Should we go on another date or is there nothing there

LegacyUser

I'm 36 male and I have had limited relationship experience. I'll not go into massive detail on why this is, but a difficult upbringing and anxiety for much of my adult life have played into this being the case. Career wise I'm really successful and I've put my effort into this for a large number of years and it was easier for me to focus on this. Over the last year I've woken up to the fact that I would like a relationship and its not going to happen if I put zero effort in as I have been doing. Living alone during Covid has really focused me again as I pretty much had no social interaction during the lockdown for the few months other than the plentiful Zoom work interactions that are a heavy part of my job.

Once the lockdown eased, I signed up to Tinder and matched with a few women. Got chatting to one in particular and arranged a date. We met for a quick coffee on the first date for about an hour and it went well. She text me afterwards saying we should meet again which I was all for. We went out for dinner and drinks a few nights ago. We were only supposed to stay out for two hours as I had something the next day, but we both completely lost track of time and ended up staying out really late for 4.5 hours total which really flew.

On the face of it, we had a really good date. I'm really comfortable talking to her, we have a lot in common, similar interests and the fact that we lost track of time completely is a good sign as the conversation flowed. At no point during our dates though, did I have the urge to jump her, so to speak. Her attractiveness or a physical interest in her wasn't in my head at all. She's pretty but I'm completely at a loss as to whether I'm interested in her that way at all. We've had no physical contact really and I'm not sure if this is a barrier to these feelings as we have been careful due to Covid. We had our only awkward moment really at the end of our second date when saying goodbye. She went to bump elbows and I had it half in my mind to at least kiss her on the cheek. Afterwards she mentioned being unsure how we are supposed to act due to Covid and I being slightly flustered humorously went for a fist bump as a reply. When I got home, she had sent me a message saying she had a really nice evening and loved my company and wished me well on my trip for the next day.

Should I know if I'm interested here at this stage as I'm completely at a loss if I should suggest another date or not?

Purgative

Hi jimjim.


No doubt someone wiser in these matters will be along shortly.



My 2cents. I think you're over thinking it. You said you had a good time on the date so go on another if she seems keen. Just see where it goes. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't, and is just a nice evening spent with pleasant company.



If after a third or fourth date you really don't fancy the girl the maybe do each of you a favour and end it.


Best of luck.

Idle Passerby

I second what the above poster said. It sounds like it's too soon to say if you fancy her or not. Maybe after another date or two you'll know there's nothing there but it would be a shame to cut her loose before you know if your interested.

BillyBiggs

I’d actually go against the other posters. If you don’t want to jump her now, I’d cut my loses. You can’t force attraction. She either floats your boat or doesn’t. Hearing her intellectual musings on global warming on a further date, isn’t going to give you a raging horn.:-)

claire!!!

it sounds like you had a great date, i would go on one more date to see if there is a physical attraction there

1hnr79jr65

The only thing you have to lose on having another date is some time and possibly a small bit of money. Reality is some chats/texts/emails and 1 date is not going to give you a true view of the person you are interested in. You don't need to want to jump their bones immediately to find out if you are a good match or not, i like you had reasons for late life dating and took my time,no harm you doing the same if that suits you.

mojesius

The fact that you lost track of time on the date says a lot. Personally if I wasn't feeling it and there was no connection, I'd be mentally willing the clock to go faster and start subconsciously noticing things I didn't find attractive about them (both physically and personality wise).

It sounds like you don't find her unattractive and you enjoyed the dates. Unless your gut is telling you 'i'll just never like her in that sense', I'd say try another date!

Airyfairy12

What are you looking for OP? Do you have high standards for the women you date in terms of attractiveness? Are you expecting a VS model? You said she's pretty and you get on really well but will potentially end things because she's not as attractive as you'd like her to be.
Id have a good think about whats most important to you when it comes to relationships. Attraction often grows the more you get to know someone.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

I don't think I have unreasonable expectations in terms of attractiveness. I have developed an attraction to women before who I initially may not have looked too closely at.

As a few posters have pointed out, I don't have a whole lot to lose by going on another date. I'm pretty sure we will have a good time regardless. I suppose being out of the dating game for so long I'm pretty unsure of myself. She initiated some text chat yesterday so she would likely be receptive to another date.

The physical distancing is not really helping, as we're both working from home there's a small but limited risk in physical contact. Need to find a way to jump across that hurdle on the next date and going forwards.

osarusan

Put the 'attraction should be instant' thoughts aside and give the 'slow burner' approach a try.

Give yourself a few more dates before pulling the plug anyway. As people have said, what do you have to lose? She seems keen on you at least in the same way you are on her, and you get on well so the dates should be enjoyable if nothing else.

LegacyUser

I have another date with her on Friday night, so we will see how it goes

BillyBiggs

jimjim72 wrote: »

I have another date with her on Friday night, so we will see how it goes

Give her the onion.;-)

LegacyUser

BillyBiggs wrote: »

Give her the onion.;-)

I don't plan on it. Step by step

pgj2015

Have a few more drinks Friday.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Hi OP as you've answered the question of whether to go on another date or not, I'm going to close the thread now.

If you want it reopened just let me or one of the other Mods know.

Thanks to all who offered help and advice.

Hannibal