Alone, scared and confused

Miss123.ie

I had a sexual relationship with a close friend and her boyfriend last night. It was the first time meeting him and after an evening of taking cocaine and drinking he had a boner and whipped it out in front of my friend and I. It was very clear that he wanted to have some sort of sexual relationship. I partook, but certainly felt pressure and uncomfortable about it from begin to end. It didn't bring me any pleasure whatsoever. He even went so far as to ask me if I wanted to give him a golden shower.

I had discussed earlier in the evening that I had never in my life had an orgasm and therefore I don't value having sex very much. But I feel as though my personal boundaries were crossed. My open minded nature exploited just for a sexual fantasy he had with his girlfriend, who really does fulfill every sexual fantasy he has. I don't know who to turn to for advice.

I feel dirty, I have no one around me that I can turn to and speak to this. I have felt very suicidal the last few days and have really been considering taking my life. I have suffered with depression all my life living through various stints of extreme lows and very highs. But living life really doesn't even seem worth it anymore. I am giving up.

I dont know where the question is here but I'm scared and don't know what to do. This is just the last instance of me not caring about my body and respecting myself and I can't do it anymore.

If you are suicidal,ring the samartians first and foremost

Tango Foxtrot

Call Aware 1800 80 48 48

More to the topic, you have the right to be angry at your friend and their boyfriend for pushing you into an uncomfortable situation. Don't blame yourself, misadventures like that happen to the most confident of us. Please talk to your GP, call Aware.

lucalux

That sounds very upsetting, and I understand a lot of what you've said.

Firstly can I just say, you don't have anything to be ashamed about, it's no bad reflection on you to have done that, though I know you aren't happy that it happened, or how it came about.

Secondly, you sound like you need support in general, not just with this, and I recommend the Samaritans in the short term, your GP then as soon as you can, and allow yourself to accept help and comfort in this time.

Life is hard, especially with massive swings of emotions and moods. It can be helped though, and you can make your life into one you want to live.
Give yourself as much care and comfort as you can, and when you ring the Samaritans, don't feel bad about ringing a couple of times if you find the person you get talking to at first isn't a good fit for your issues today.

You're already starting to recognise you need support and looking for it, give yourself a pat on the back for that, it's not easy - and shows you have courage

Best of luck and I hope the answers here offer help:)

Hannibal_Smith

Hi Miss123.ie

Please know that you do not have to deal with this on your own.

We encourage people experiencing difficulties to talk to someone they trust and, if appropriate, to go to their GP. If you need help urgently and outside of GP hours, please go to your nearest A&E department.

Here at Boards.ie our moderators are not trained to support people experiencing difficulties. There are other organisations better positioned to provide specialised support. These organisations are listed below. We hope that you will follow these up so that you can get the help and support you need.

If you need immediate help:
Aware’s Support Line is open 7 days per week, 10am-10pm on 1800 804 848

The Samaritan’s phone line is open 24/7 on 116 123

Pieta offer one-to-one, face-to-face support. Click 'Contact us' to find the phone number and opening hours of your nearest branch on their site or email mary@pieta.ie for advice on getting an appointment.

If you need non-urgent help:
Aware have a support email service at supportmail@aware.ie

There are some other useful services that you can use also listed here.

Also, ‘50808’ is a first of its kind for Ireland, a free 24/7 text service, providing everything from a calming chat to immediate support for people going through a mental health or emotional crisis. Crisis Volunteers are available 24/7 for anonymous text conversations.