Message him again or leave it

LegacyUser

I met this great guy during lock down on a dating app and obviously we couldn't meet up due to the restrictions at the time so we video chatted etc. We talked for over two months.

We got on really well and seemed to click, we have a lot in common etc.

So fast forward a bit and the restrictions were lifted and of course we had plans to meet but during this time everything went a bit mad for me, a member of my family became very ill and at the same time things were hectic at work so in the end he got sick of me. He stopped talking to me and I don't blame him for obvious reasons.

The problem is I never told him any of this because I didn't want him to think it was an excuse. To be honest my head was all over the place and i don't deal with stress well.

So I left him be for a while and then I messaged to apologise but again I didn't say why I couldn't meet but he ignored it.

So now I'm thinking should I message again or leave him be?

I still think about him alot because I think it could of had potential. He also said stuff to me along those lines.

So what should I do.

Dial Hard

I'd leave it. You already reached out again and he ignored you. There's your answer, tbh.

Got absolutely nothing to lose. See if he wants to meet up

knucklehead6

As a bloke to me it would sound like you’re making excuses.

You should’ve at least hinted at what was going on at the time. For all he knows you were seeing someone else, that didn’t work out and now you want to go for second choice steve.

skallywag

I would also be thinking exactly this from the what you described, i.e. someone else popped up who you were more taken with, it did not work out, so now you are going through the list of B-candidates again.

To be blunt, if you had really wanted to mend bridges then you had your chance when you messaged to apologize. Why did you not explain some details at that point?

I would leave it go now to be honest, I would imagine that he has put you into time waster category, albeit that is not the case.

leggo

Yeah whenever I put myself in his shoes, I’d struggle to be able to take any attempts to reach out seriously and as more than a timewaster/melt who’s now run out of options and is getting lonely so is coming back tail between legs. It’s next to impossible to come back from that when you’re talking to someone with self-respect. Their logic will always be that you’d have found time or at least texted to let them know stuff was going on if you were THAT interested. Besides he could be chatting to someone he likes by now too and have put you in the rear. Feelings move fast when you’re in the app stage because you can’t really get too attached to someone you’ve never met.

To be clear I’m not saying that you are a timewaster/melt OP, I also sympathise with your position and was much the same as you myself with anyone I was texting over lockdown because every day something important seemed to come up and distract me. So I totally get it. But if you’ve already reached out and got nothing back, that is pretty much that and time to let this one go and chalk it down to a lesson sadly.

osarusan

If you come out with all these reasons now he will just think they are excuses, as you never mentioned them at the time.

bitofabind

I think the lesson learned here is lead with honesty always. You’re now in an unsalvageable situation with a guy you had potential with because you didn’t drop a quick text saying something like “Things have gotten chaotic with a family illness and a lot of work stress. I still really want to meet up, but realistically it will be a few weeks” or something to that effect.

Things are pretty ruthless online. Someone ghosting or fading or being non-committal is a deal-breaker for most people with healthy self-esteem. I’d be pretty hard and fast about that myself, and I’ve also been a bit flakey during lockdown for similar reasons to you. I think you have to acknowledge that your behaviour has consequences including jeopardising dates when people get frustrated with you, even if your intentions were never bad.

Try to get better at communicating and being frank and upfront with others, even and especially when you are under pressure. It will stand you very well in all aspects of life.

Tork

Good communication is one of the most important things in any walk of life, not just in a possible relationship. You really should have explained to him what was happening instead of acting weird/going to ground (it's not clear what it is you did). You didn't have to give him lots of detail about what was happening other than to say that you had this very sick relative and might not be around as much. The hectic at work reason is something that is often used as an excuse to explain why someone isn't keeping in contact so that's one to be more wary of. You don't seem to have explained it at all in your apology text so what do you expect him to think? He isn't a mind-reader.

I'm afraid you're going to have to cut your losses on this one and learn how to communicate better. And if you go to pieces with stress, see if there is any help you can get for that. That isn't an appealing characteristic either and may come against you in the future.

sadie1502

I'd contact him. Explain apologise and admit you made a mistake. You've nothing to lose at this point so why not. At least you know for definite. Best of luck.