Covid wedding gifts

whitem91

A friend is getting married in the next week and though I was originally invited, numbers were reduced so now we are only invited to a small gathering the next day. Advice on appropriate gift? Would usually give €150-200 for full day wedding (depending on closeness to bride/groom). Don't want to be stingy but also don't want to give a crazy amount!!

woodchuck

It's a tough one, because nobody has any etiquette experience when it comes to a pandemic wedding!

If it was me though, I'd still give the full amount I intended to give. That's assuming your own personal financial situation hasn't changed due to the pandemic. It's not like they didn't want you there, they've obviously just had to cut their numbers due to the government's rules. And you're still being included in the gathering the next day, which is probably more than most people can expect.

lazygal

I gift a gift to celebrate the marriage not to cover my plate at a wedding. So I'd give what I would have given regardless of the type of wedding it was.

rainbowtrout

Unless your circumstances have changed I would give the same. I give a gift because I'm friends with the couple not to cover my plate. If I was just covering my plate then the person who chooses the five star hotel would need to be given a larger amount than someone who chooses a more modest hotel. They are choosing the venue and cost of venue, I don't think I should have to adjust to suit their lifestyle.

€75-€100 would be plenty when you’re not going to the main thing. Expecting the full amount from everyone would be very Irish but you can guarantee they’re not paying the same as before.

jlm29

lazygal wrote: »

I gift a gift to celebrate the marriage not to cover my plate at a wedding. So I'd give what I would have given regardless of the type of wedding it was.

This is also what I would do.

skallywag

This is a proper conundrum alright OP.

I can certainly see the reasoning behind not giving what would be your 'normal' amount. I take the point that gifts are given to celebrate the marriage, etc, but at the same time there is no way I would be giving a gift to the 'usual' value to a couple I know where I cannot make the wedding for whatever reason, for example.

On the other hand you could certainly run the risk of leaving yourself open to chin wagging if the happy couple also take the line that they would have had given the full amount if it had been them, etc.

So no easy answer to this one.

alicantra123

Disclaimer that I am getting married soon, so I am probably biased!

This is a difficult one alright. In 'normal times' if I couldn't go to a wedding I would usually give the full amount anyway if I was close to the couple (100euro for me anyway). But I think because of Covid I would be even more likely to do this regardless of how close I am to the person because of all that the couple will likely have been through. It's unlikely they reduced their numbers without much sadness and disappointment along the way. Money isn't everything but I think if you can afford it, the couple will certainly appreciate it and feel like their friends and family support them and wanted to be there on their special day.

In relation to costs (if that's what influences your decision), from my own experience you would be surprised how much downsizing does very little to reduce costs. many of the overheads are still the same regardless of the numbers (band, photographer, flowers), and many smaller venues costs more than bigger hotel venues. Equally, if the couple have had to make changes they may have lost some of their original deposits and will have to pay for new vendors deposits, which is a significant cost.

As I say, money isn't everything. But I think most people would probably be very grateful and appreciative of a gift form someone who they unfortunately were not able to have on their special day because of reasons outside of their control. I personally wouldn't expect it from everyone, but if someone did go to that extra effort I would certainly remember it and be very grateful.

That's my tuppence haypenny anyway!

alicantra123

Sorry I just saw the wedding is probably over already! Hopefully you figured out something that seemed right for you.

Shelli2

I got married end of July, micro wedding after our big wedding in May was cancelled.

A few people sent cards & gifts, but the majority didn't and I honestly wasn't expecting any!

We did say we'd like a party sometime in the future, in a couple of years probably.