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Going through a hard time. Advice?

  • 09-08-2020 7:59am
    Registered Users Posts: 1,115 ✭✭✭

    Hi all. I am going through a hard time lately. I would appreciate advice.
    I have a former friend who I have known for quite some time (10 years+). We met back then, then we went our separate ways. I went to college. They got a job. We were not in regular contact for about two years. At first, I thought they were nice. But not anymore. I cannot drive, but they can & because of this, they will text at a moments notice asking to meet ( when it suits them).
    Whenever we do meet, they dominate the entire conversation, talking at rapid speed, making everything about them. When I went through a period of unemployment, they would make snide comments to me about it. I do feel it may have been partly my fault for not calling them out on their behavior sooner, but am trying to make up for this now. I cut contact about a year ago, but felt guilt tripped into resuming contact - a decision I now massively regret. I am now being reminded why I stopped talking to them in the first place. Even when I blocked them on all social media they started contacting my family members to try & contact me. A cycle I think is about to repeat itself. Anyone ever had similar experiences?


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,702 ✭✭✭zoobizoo

    I was going to suggest that you just message them with an honest "the reason why I stopped contacting you before was because of X, Y and Z" but having read that they went through family members after you blocking them sounds like you shouldn't open up any channel of communication.

    Don't feel guilty about deleting someone like this from your life.

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 190 ✭✭Febreeze

    Hi OP

    Do not let this person back in after trying to do your best to mind yourself.

    You gave them a chance. They made it about themselves. Youve done what you needed to do and they can't respect that. Going as far as to contact family members, that's the hight of disrepect towards you.

    Continue what you're doing. No contact. You have your reasons and therefore happy with that and probably happier in life for it. I'm all for giving chances, many at that but when a person makes its clear that they don't want to continue a friendship or relationship and you have already given your reasons to a person and spoken up and it's not being respected. Tell family members who have been contacted that you appreciate that they have informed you and would like your request respected and not to be contacted again. It's as simple as that.

    There's boundaries for a reason and this person has crossed it. Do not feel any guilt whatsoever. You've done your part. The other person chooses not to listen, that's their issue.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80

    You tried your best with the friendship but its run its course. No one's to blame - that person isn't bad and they didn't change. You just grew.

    You sound very conscientious and honest so you're overthinking it.

    This person is no longer your friend and you should not invest your time or energy in them any more. If they contact your friends or family just tell your friends /family "i am not friends with that person any more, we grew apart and i prefer investing my energy in other people" (ok, that sounds a bit robotic but what I'm getting at is don't get drawn into storytime)

    If the person contacts you directly just tell them your friendship has run its course - thanks for the memories.

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    Just cut all ties once again and don't look back. This person isn't owed anything, you don't need to explain or justify moving on.

    Inform your friends/family that you're not interested if this person tries to "reach out" to you through them. That is fairly weird in itself, you'd think a person could take the hint.