Feeling overwhelmed

LegacyUser

Currently on maternity leave. Baby is shy of 3 months. This is my last baby I also have a toddler.

In short, I’m really upset about work I keep thinking about mistakes I’ve made & their impact which could potentially be very costly. For various reasons I can’t contact work. I have tried but I think my bosses have decided to ignore me. I think this is in part for HR policy reasons, partly because they are very busy & partly because they think if they ignore me I’ll relax.

I’m up the walls. The baby wakes me in the middle of the night & my mind stats racing. I’ve tried counselling via Zoom.

I’ve decided to go back to work earlier than I had planned. I’ll be upset about leaving the baby as it’s my last baby but I don’t feel I have a choice. I can’t sit out on mat leave while my company loses money because of me. I’m also thinking of leaning after I sort out what I can.

I’m writing as I’m very lonely & stressed. Any thoughts would be much appreciated.

Xterminator

hi OP

i think if you go back in this frame of mind it will be a recipe for disaster. Bad for you, bad for the business and if you are badly affected personally, as i suspect you will, bad for baby.

Being physically present but in a bad frame of mind is not the solution. It sounds like the lack of sleep has left you overwhelmed, exacerbating what other things you have to deal with, eg work worries etc.

Please drop into your GP and tell him/her how you feel. explain the zoom sessions have done little.
Is your partner (assuming there is one?) pulling their weight?
Do you have a hobby or interest you could do, that allows you to unwind?

Just dont rush back! Sort yourself 1st, go back when your are in a betterplace mentally.

Pistachio19

Have you actually been told that you have made costly mistakes at work? Have you been disciplined because of it? If so then I'm sure they are dealing with it and will sort it out without your input. If they haven't said it to you then no doubt everything is fine and you are worrying about nothing. Chances are they won't contact you as they shouldn't be doing so while you are off on maternity leave. They will no doubt appreciate that this time is precious for you and your baby. I don't think many women would appreciate work contacting them during maternity leave. I wouldn't even consider going back early. Take the time you are entitled to with your baby. You should be focussing on your kids now and not even thinking about what is going on at work. They will have factored in your maternity leave and should be well able to manage without you until such a time as your pre arranged maternity leave is over.

I agree with Xterminator. It's probably time to see your gp and have a chat about your anxieties and see if there is more to it than just your job.

dubrov

Companies come and go OP. Look after yourself.

Hannibal_Smith

I would second the advice to go back and talk to your GP or certainly mention it to your counsellor. You're on maternity leave with a baby and and a toddler, worrying so intensely about work must be so draining on top of that.

Work can fix the issue and are likely not liaising with you because you're on maternity leave.

If you made a mistake, that's human. To worry so much about it isn't right and isn't fair and if you talk to your GP/counsellor they maybe able to help reduce that worry.

Jobs come and go.

Your mental health and your babies are precious.

Go to the GP, find a different counsellor, and ask for help anywhere you can get it.

Do you have a wise friend who understands your work situation that you could talk to and get an outside perspective?

HildaOgdenx

As pp have said, please do go back to your doctor. Keep going with the counselling too.

The work issue, whatever it is, has probably assumed huge proportions in your mind, whereas back in the workplace, it's most likely sorted out and forgotten about. It wouldn't be usual for your employer to be in touch with you, during your maternity leave.

Please put your health first. I'm sure the fact of even going from having one child to having two children, in itself, is quite demanding. I hope that you have support in real life, from a partner, family or friends.

Don't be afraid to put your hand up, and say I need some help, e.g. someone to take the children for a few hours, while you rest or get out for a walk, or whatever else.

Mind yourself.

amdublin

I am sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. You've a lot on your plate at the moment and I am glad you posted here, I hope it makes you feel a little better sharing what you are going through.

I think you should definitely talk things through with your GP.

I know you are thinking about work a lot and easier said than done but it is probably not near (if at all) as bad as you think.

Have a chat with your GP, it will help. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Best wishes and positive vibes to you

shesty

Ah no, god no OP.You have 2 kids and you are only 3 months into that.Please go back to your GP or your public health nurse.This might not be about work at all, it may be to do with hormones after the baby.Going from 1 to 2 children is a lot of work especially if they are small.How are you coping with them at home? Do you have help?

Do not worry one inch about work.You gave birth to your second child in a mid-pandemic situation, please go and get help.There might be more going on here for you, and honestly, companies will come and go.Do not worry about them.Please go and speak to someone.