Advertisement
Private Profiles - an update on how they will be changing here
We've partnered up with Nixers.com to offer a space where you can talk directly to Peter from Nixers.com and get an exclusive Boards.ie discount code for a free job listing. If you are recruiting or know anyone else who is please check out the forum here.

Finding it difficult to live

  • 01-08-2020 8:55pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 4 Duffycon


    I am at a low ebb. I am on60% pay and finding it difficult to keep up with bills and mortgage. I am really at the end of my rope and I feel like I have used up all by cudos with utilities companies and my bank. I am thinking I am worth more alive than dead. I am single. 45 yrs old no wife or children. Lost my Mum last year who lived with me. So heartbroken on top of everything else. I have very loving siblings and their families who try to be there for me but I am just wasting their time. Help!


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 15,255 ✭✭✭✭ Spanish Eyes


    Duffycon wrote: »
    I am at a low ebb. I am on60% pay and finding it difficult to keep up with bills and mortgage. I am really at the end of my rope and I feel like I have used up all by cudos with utilities companies and my bank. I am thinking I am worth more alive than dead. I am single. 45 yrs old no wife or children. Lost my Mum last year who lived with me. So heartbroken on top of everything else. I have very loving siblings and their families who try to be there for me but I am just wasting their time. Help!

    So sorry you are feeling this way, but it is understandable, and believe me it is natural, I know all about bereavement.

    First thing is to get your debts sorted. Contact MABS.

    Then go to your GP and ask for assistance.

    I know this has all been said before, but you have to start somewhere.

    Spill to your siblings, they will help you too.

    It's not easy to admit you are at a very low ebb, but most people will understand so much.

    Wish you well my friend.


  • Registered Users Posts: 256 ✭✭ Springfields


    Duffycon wrote: »
    I am at a low ebb. I am on60% pay and finding it difficult to keep up with bills and mortgage. I am really at the end of my rope and I feel like I have used up all by cudos with utilities companies and my bank. I am thinking I am worth more alive than dead. I am single. 45 yrs old no wife or children. Lost my Mum last year who lived with me. So heartbroken on top of everything else. I have very loving siblings and their families who try to be there for me but I am just wasting their time. Help!

    I am very sorry for your loss. It must be very difficult dealing with bereavement as well as financial difficulties. Well done for even posting. Be assured your siblings would be devastated if they lost you too. They love and value you even if you feel.like a burden right now. Reach out and ask.for help. They will want to help you. You are not alone with the financial troubles. Ring the Samaritans and talk to someone who can guide you. Hang in there. You are loved.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,360 ✭✭✭✭ Purple Mountain


    You sound like you've a lot on your plate currently and are trying to juggle many things you see as obstacles.
    Do you have an organiser sibling? There's usually one in the family, the one who knows how to fill in forms, who to get advice from, how to negotiate with companies.
    Reach out to that sibling immediately and ask them to carry you for a while. It's OK to ask for help.
    Read the poem 'Footprints in the Sand'. It does have a faith message that Jesus will carry you in a time of need but if you're not religious, repeat that poem over and over and envision your loved ones carrying you at this time and make sure to be asked to be carried.
    This too shall pass.

    To thine own self be true



  • Registered Users Posts: 67 ✭✭✭ Clare Kat


    Even though you feel like crap right now, you are a lot stronger than you think. The fact that you posted her asking for help is testimony to that. It takes a strong person to admit that things are all getting to be a bit much. It’s completely understandable given your circumstances and the fact that you lost your mother recently must be absolutely devastating. I remember when I lost my younger brother and every Tom, Dick and Harry was telling me “ things would get better” and “ time is a great healer”, I wanted to clock them, and here I am about to tell you the exact same thing, that things will improve. I happened to find a bereavement group very helpful. I know it’s difficult with Covid 19, but there are wonderful online supports. Sometimes all it takes is a listening ear. Wishing you the very best. Keep the faith.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,302 ✭✭✭ enfant terrible


    Duffycon wrote: »
    I am at a low ebb. I am on60% pay and finding it difficult to keep up with bills and mortgage. I am really at the end of my rope and I feel like I have used up all by cudos with utilities companies and my bank. I am thinking I am worth more alive than dead. I am single. 45 yrs old no wife or children. Lost my Mum last year who lived with me. So heartbroken on top of everything else. I have very loving siblings and their families who try to be there for me but I am just wasting their time. Help!

    So sorry for your loss Duffy. Would taking in a lodger be an option at all? to help financially and socially.

    I got stuck in a similar rut a long time ago and found just interacting with more people and getting out more daily helped me.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 1,578 ✭✭✭ DesperateDan


    Definitely talk with your doctor, it's great you have good siblings talk with them as well I'm sure they would be devastated if anything happened to you. 45 is still young :) Best of luck


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,980 ✭✭✭ s1ippy


    Although it sounds like you're in a very difficult situation right now, it appears to me that you have a lot more going for you than you think. Sometimes it's difficult not to let the "big" problems like money get on top of you.

    Even though everyone would like you to think it, money isn't actually real. It poses real issues, but you can get through this and when you look back on this time you'll think "Christ that was sh!t" and be glad you're out the other side. Whenever hard times happen to me, I think "when could I look forward to not being in this awful time and actually enjoy my life again?"

    As other posters said, your family are going to be an important asset. While you may not want to specifically ask them for money, maybe you could do as another poster suggested and ask one of the more compassionate, discreet siblings if they could give you a hand sorting things out.

    The Citizens Information Website has lots of resources to help with your finances. Here's the link to MABs that others mentioned above: https://www.mabs.ie/en/

    Here are some FAQs provided on their site: https://www.mabs.ie/en/how_we_help/debt_and_budgeting_tools/assess_your_situation.html

    You might have already done this but contact your utility suppliers - they will definitely be sympathetic to your situation as thousands of people are in the same boat at the moment. Lost income is no joke and it's going to be more and more commonplace that people struggle to pay bills. It's in their interest to support you; otherwise they'll end up with no customers by Christmas!

    The final thing I wanted to say is that you're not alone. Life is very hard right now for many, many people and more than ever, people will understand if you need to reach out to them. You've done the right thing by venting these feelings because while a problem shared isn't quite a problem halved, you might be inspired to think about all the other people who enrich your life and everything that makes it worth living. Do you love music? The outdoors? Try and take some time every day to enjoy these things and feel the pleasure of being alive. There are so many things life to experience, so many people left to meet. This is all only temporary.

    Best of luck with everything, and I hope you'll give us an update when you're on the road to getting things sorted.


  • Registered Users Posts: 317 ✭✭ gooseygander


    Help is out there, please ask for it through friend family or relevant service there are better times ahead, best of luck.


  • Registered Users Posts: 67 ✭✭✭ Clare Kat


    Duffycon wrote: »
    I am at a low ebb. I am on60% pay and finding it difficult to keep up with bills and mortgage. I am really at the end of my rope and I feel like I have used up all by cudos with utilities companies and my bank. I am thinking I am worth more alive than dead. I am single. 45 yrs old no wife or children. Lost my Mum last year who lived with me. So heartbroken on top of everything else. I have very loving siblings and their families who try to be there for me but I am just wasting their time. Help!

    Just checking in to see how you are doing today?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,838 ✭✭✭ kravmaga


    Duffycon wrote: »
    I am at a low ebb. I am on60% pay and finding it difficult to keep up with bills and mortgage. I am really at the end of my rope and I feel like I have used up all by cudos with utilities companies and my bank. I am thinking I am worth more alive than dead. I am single. 45 yrs old no wife or children. Lost my Mum last year who lived with me. So heartbroken on top of everything else. I have very loving siblings and their families who try to be there for me but I am just wasting their time. Help!

    Get help now....

    Did you get bereavement counselling for your moms passing?

    I lost a family member 2 yrs ago, I got counselling via Beaumont Hospital, it helped me immensely with the grief process.

    On your finances talk with MABS, complete a monthly budget, income vrs expenditure. You will see where you can make some cost savings then.

    https://www.mabs.ie/en/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw6575BRCQARIsAMp-ksNtV9hzpK1APlUOLL5Kv7CwqJzkRSIVl6b9T783ZeBOUm8_G_7EwQQaAkKYEALw_wcB

    https://www.samaritans.org/ireland/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 4 Duffycon


    Hi folks, still in the fight here thank God - thanks to all who responded with those kind words of encouragement to my last thread -you dont know how much it meant and how helpful it was to get me through! just wanted to share something - dont know if anyone out there is in the same boat. So I applied to review my taxes with a refund company (a very good one I have to say) and I have all my utlility bills ready to go showing my expenses over the past few months that I have been working from home. They came back to me to say that because I was on TWSS for a spell that there is no point in reviewing my taxes until June of this year as there isnt enough clarity from Revenue on the subject of TWSS (June 30th is final opportunity for employers to contribute to underpayments). also the refund company feel that the policy towards TWSS underpayments could change.


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,360 ✭✭✭✭ Purple Mountain


    Duffycon wrote: »
    Hi folks, still in the fight here thank God - thanks to all who responded with those kind words of encouragement to my last thread -you dont know how much it meant and how helpful it was to get me through! just wanted to share something - dont know if anyone out there is in the same boat. So I applied to review my taxes with a refund company (a very good one I have to say) and I have all my utlility bills ready to go showing my expenses over the past few months that I have been working from home. They came back to me to say that because I was on TWSS for a spell that there is no point in reviewing my taxes until June of this year as there isnt enough clarity from Revenue on the subject of TWSS (June 30th is final opportunity for employers to contribute to underpayments). also the refund company feel that the policy towards TWSS underpayments could change.

    Hi. I think you'd get a better response if you move this post to the taxation forum.
    Good luck.

    To thine own self be true



Advertisement