What does retirement mean to you and your mental health

Kylta

The vast majority of men are basic either loners or reserved in the things they do (now I have observed this with the people I work with and my male friends). After a certain age men don't do friendships with other males.
But I watched my grandad when he retired years ago from work actually vegatate, and eventually pass away. He had no interest in doing anything at all. He didn't play golf, visit libraries, go travelling etc. But now I'm about 15years away from retirement and I'm looking at some of the men who retired.over the past few years. The majority of them are miserable some of them their outlook has completely changed and not for the better I may add. Basically their routine over the years they were working is gone, though the still wake at the same time as when they are working.
So I curious to see if people have a plan to deal with the mental health aspect ofof retirement?
And what is your plan for retirement to keep you active and hopefully sane?

Tig98

I'm sorry that this is your experience of retired men, and a pattern you think you'll fall into.

I'm in my early 20s so not an iota about retiring yet, but what I see of retirement is nowhere near as negative. I'm friends with plenty lads now who have nothing going for them outside of work - no tangible hobbies or friends, and 99% of their energy is diverted into their work because that is the only focus in their life. If you take away work, then suddenly they lose all their social interactions and even just activities to occupy themselves.

The men I am friendly with who have retired are all "goers". Always have some sort of a project or plan on the side to tinker away at, and were happy when retirement came to be able to devote more time to them. These interests didn't just suddenly come upon them one night, they were fostered over many years.

If you want a happy and active retirement then invest in a life outside of the workplace. Follow some of your interests and see what opens up

Kylta

Tig98 wrote: »

I'm sorry that this is your experience of retired men, and a pattern you think you'll fall into.

I'm in my early 20s so not an iota about retiring yet, but what I see of retirement is nowhere near as negative. I'm friends with plenty lads now who have nothing going for them outside of work - no tangible hobbies or friends, and 99% of their energy is diverted into their work because that is the only focus in their life. If you take away work, then suddenly they lose all their social interactions and even just activities to occupy themselves.

The men I am friendly with who have retired are all "goers". Always have some sort of a project or plan on the side to tinker away at, and were happy when retirement came to be able to devote more time to them. These interests didn't just suddenly come upon them one night, they were fostered over many years.

If you want a happy and active retirement then invest in a life outside of the workplace. Follow some of your interests and see what opens up

I agree that people should look to having something other than work. The problem for men when the start to settle down and especially when it comes to raising kids they seem to drift. Drift away from friends, drift away from various activities whether it be darts, football, golf etc. In regards to me I already do the things you suggest in regards to hobbies and stuff.
But some men who are stuck in their ways won't or don't mix. In regards to when your in your 20s I don't think anybody at that age thinks about their retirement. When I was 20, I thought anybody who was 40 was and auld fella. Never mind anybody in their 60s

SCOOP 64

After being in lockdown for 4 months out of work i now know if i could i would retire today and it wouldn't affect me at all,
but alas i cant afford too.

alchemist33

Good thread idea. I'm about 10-12 years from retirement and have lost decent contact with most of my friends who live far away. The plan post-retirement was always travel but you can't travel all the time and I have a child with special needs who may never be truly independent.

I might consider some voluntary work (I work in healthcare so have some skills and knowledge), but beyond that, reading more and lunching out with the wife, I'm at a bit of a loss.

Kylta

alchemist33 wrote: »

Good thread idea. I'm about 10-12 years from retirement and have lost decent contact with most of my friends who live far away. The plan post-retirement was always travel but you can't travel all the time and I have a child with special needs who may never be truly independent.

I might consider some voluntary work (I work in healthcare so have some skills and knowledge), but beyond that, reading more and lunching out with the wife, I'm at a bit of a loss.

I think if you look at retirement as a new beginning instead of being put out to pasture, is the way forward.

banie01

In normal terms I should be entering my middle age and leaning back to start coasting career wise.
Instead I found myself off work since late 2017 due to a convergence of illnesses and despite my best efforts at recovery. I was medically retired in 2019, and placed on Invalidity Pension at the grand old age of 39.

It's a strange transition, I'm quite lucky in that I'll suffer no financial hardship, mortgage was cleared years ago and other irons in the fire left us comfortable.
So I found myself at home, with not even a lot of parenting left to do as my son is 16 and I'm no longer craic
The jobs around the house, all done. Gardening is the wifes sphere and my own attention span is quite short.

Took up 3D printing, spend a bit more time on my hobbies and finished off my own projects in that regard, then boom!
40 and nothing to do...

I decided to go back to Uni, entering 2nd year in Sept I'm loving it. May even go on to a master's but there's plenty of time for that.
The degree fits with what I have professional experience in and dovetails nicely with my original qualifications. It may lead me to contemplate academia, or to go back into professional life as a dreaded "consultant".

Thing is tho, ambition is gone.
Now it's personal fulfillment and pleasure. Be that in learning something new, or helping someone out.
The mercenary and quite vicious avarice of my earlier years are gone and I think I'm a better person for it.
Don't get me wrong, that early me!
Gave me the space I have now to be a "student" but I was a prick.
Now, I'm a much more pleasant prick :P

One thing I will say above all else is this, mind your relationships.
All too often retirement means being foisted together with your partner after years of ye both working and doing your own things. It doesn't mean that everything now has to be done together! Don't let familiarity breed contempt, remember why you love them and keep some romance alive

Develop interests, cultivate friendships and mind your family.

Galwayguy35

19 years left on the mortgage, when thats paid off I will retire and enjoy the rest of my days taking it easy.

My plan is twofold. I'm investing a lot of time into writing, and i have no intention of ever stopping. Voice related typing has come a long way in recent years, and by the time I retire, I expect it to be even better (should my fingers seize up). Might transition to doing VR related stories later. I've also got a variety of strategy type gaming (both computer games and tabletop) which I'd like to invest time in, along with all the painting/collecting associated.

The second part is travel/teaching/mentoring. I enjoy it, and I know a variety of older people who have continued doing so. Take a few months in a year, and teach at university level, or a private business college. Feed off younger peoples energy, have some laughs, and get to experience different cultures... and then back to the more relaxed lifestyle for the rest of the year. (While most countries have issues with hiring those over 65 for a year, they're far more open to smaller contracts of 3-6 month periods)

I also have a old Triumph motorbike frame which I would love to fix up. Always had a thing about learning to do bike renovations, and there's a few classics I'd like to know how to design/build/customize.

I've learned from watching family/friends who are older, that the "secret" is to be active. Not simply physically active, but to have some interests which take you away from your home. Leave a few "fantasies" until your later years. My bike interest is something I could do now, but I'll leave it for later. (since I have enough to do now anyway)

CageWager

For me there are some key issues here and many have been covered already (don't make career the be all/end all, keep your mind sharp with both mental and physical exercises, work hard to maintain really strong relationships with your close circle).

The big issue I see as a mid-30's male is that my age group have largely bought into the social contract where they work for 40 years before retiring with a nice big pension and then they can start enjoying themselves. My parents and many of my friends parents retired in their mid 50's to early 60's with a lot of financial comfort thanks to the 90's/00's property boom where they became accidental millionaires through their principle private residence. Many also benefited from DB pension schemes which looking back now were basically like winning the lottery.

People tend to ape what their parents do and they don't spend much critical thinking time understanding just how drastically the landscape has changed. Happiness in retirement isn't all about money but you have to set yourself up with a solid standard of living in your old age, not to mention the fact that people are now living so long that "retirement years" are a multiple of what they used to be. The whole retirement equation has been torn up and rewritten and most people don't have a clue just how badly off they will be in retirement, even if they have so-called "good jobs". Pension returns are poor, property prices are high, and deposit interest rates are heading negative.

IMO people are sleepwalking into a huge crisis in the next 20-40 years and I am amazed how many of my friends don't really even want to think about it. I have talked to lots of peers who say they pay into their workplace pension but they don't know much about where the money goes, how it is invested, what % cut the investment fund is creaming off the top every year. They just assume that everything will be ok because it worked out well for their parents.

Aside from money matters, it is clear that there is an issue with older men losing their status (if it was all tied up with their career) and not making friends. There has been a major attack on male bonding over the last few years - phrases like "boys club", "locker room talk" etc. have become common parlance and any area where men seek to bond exclusively with other men must be invaded by craven feminists. The phrase "middle aged white man" is now a barbed weapon used to invalidate a huge swathe of the population. Back in the day golf was definitely a boys club and somewhere men could be comfortable and maybe tell the odd off colour joke without being "cancelled". I believe that many men have retreated into themselves as a result of male-only spaces being torn apart and labled as something negative.

I'm not sure what the solution is - for me personally it revolves around maximising personal freedom through self employment and spending a large portion of my time based in Asia but I know that's not an easy thing for people who already have kids etc. I suppose my main point is - set yourself up for retirement from an early age, don't just sleepwalk into a bad situation.

One eyed Jack

Kylta wrote: »

So I curious to see if people have a plan to deal with the mental health aspect ofof retirement?
And what is your plan for retirement to keep you active and hopefully sane?

I plan on being as inactive as possible in retirement in order that I might hopefully regain my sanity at some point.

“Active retirement” is something of a contradiction in terms as far as I’m concerned tbh.

Patsy167

The same basic building blocks for living a good life apply to retirement as any period in life. Contribution to society, good health, living within your means, and keeping strong social connections. Translating this into practical action steps would be hitting the basics most days - getting outside each day, eating well, finding an exercise you enjoy, maintaining and developing social connections.

A good piece of advice I heard was to "Make sure you are retiring to something, rather than from something" It came from a from a Rugby player retiring in his thirties.

The idea being that you have an active plan in place for the free time. Volunteering, joining a community garden, mens sheds, starting a small business would all be good options.

BrianD3

I am a mid 40s male, retirement is never far from my mind as I find my career pointless and unfulfilling. Having said that, it provides a routine and I'm not sure how I'll find retirement. I have no friends now, I never had many but lost the few that I did have once they got married and had children. I think lack of friends (and the difficulty that men seem to have making new ones past a certain age) rather than retirement itself is the problem. Men are good at developing solitary hobbies and interests but as the OP says, many men tend to be or become loners.

Also, unfulfilling careers are an issue - you give the best years of your life to your job and then look back with regret.

My father did much better than I will likely do - not a particularly sociable man but when he moved to the town that he settled in at age 27, he immediately joined the local golf club (he was already a good player) and met like minded people of about the same age. IME men need some sort of common activity to develop and maintain friendships and in my father's case that activity was golf.

He kept those friends for the next 50+ years through marriage and children and into retirement until everyone started dying off It helped that my father had his own business and was able to "sneak off" during the working week to play golf even before he retired. His buddies also had their own businesses or retired early from their jobs. Nobody commuted long distance to work, none of them jumped from one job to another or moved around. Things would likely be different in today's jobs market.

Also, I'm not sure that golf is the solution today as it may have become less sociable and more casual with many golfers not members of any club and others being "car park members" who feck off home immediately after their round.

Neames

I'm in my late 40s. When the new retirement age of 70 was announced I thought it was great and very much aimed at people like me. I enjoy my job a lot and working up to 70 meant that I could build up a decent pension.

The Covid outbreak had made me reassess things. Life is too short for putting off enjoying things like travel and hobbies. So I've put in place a plan that will allow me to retire at 60 if I would like to.

I've also taken up a new hobby that I kept putting off for the last number of years. I plan on spending lots of time on my new pastime both now and in retirement.

All I can say is I don't intend to wait until retirement to take up new things and hobbies. I'm going to start now and when it comes to retirement I intend to just increase the time I devote to these hobbies.

That will help my mental health. The other thing I intend to do is spend the next 10 plus years building up my pension and savings as well as living in the now.

No point being time rich and money poor in your later years. That will really ruin your retirement in my view.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

I also have a old Triumph motorbike frame which I would love to fix up. Always had a thing about learning to do bike renovations, and there's a few classics I'd like to know how to design/build/customize.

I've learned from watching family/friends who are older, that the "secret" is to be active. Not simply physically active, but to have some interests which take you away from your home. Leave a few "fantasies" until your later years. My bike interest is something I could do now, but I'll leave it for later. (since I have enough to do now anyway)

You can happily start now on the motorcycle stuff - when you spend 8 hours trying to remove a seized bolt from an engine block you will realise there isn't enough time in the universe to ever "finish" motorcycle work !

CageWager

CageWager wrote: »

Aside from money matters, it is clear that there is an issue with older men losing their status (if it was all tied up with their career) and not making friends. There has been a major attack on male bonding over the last few years - phrases like "boys club", "locker room talk" etc. have become common parlance and any area where men seek to bond exclusively with other men must be invaded by craven feminists. The phrase "middle aged white man" is now a barbed weapon used to invalidate a huge swathe of the population. Back in the day golf was definitely a boys club and somewhere men could be comfortable and maybe tell the odd off colour joke without being "cancelled". I believe that many men have retreated into themselves as a result of male-only spaces being torn apart and labled as something negative.

You have a point but why should any man give a fcuk about what some "craven feminists" as you put it say? If you go out to the golf club or whatever there's nothing stopping you just talking to other men if that's your thing. Me, I don't care really. I'll talk to anyone who has something interesting to say, and lots of women, outside the "craven feminist" types actually do ....

This thread is timely for me too. I'm be 50 next year. Married with a daughter finished college and one going into 5th year.

I am self employed for a long time and had an office in a building for 16 years. I had very little social contact in that time, especially the last few years. I mean I meet up with clients, but they aren't friends for the most part.

The last year I was there, the last guy I used to hang around with got a job somewhere else and then I decided to move. Moved to a co working space, best thing I ever did. I meet lots of eclectic characters from all sorts of ages, genders and backgrounds and have made some great new friends. Might not be for everyone but it worked for me.

As for pension and retirement, I have a scheme I pay into, but it's nowhere near enough, I just don't have it. Still have some debt hangover from the crash of 2009, but strangely the corona thing hasn't hit me at all as much, at least not yet. I own my own house outright so there's that.

I also am big in to motorbike maintenance, and would be up for learning something new, so on that front I think I'll be OK. I would like to write a book too - not to become rich and famous, just for my own satisfaction.

So assuming my health holds up, I think I'll be OK. I won't have much money, but I don't think I'll need much either, I'm a frugal kind of guy, as is my wife. Most of my big expenses now are around the kids and college. A few years ago I would have answered very differently.

stratowide

Through a series of good fortune and good timing I was able to more or less retire when I was 46.
I'm 51 now.
I had kids when I was young,got divorced at the right time..bought a new house at the bottom of the market..got a good redundancy payment at the right time.

Never really planned it this way..it just happened and things fell into place.

I still work part time for the missus but on hours that suit me..Maybe about 10-15 hours a week.

A few things I've noted..

You can live very cheaply if you have no mortgage/rent.This is the biggie in my opinion.

Kids all grown up and working themselves..Again no financial draw there.

Keep yourself fit..I still play competitive soccer twice a week.Hard going but still can keep up with the youngsters.i work alot on my flexibility and staying supple.No point being crocked when you hit 70.

I always have a project on the go...woodworking,welding gardening etc.

Worked for years as a HGV+Plant mechanic mostly in a very pressurised environment.
Ended up hating it in the end but have since went back to tinkering at motorbikes and will take on a project soon.

I can go at my own pace now and just leave a job and come back to it next week or so.
This is huge as the pressure of working to a deadline is gone.

Doing things on your own terms is a huge plus.

Yep this really suits me...:D

stratowide

stratowide wrote: »

I had kids when I was young,got divorced at the right time..bought a new house at the bottom of the market..got a good redundancy payment at the right time.

When is the "right time" to get divorced? Asking for a friend

stratowide wrote: »

Keep yourself fit..I still play competitive soccer twice a week.Hard going but still can keep up with the youngsters.i work alot on my flexibility and staying supple.No point being crocked when you hit 70.

This is a big one.

I'm late 30s, I've no interest in continuing with my current career/business until I'm at 68/70 but I've no interest in doing nothing either.
We've a few kettles on the stove so I don't see cash or something to do being an issue providing health holds up etc.

Oranage2

Mid thirties, like my life, like my job, hoping to work as much as I can and earn as much as I can. Not really thinking about retirement now.

stratowide

Deleted User wrote: »

When is the "right time" to get divorced? Asking for a friend

Well in this instance about 2 years before the redundancy cheque was cashed and about 6 months after the youngest turned 18...The sweet spot if you like..;)

stratowide

stratowide wrote: »

Well in this instance about 2 years before the redundancy cheque was cashed and about 6 months after the youngest turned 18...The sweet spot if you like..;)

You beat the offside trap