Exs gf moving in to houseshare

LegacyUser

I can't believe this is happening but it is.
She doesn't know me nor does she know I am his ex.
I was not here when she came view house.

I know it won't really affect me but just any words of advice really. Thanks.

leggo

How have you zero say in this situation over who you live with? Fair enough not being there for the viewing, but even after you were told and realised did you not speak up? It just seems like this can easily be nipped in the bud and, if you’re not doing so, then you’re kinda choosing this dramatic situation that everyone involved would likely rather avoid.

The_Honeybadger

Depends on the seriousness of your relationship with your ex.

If you were going out for many years, engaged or whatever then it could be a really uncomfortable arrangement for everyone and it’s something that you need to try to avoid if you can.

If on the other hand you merely had a short fling with this fella then I don’t really see a problem unless one of you wants to create one.

LegacyUser

I wasn't paying attention to who was moving in and only clicked it yesterday.
It wasn't anything long term no so hopefully be okay.
He has his own gaff so fingers crossed they go to his and be adult about it.

Hannibal_Smith

If you tell the girlfriend chances are she may not want to move in. You surely have to say something about it to her? Rather than have her move in, realise who you are and she has to move again if she's uncomfortable with it?

How do you know who she is, but she doesn't know who you are?

LegacyUser

Being adult about it is having clear communication and giving people enough information that they can make their own decisions, and doing what's possible to avoid conflict...none of which you're demonstrating now with your head in the sand approach.

I'm sure nobody wants.to live with their ex or have a gf/bf live with an ex (not clear what the situation is from your post).. so say something to whoever is moving in and let them decide if they're comfortable with the situation or not....if however YOU are not going to be comfortable then say something to your flatmates and find a new roommate.

TheadoreT

Not sure communication is as straight forward as people are suggesting here. I know a lot of people find out about thier ex's new partners through a bit of casual internet stalking so you can hardly broach the subject with them when it's probably deemed a little weird you know in the first place.

LegacyUser

Yeah I only know cos I have seen them together.
I can't very well go and contact her.

leggo

“Hey, this is random I know but when the others told me your name, I’ll be honest I looked into who we’d be living with online. I think you might be dating an ex of mine: (NAME)? Just wanted to check if this was the case and see if it was an issue for you because I’d hate for us to discover it once you’ve moved and for it to be awkward or anything.”

Sending that text is a much less awkward scenario than bumping into an ex as they lift their new girlfriend’s suitcase into your home, especially if it ended badly. The latter also requires OP to act like they didn’t know, which if they don’t do well enough will make them look way weirder than just addressing it up front and admitting to some social media creeping, which we all do. It’s also the way that gives the scenario the best possible chance of being resolved with minimum drama, one way or another.

Hannibal_Smith

You don't have to tell her how you know, you could just say 'Look I think you're going out with X. Him and me used to be a thing, just mentioning it in case you might find it awkward.'

If you absolutely cannot contact her then you just have to let her move in, say nothing and when the boyfriend comes over put on an act of surprise. A bit unnecessary, but what else is there?

Sonic the Shaghog

Depends how long ye were going out for?

How did it end? Amicable, cheating or one of ye very bad over it etc?

LegacyUser

I think it's too late to texr her now.
I was hurt by ending yes.

leggo

OP be honest with yourself when answering this question, you don’t even need to answer here:

Are you not reaching out to try prevent this because it’s a way to get your ex back involved in your life?

LegacyUser

God no. Not at all.
That ship has well and truly sailed.
I just hope he has cop on so that they stay at his.
I can't text now as she moving in in 2 days

leggo

To be blunt: you don’t seem particularly interested in avoiding this completely messy, dramatic situation and seem to be making every excuse possible to avoid preventing it.

Calypso Realm

Truestory wrote: »

I think it's too late to texr her now.
I was hurt by ending yes.

OK you say were hurt but how did it end exactly? How long ago?

Reason being for instance, if he treated you badly by cheating, ghosting etc etc then he's unlikely to want to have his current girlfriend knowing all about this, or at the very least, it is a risk he may not wish to take. Otherwise I doubt very much, (though some might find it a bit awkward in the initial stages) if he, or she would care too much.

Obviously it is (understandably) affecting you though, so you need to take some proactive steps to prevent it, if this is possible at all, at this point. Otherwise, assuming she moves in you'll have no choice but to grin and bear it and put up a brave front for the sake of appearances! Something I wouldn't relish having to come home to everyday after work etc etc

Its not to late to text her. Do it now.

LegacyUser

Thankfully I sat tight and didn't send the text
It turned out it wasn't her.

LegacyUser

Thankfully I made no contact with the girl.
She is not my exs gf tg.
Sometimes it pays to be silent and not do anything drastic. Thanks all for the advice.

wiggle16

Mod:

As the issue has been resolved, I'll lock this thread.

Thanks all.

Thread locked.