see

copperhead

try to put the feelings down on a a piece of paper
its something i cant, not for now maybe later
for what is the point what is the goal
maybe there better inside, tormenting my soul
why would i let anybody have a glimpse inside of me
im sure its better if they didn't see
i try me best to keep me to me .

Sheridan81

I don't know what you're really going for but there's nothing original there; it reads like uninspired juvenilia.

copperhead

Sheridan81 wrote: »

I don't know what you're really going for but there's nothing original there; it reads like uninspired juvenilia.

Well it was just a few words that came into my mind off the cuff, I wasn't really going for anything as you put it,
I have no idea who you are nor do I want to but having looked looked back at a few of your posts it seems that there is very little you like or get in the creative writing forum, apart from of course your own writing which you have great admiration for and would win prizes if published or so you say, I simply wrote down a few words, there dosnt have to be a structure or even stand up to scrutiny, there just simply a collection of words, and words tend to resinate with some more that others, it wasnt meant to inspire, it was simply a collection of words that popped into my head tge funny thing is it has taken me longer to write this reply than poem

Das Kitty

Sheridan81 wrote: »

I don't know what you're really going for but there's nothing original there; it reads like uninspired juvenilia.

Hi Sheridan81,

Please try to give constructive feedback on this forum. Some tips are linked in the Project Charter: https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057741947

DK (Mod)

Sheridan81

Das Kitty wrote: »

Hi Sheridan81,

Please try to give constructive feedback on this forum.

That is constructive criticism. What more can be said about it?

If people are just going to post stuff "on the fly" and then throw their toys out of the pram if someone isn't impressed, then I'll not bother.

In case you haven't noticed, I'm one of the few people who actually provide any feedback at all on this forum. If you want the forum even more dead than it is, then I'll only reply to poems that are actually any good.

km85264

copperhead wrote: »

Well it was just a few words that came into my mind off the cuff, I wasn't really going for anything as you put it,
I have no idea who you are nor do I want to but having looked looked back at a few of your posts it seems that there is very little you like or get in the creative writing forum, apart from of course your own writing which you have great admiration for and would win prizes if published or so you say, I simply wrote down a few words, there dosnt have to be a structure or even stand up to scrutiny, there just simply a collection of words, and words tend to resinate with some more that others, it wasnt meant to inspire, it was simply a collection of words that popped into my head tge funny thing is it has taken me longer to write this reply than poem

Absolutely. Go for it!!

Livvie

Sheridan81 wrote: »

I don't know what you're really going for but there's nothing original there; it reads like uninspired juvenilia.

Harsh criticism is best accompanied by some constructive advice which most writers would welcome. Help the writer understand what inspired your opinion.