've suffered with weight issues. Losing and gaining weight and the cycle starts again. Before lockdown (March), I was already overweight. Working from home during lockdown and I return to work next week. I gained almost 3 stone during lockdown, I'm now in the obese category. It's my own fault, I ate uncontrollably and gained a large amount of weight. I haven't seen my colleagues in over 5 months and I am ashamed and embarrassed returning back to see them. I look very bloated and I feel a failure over how I've managed my eating.

    I've a very, very long journey ahead with weight loss, I've 7 stone to lose to get to a healthy weight. I'm making changes to my lifestyle and eventually I believe I can get back to a more healthier and happier me.

    I'm extremely anxious upon returning to work and I'm crying as I type this. Pathetic, I know.

    Thank you for your time in reading this.


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    I really feel for you.
    You've acknowledged the gain and it's not making you healthy or happy.

    Only you can stop it and you can lose weight.

    Try not to worry about those in work. We all battle our demons. There may be some in the same boat as you.
    Just focus on you and no one else.

    Best of luck. You can and and will do this.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey OP!

    I can understand why you feel embarrassed, but try to remember that not everyone dealt with lockdown brilliantly, including myself.

    In the first three months I put on a stone and a half and at one point was drinking a bottle of wine a night. I'd lost my job at the beginning of lockdown and any sense of self control.

    I guarantee you will not be the only one who has put on weight, but even if you are, so what? It's not too late to make changes, I've started couch to 5k and I record what I eat on My Fitness Plan, I recommed doing something similar but I'm sure you are already. Listening to positive affirmations on Spotify or mindfulness tracks on Headspace has helped me too.

    Food was your crutch during the pandemic, other people might have found healthier coping mechanisms but no one decent will think any less of you.

    If your anxiety is really high, maybe think about having a word with your GP, it might make all the difference.

    Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a friend or even a stranger on the internet ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 84 ✭✭cmat


    I completely agree with previous post, same with me 3 stone weight gain and lost my job. Your workmates I'm sure have put on weight like everyone else. With me, I get up and going by planning ahead. Like Il plan to set alarm early, have nice fresh clothes, put n my headphones and throw myself outside the door for a long walk. Please don't beat yourself up, your a fabulous person but it's up to you and you can do what ever you want. Music and fresh air will be the gate to a new you. I put makeup on each day now and don't look darkeyed pale faced everytime. U will be fine x


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 35 iamafoodie


    Oh my goodness you nothing to be embarrassed about.

    Please more self care and way less self hate.

    Please look op health at Evey size, it might finally make you at peace with your body and food.

    See link below to article. It's about diet culture and its evils!

    https://www.outsideonline.com/2408639/anti-diet-book-christy-harrison


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,075 ✭✭✭smellyoldboot


    Hi all, I hope you're well.

    I'd really like your opinions on this issue.

    For a long time I've suffered with weight issues. Losing and gaining weight and the cycle starts again. Before lockdown (March), I was already overweight. Working from home during lockdown and I return to work next week. I gained almost 3 stone during lockdown, I'm now in the obese category. It's my own fault, I ate uncontrollably and gained a large amount of weight. I haven't seen my colleagues in over 5 months and I am ashamed and embarrassed returning back to see them. I look very bloated and I feel a failure over how I've managed my eating.

    I've a very, very long journey ahead with weight loss, I've 7 stone to lose to get to a healthy weight. I'm making changes to my lifestyle and eventually I believe I can get back to a more healthier and happier me.

    I'm extremely anxious upon returning to work and I'm crying as I type this. Pathetic, I know.

    Thank you for your time in reading this.

    I live by one simple motto when it comes to what other people think about any facet of my life or actions: "Fcuk em"

    It helps.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 68 ✭✭Hiitsme


    I know the despair you are in. I have been there myself for many years. Have you ever considered counselling? I lost 6 stone within a year with the help of a counsellor. I went twice a month for a year, a big investment but well worth it. I also joined Slimming World at the same time. That was five years ago and I've kept the weight off. I still dip in and out of SW in order to keep myself in check / maintain control. Classes were closed during lockdown but some are starting to re-open now. I was severely overweight for 20 years. I was locked in a cycle of binge eating and depression. I never thought I would lose the weight. I highly recommend therapy as it's "not what you are eating ... it's what's eating you". Your Therapist will help you get to the root cause of your overeating. It's like any addiction - there is a reason you are turning to food. Once you find out why you will be able to gain control and start losing weight. Someone mentioned self care in an earlier post. Therapy is the best self care you can give yourself. It's the ultimate gift to yourself. I wish you well x


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 199 ✭✭hayoc


    I think you are doing great to be acknowledging that there is a problem and that it is causing you anxiety and for both of these things I would recommend talking to your GP and a good therapist.

    Weight loss is complex. The easy answer is "eat less, move more" but as you well know, this does not take into account an individuals motivation, lack of self control, mental health or even genetics.

    Remember also that although your weight gain is a visible issue for you and you worry about how your colleagues will see you, many people in lockdown suffered invisible issues that just dont show in their body shape, but the effects on their mental health are there - you just cant see them.

    For the most part, people are too self involved to care much about what others weigh. Sure, I might look at someone I havent seen in a while and it registers with me "that person has gained or lost weight" but I dont think about it much beyond that unless the person actually raises it in a conversation with me.

    You are not just your weight. And you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about.


  • Registered Users Posts: 627 ✭✭✭LilacNails


    Hi Op

    If your on Instagram, a great page to follow is trishas transformation. She documents her weight loss journey.

    She put up like 2 or 3 stone during lock down and basically sounds similar to your story. She too has stones to loose. I find her so refreshing, I hugely recommend looking her up. She is also a chef, so she creates so many healthy dishes.

    Honestly there's no need to feel so much shame, you have lost a lot of weight before, you can do it again. You just got to restart again, and that's ok.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,127 ✭✭✭✭fits


    The last few months have been really difficult for a lot of people OP.

    I just finished this course and I really recommend it. It looks at diet but also psychology and habits. Theres support from a qualified nutritionist and a peer support group as well. Its called Second Nature and endorsed by the NHS. Costs 40 quid a month for a 12 week course but I think its worth it. I lost a stone which may not sound like much but I think it will stay off. Might be worth looking into. Nothing faddy about it at all either.


  • Registered Users Posts: 33,022 ✭✭✭✭Penn


    Hi OP,

    Firstly, even though you're in a hard place right now, you're looking forward and looking to improve things rather than letting things get worse. One of the hardest parts is just putting the brakes on and breaking the bad habits to ensure you don't keep putting on more weight, so the fact you've reached that point and have realised you want to change and improve yourself is a great thing.

    Secondly, the lockdown was hard for everyone, and lots of people have put on weight, so don't think you'll be judged extra harshly. Either way, the important thing is making sure you're starting to lose weight rather than continuing to gain it.

    Thirdly, while losing a lot of weight seems like a daunting task and a long journey, it doesn't have to be. Making small changes to begin with can pay dividends in the long run. Smaller portions, calorie counting, using low-calorie ingredients in things you already eat can make for a strong start, as sometimes people go too extreme in the diet and find it much harder to stick to long-term. Small changes to start with, then adding in some more small changes etc continuously as you go will make it not seem like a diet at all, but rather just making better choices.

    I was in a similar position. Had been overweight my entire adult life and at my worst I reached 21 stone. But making those small changes, giving myself the time to lose weight properly, and seeing it not as a diet but as retraining myself to enjoy better food and smaller portions, I lost 8 stone in one year, and while it wasn't always easy, it was never hard or certainly not as hard as I thought it'd be.

    You absolutely can do it, and while you can't shed those 3 stone by the time you return to work next week, you can lose it and more if you want. You've reached a hard place, but it's also a place that can give you the motivation to start a journey that can lead you to a great place.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 501 ✭✭✭cazzer22


    You are not pathetic in any way. Well done you for acknowledging that you'd like to be healthier and taking action. Lockdown has been so hard on everyone and it is only natural that you found a comfort to get through a pandemic. I hope you are ok and remember that weight gain does not define you.

    Start small with healthier changes and they will all add up. X


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,709 ✭✭✭cloudatlas


    Ask for help and support in the fitness forum on boards. I think it sounds like you need some support and possibly advice from either a personal trainer or a dietitian.


  • Registered Users Posts: 443 ✭✭TP_CM


    I suspect you're not alone in this. Gyms were closed, people were told not to leave their homes, but at the same time food was still readily available. There was a huge amount of pressure put on us in different ways and during those times it's natural to lean on comforts such as food, social media, alcohol, or whatever vice one might have. What you've done is nothing terrible or unusual.

    But the key to happiness is not just where we're at but where we're headed for. Put yourself on a path today which is geared towards losing weight and becoming generally healthier. Start with baby steps and gradually add more good habits to your day. Anytime you are anxious, remember that path you're on now. Remember the dress size you're going to be at the Christmas party, and remember most importantly what it feels like to be happy and confident about yourself again. That image is all that's important now.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3 Barb86


    First things first - you are NOT pathetic! Please stop being so mean to yourself. My mum always tells me “talk to yourself how you would to others”. If you were hearing somebody else worried about their weight gain and going back to work, what would you say to them? My guess is you would reassure them, comfort them and be there if they wanted help with getting healthier - please do all this for your lovely self!

    I’m guessing you need some new work clothes so buy yourself things you like and feel comfortable in - not just the cheapest and blackest items you can find because you will “buy nice clothes when you’re slim” (i’ve done this so much in my life!). Buy things that will make you feel more confident and then sell them on in the future when they are too big for you!

    Please don’t be upset about this. This year has been something none of us could have ever predicted and i don’t know a single person who it hasn’t thrown completely. In the grand scale of things, putting on a bit of weight isn’t too bad of an outcome. I’m sure your colleagues haven’t all had perfect times either and they will have coped in their own ways. That will be something that will be part of the reunion - discussing how the hell you coped!

    If anyone is unkind to you, that is more a reflection on them and not you. Another gem from my mum “only care about the opinions of people you love and/ or respect”.

    Wish you all the best going back to work and your journey to a healthier life.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 13 Ladygoodman1


    try not to work yourself up into a state of embarrassment and panic. Its only weight and weight can be lost and will fall off you with a bit work. I guarantee you many of your colleagues will have gained some pounds too its been so stressful. Id suggest join slimming world class if possible. The weight will fall off you. Each week your weighed will be a mega spur on and you will fell better each week. Try remember beauty as well goes far beyond weight snd most people are only thinking in their own heads about themselves and their own problems. Its not at all likely anyone in work will judge you or even think on your weight. I wish u all best with it once you make a start the rest will fall into place
    The starting point is hardest. And again weekly weighing and food tracker as well i can guarantee will help.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    What’s worth remembering OP is that the ‘COVID Stone’ is a real thing that the entire country can relate to. If you haven’t heard that phrase before, did you instantly understand and relate to it? Exactly, everyone does. We were/are all locked down in an extremely stressful, scary situation where comfort eating was one of the few things we could still do and exercising properly wasn’t. Not only are you not alone OP, you’re not even in the minority here.

    And not only do I relate to you on the weight gain, but despite me saying all of this I relate to you on the self-loathing part. Every time I get out of the shower these days I’ve got to effectively recite the above paragraph to myself in the hopes that it’ll one day just stick or the dieting and gym I’ve been able to do since restrictions eased will start to get me back to where I have been in the past.

    The truth is though that nobody else cares because we’re all focused on our own issues at the end of the day. And everyone is going through this and struggling in their own way. But it’s worth acknowledging this and not beating yourself up. This is your struggle: it’s not insignificant but you’re not alone by any means and it’s absolutely not something you should be embarrassed about because the entire planet is in the same boat, we just don’t notice it because we’re too busy worrying about ourselves. So are they.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    I think you need to start thinking positive.

    Make the best of yourself.

    Address the negative cycle. I think you feel out of control and that makes you feel worse. You can do this.

    But you have to start loving the body you are in NOW.

    Only allow positive thoughts and people around you.

    Get your nails done ..get your hair done ....go phone a friend ..have a natter ...buy nice make up ....

    Good luck.


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,797 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Given the OP hasn't been back since August, Im going to close the thread there.

    OP if you want the thread reopened just let one of the Mod Team know.

    Thanks to all for you help and advice.

    HS


This discussion has been closed.
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