Banned from Cooking Meat by Veggie Wife

Clare_Culchie

So, this guy I know is married to a vegetarian for a few years. She's been vegetarian all her life, it wasn't a surprise to him.
They've got a lovely house & fine kitchen but all she'd be happy to eat would be toast and sandwich-fillers (lettuce, potato salad, etc)?
He's started frying up or cooking the odd bit of steak or fish and she's having none of it - he waits until she's gone to bed and puts the extractor fan to full but it's not enough - it's a week in the doghouse for him at best.
At a restaurant ( an occasion that is rare) he'd order meat & she's got no problem with that, her only problem is him cooking in the house - and that's a BIG problem for her.
So, question: who's being the more unreasonable in this scenario - the guy wanting to rustle up a late-night protein binge of steak or even store-bought shepherds pie, or the girl who is veggie, has always been veggie and is offended that her husband would dare disrespect her by filling their house with cooked animal fumes?
Asking for a friend.

ronivek

Frying steak or fish tends to fill a house with odour you can often smell even the next day; so I can understand to some extent why it might irritate her if that’s her main objection.

If her objection also extends to any meat that doesn’t leave the kitchen or house smelling like cooked flesh then I might think she was being a bit unreasonable; but the way you’ve mentioned the extractor fan makes me think it’s this smell alone which annoys her. Is that the case?

Minime2.5

Clare_Culchie wrote: »

So, this guy I know is married to a vegetarian for a few years. She's been vegetarian all her life, it wasn't a surprise to him.
They've got a lovely house & fine kitchen but all she'd be happy to eat would be toast and sandwich-fillers (lettuce, potato salad, etc)?
He's started frying up or cooking the odd bit of steak or fish and she's having none of it - he waits until she's gone to bed and puts the extractor fan to full but it's not enough - it's a week in the doghouse for him at best.
At a restaurant ( an occasion that is rare) he'd order meat & she's got no problem with that, her only problem is him cooking in the house - and that's a BIG problem for her.
So, question: who's being the more unreasonable in this scenario - the guy wanting to rustle up a late-night protein binge of steak or even store-bought shepherds pie, or the girl who is veggie, has always been veggie and is offended that her husband would dare disrespect her by filling their house with cooked animal fumes?
Asking for a friend.

Shes the unreasonable one . Surely she knew he was a meat eater before before they got married and just because she chooses not to eat meat doesn't give her the right to dictate to him not eating meat. I suspect that you are the wife or a friend of the wife OP, why else would you further try and demonize what hes doing by using the terms 'late night protein binge'(Is he binging or just having a normal sized meal) or 'dare disrespect her by filling their house with cooked animal flesh.' As I said already surely she already knew he ate meat. And he shouldn't have to wait until shes gone to bed , he should be able to cook it whenever he likes. The hint is in the fact as mentioned its their house not only her house

You can't force your beliefs on someone or expect to be the judge of what they can or cannot do. I'd never stand for it.

NIMAN

-No video links please-

Tell me how

Both are at fault for getting married before figuring out are the compatible on such a fundamental level.
I'd put a large portion of the blame on her for that given that she already knew he ate meat and couldn't have expected it would just arrive cooked and odourless.
He's at fault for trying to cook late night, that's never going to be sustainable.

I would suggest he buys a set of coooking utensils and pan for his meat and shows he is trying to be conscientious in not using equipment which she will be using and that she learns to accept that meat smells when it is being cooked (smells delicious imo) There are smells from hummus and stir-fries as well and so she either accepts it, or they start talking about how incompatible they are.

(I'm single, and therefore an expert on how married people should behave)

I've read about that solution before and it's really as good as it gets. Separate bunch of stuff only he uses.

I'd be very concerned about having children with someone who doesn't allow me to eat meat in my own home because there is no way she'd let my kids do it.

Febreeze

Clare_Culchie wrote: »

So, this guy I know is married to a vegetarian for a few years. She's been vegetarian all her life, it wasn't a surprise to him.
They've got a lovely house & fine kitchen but all she'd be happy to eat would be toast and sandwich-fillers (lettuce, potato salad, etc)?
He's started frying up or cooking the odd bit of steak or fish and she's having none of it - he waits until she's gone to bed and puts the extractor fan to full but it's not enough - it's a week in the doghouse for him at best.
At a restaurant ( an occasion that is rare) he'd order meat & she's got no problem with that, her only problem is him cooking in the house - and that's a BIG problem for her.
So, question: who's being the more unreasonable in this scenario - the guy wanting to rustle up a late-night protein binge of steak or even store-bought shepherds pie, or the girl who is veggie, has always been veggie and is offended that her husband would dare disrespect her by filling their house with cooked animal fumes?
Asking for a friend.

It's hardly a new thing that she learned. He knew she's a vegetarian and she knew he wasn't. Why should he change his eating habits to suit her needs?

Granted I absolutely detest the smell of steak and fish the next day. Even with all the windows open and fan on, there's always a lingering smell. Even the oils used, I use low cal spray (sorry to those who prefer a big greasy steak, I'm one of those women who ruin a perfectly good steak) and there's still a smell but again, why should he stop eating his favourite meals? The same with herself. I'm sure there's food she eats or cooks and he's not too impressed with the look or smell but he's hardly going to make her change her mind.

The only disrespect here is the woman who chooses not to eat meat for her own reasons and expects the husband to nod his head and stop eating whatever he wants. What does she want him to do? Starve? She's just going to have to put up with it. He's even waited until she's gone to bed. What more does she want?

Gruffalux

Hmmm. Difficult one. I feel for both.
The smell of cooked or cooking meat can be utterly repulsive to some.
The drive to eat cooked flesh can be completely overwhelming for others
I am vegetarian, husband also, kids were raised vegetarian, all was well until they became teenage werewolves with bursting desires for meat.
I really tried to tolerate the smell and the grease and having to clear up after their savageries but - here is a shocker now! - meat is offensive to vegetarians. What an impasse.
Luckily we have covered outdoor spaces of various sorts. I bought them grills and a barbeque, so they cooked meat outside. I know. I am a monster. If ever I was away though, for a weekend or something, I would return to sausage-infused draperies and a cooker splash back covered in the fat of unfortunate animals. Ah well. They are monsters also.
Best of luck in the war.

wandererz

Advise him to do this:

1) Invest in a BBQ - gas or wood/coal fired - doesn't matter. Gas is quicker though.
2) Invest in an outdoor Pizza oven + Cat iron skillet - Ooni gas fired oven is great

Need meat pizzas, steaks or fish cooked?? = Ooni
Need sausages, steaks, chicken, fish, lobster etc slow cooked? = BBQ

Get used to cooking outside, on the balcony, patio, garden, whatever.

Get used to the enjoyment of firing up the outdoor BBQ or oven for a delicious meal, Glass of Red wine or bottle of beer in hand.
A cast iron skillet can be used on a BBQ or an outdoor oven.

Make the salad indoors. Throw her some leaves to keep her quiet (or vice versa if it was a guy).

For indoors, consider a pressure cooker and/or an airfryer as well.

ArthurG

They’ve been married for a few years and he’s only recently started cooking meat at home? Something doesn’t add up here.

Stepping Stone

I would guess that if this is real, it’s a combination of him cooking food that stinks late at night and his wife being greeted with the smell and the mess the next day and the fact that this is a new thing.

My OH is banned from cooking smelly stuff like this. Why? Because he splatters grease everywhere, doesn’t clean it up properly and the place will stink for days. All smelly meats get done on the BBQ by me or he waits til we’re out. Luckily, he’s not a fan of day old fish, steak, burger or chop smell either.

The chan chan man

Moved to Relationship Issues..

biko

Have the smell of fish in the house can be pretty disgusting.
Tell him to use the grill in the garage to cook and then eat inside.

silver2020

Mr Foreman is your answer.

very simple solution from 20+ years experience.

Get a george foreman and put it in the utility room - or if she's really pedantic, get an outdoor socket installed & an over head canopy https://www.amazon.co.uk/slp/plastic-door-canopy/3x87tpyg24c26he and a weatherproof table.

When he (you ) want meat, bring Mr Foreman out to the table and cook away.

Great for most meats esp breakfast - but won't give you the perfect steak.

Also I advise 2 x microwaves, 2 x knife blocks and if cooking in the oven, separate oven trays.

Just be thankful she is not a vegan!

GLaDOS

Did they live together before getting married?

Not sure either is particularly right or wrong, more a failure to communicate.

Dizzyblonde

Mod note:Moved from the Food forum because this is more a relationship issue.

osarusan

ArthurG wrote: »

They’ve been married for a few years and he’s only recently started cooking meat at home? Something doesn’t add up here.

Indeed.

If it's true, it would suggest that he hasn't been cooking meat at home for some years, maybe never since they started living together or bought a home or whatever.

Did they ever come to an agreement about cooking/not cooking meat in the house years ago, and if so, what was the agreement?

If any of this is true, it's a pretty central issue that should have been resolved before they ever started living together. They're both entitled to their principles, but compromises have to be made.

antix80

He should cook outside but still "win"

Get really nice equipment.. Gas bbq, maybe a fire pit too, decent seating, decorated with planters and basically made into an area he can enjoy with his friends. A garden shed with a few taps and a small dining table for meateating and beer drinking for when the weather isn't great. The project shouldn't cost less than a few grand

Let her stick to cold salads while he lives the dream.

eviltwin

She's being unreasonable. It's his home and he's allowed eat what he likes. Once he doesn't expect her to cook or eat it. I'm vegan living with a pair of meat eaters and it's about respecting each other's preferences

99nsr125

She is

Every day, all day long she is

She's engaging in coercive, controlling behaviour. It's emotional and psychological abuse.

LegacyUser

I don't understand why are you getting involved OP? This isn't your wife so what exactly are you going to do? I'm sure you have an opinion and have already shared it with your friend so polling strangers on the internet regarding the inner workings of relationship you are not part of is pointless. You've given a very board overview but as you aren't the husband or the wife you don't know what is really going on behind closed doors.

We can all argue here till the cows come home about who is right or wrong but at the end of the day its pretty pointless as no one on this thread is actually in this relationship.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

I agree with the above. I think you have enough to go on OP. And as you are not in the relationship, it's hard for posters to advise you to resolve the situation.

Rather than have it slide into a discussion about a third party, I'm going to close the thread here.

Thanks

HS