Feeling abnormal in the dating world

PeonyPink

Thanks everyone. Mods can close this thread.

skallywag

Why not take a look outside of the dating app world? Apps are not the be-all-end-all you know, I know plenty of people who meet great people also in real life.

Just my two cents.

Pboru22

Hi Op,

I’m a male in my mid 30s. Here my take on it.

Your not abnormal or anything like that. I’m not sure what’s app your on but I do think it does make a difference like tinder is seen not really a relationship app. A while ago when a group of friends met up we discussed these dating apps. There was a number of my friends active on them, but most of my friends were just there for a hook up nothing serious.

On the sex, if you don’t feel comfortable and he doesn’t understand that you want privacy or time, he has no common sense to be honest and probably just trying to make you feel bad about it later on.

Dating apps are hard and flood you with potential matches.its hard to find someone with the same interests/values.

My advice would not to give up but also open your options to meeting someone off the these apps.

Good luck in your search!!

PeonyPink

Pboru22 wrote: »

Your not abnormal or anything like that. I’m not sure what’s app your on but I do think it does make a difference like tinder is seen not really a relationship app. A while ago when a group of friends met up we discussed these dating apps. There was a number of my friends active on them, but most of my friends were just there for a hook up nothing serious.

On the sex, if you don’t feel comfortable and he doesn’t understand that you want privacy or time, he has no common sense to be honest and probably just trying to make you feel bad about it later on.
!

I suppose this is my point here. Amongst my female friends, I don’t know a single one of them who would meet up the once with a man and ride him. A virtual stranger?

I prefer to meet up, get to know a man and go with the flow. If we vibe and get physical, grand? But men aren’t allowing the time for that to flow and have a big expectation on the first meet up!

Are there women out there who actually do that? Obviously there is?

Hence why I’m feeling abnormal and not worthy. I’ve tried to stop feeling this way but it’s a lot harder than you think..

Cali1978

OP I could have written your post after just being ghosted by someone I was seeing for a couple of months. The disrespect is unbelievable! I try to look at the apps as just a vehicle to meet people as most people who are genuinely looking for a relationship are also online. One you meet the person it’s up to them to show themselves for who they are. I don’t know how easy it is to meet people in real life anymore especially in your 40’s.

PeonyPink

Plutocube wrote: »

OP a lot of men don't want anything more than just sex, and there's nothing wrong with that. If online dating is not working out for you perhaps try dating in the real world.

You read it wrong. And this is case and point my issue ^
Never said there was anything wrong with wanting sex. I like it myself. That’s not what I’m saying.
I’m just asking do men expect sex when they meet their matches? Is this the norm now?
I just think it’s unrealistic to expect a woman to have sex with them straight away but clearly not?

Esse85

Get off the apps.
Put looking to meet someone on the back burner for a while.
Work on yourself, do stuff you want to do, start new hobbies/courses, rebuild your confidence.

In time you'll be ready to go again, to meet someone.
Avoid the apps, create an interesting life for yourself that puts you in social situations where you might people people.

TheadoreT

Plenty to unpack here.

Very much realise that a bad run of luck in dating can put you in a negative mind space and make you overthink everything so please don't take the advice too personally as most people who've been on dating scene the past decade or so will have had similar experiences.

One aspect of your post I find a bit troubling is how you've called these lads deluded of few times. There's a strange arrogance to that yet your actual confidence seems fairly shallow. By your own admittance that last relationship didnt feel right. If it didnt feel right for you, it probably(and evidently by his actions) didnt for him either. So of course he could find better, from a sense someone who he's more compatible with, and obviously you could also. That's not delusional on his part, we meet plenty of people in our lives and only genuinely click on that level with very few so you cant take these "rejections" to heart as hard as that can be and be a bit more philosophical and breezy in early dating which will probably stand to you anyway.

You're letting this rejection complex restrict you from making good choices. Trust your gut and if you dont feel comfortable with aspects of their behaviour have convictions in your beliefs and stick to them.

And I know numerous single guys who would probably be similarly disillusioned with online dating. So you need to analyse what's going on a little. A small % of lads get an overwhelming majority of swipes/dates on these sites. So they're naturally with experience very adept at the whole process and things that attracted you to them initially probably will many other women too. So be careful pigeon holing all guys into the same category that's actually made up of a much smaller subcategory than you probably envisage and try persue alternate means of meeting men and you may find far more genuine types.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Thread closed as per OPs request.

Thanks to everyone who offered help and advice.

Hannibal.