Lack of sex & drug use

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I've been with my partner for just over a year and during that time there have been a few issues around sex and drugs. I am crazy about this guy and overall we are really happy and on the same page but the issue is our differing sex drives adn his lack of 'spark'.
At the begining, we had great sex so I know he is capable of it but after a few months, it really dwindled not just in quantity but in quality. He didn't seem to be putting any effort in at all.

I must add, he is a regular drug user and I think this is definitely playing a big part. This is a side issue however.
I started to feel really insecure and rejected around sex because he never initiates it and often says he's too tired or has a headache or *insert excuse here*.
We had a candid conversation recently and he told me that he has always had a low sex drive and that he even went to a Doctor about it who told him to get his testorone tested but he never did this. He said it's been a problem in past relationships too.

The other night I told him that I feel he makes no effort and he said he knows that and is sorry. He said he's been taking me/sex with me for grated and has been just been 'showing up'. He said he feels low alot of the time. I asked if he could be depressed and he said that he isn't.

I really don't want to break up over this as I love him but it's very hard to deal with constantly being rejected.
If we're in bed in the morning and I touch him, he'll immediately get up to 'make coffee' and I lay there feeling really sad and rejected.
He went away for the weekend recently and took his wsh bag with him. Iasked him for a pankiller the other evening as I had neck pain and he said look in my washbag. There were condoms in there. We don't use condoms. I asked him about them and he said they're from before. I just wonder why he still has them. This is really bothering me and I can't even figure out why exactly.
There was also a girls pedicure kit in there. It was a pink nail file with flowers on it and a pink nail scissors. I didn't ask about this but it's also bothering me.

I guess my issue is how to tackle this without driving him away? I feel particularly bad as I write this as he rejected me again this morning (we live together).

The condoms in the washbag are a minor thing but are also on my mind, as is the pedicure kit.

I just feel really down today and in general over this and would really appreciate some outside impartial opinions.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.

skinny90

Nosexbecs wrote: »

Hi All,

I've been with my partner for just over a year and during that time there have been a few issues around sex and drugs. I am crazy about this guy and overall we are really happy and on the same page but the issue is our differing sex drives adn his lack of 'spark'.
At the begining, we had great sex so I know he is capable of it but after a few months, it really dwindled not just in quantity but in quality. He didn't seem to be putting any effort in at all.

I must add, he is a regular drug user and I think this is definitely playing a big part. This is a side issue however.
I started to feel really insecure and rejected around sex because he never initiates it and often says he's too tired or has a headache or *insert excuse here*.
We had a candid conversation recently and he told me that he has always had a low sex drive and that he even went to a Doctor about it who told him to get his testorone tested but he never did this. He said it's been a problem in past relationships too.

The other night I told him that I feel he makes no effort and he said he knows that and is sorry. He said he's been taking me/sex with me for grated and has been just been 'showing up'. He said he feels low alot of the time. I asked if he could be depressed and he said that he isn't.

I really don't want to break up over this as I love him but it's very hard to deal with constantly being rejected.
If we're in bed in the morning and I touch him, he'll immediately get up to 'make coffee' and I lay there feeling really sad and rejected.
He went away for the weekend recently and took his wsh bag with him. Iasked him for a pankiller the other evening as I had neck pain and he said look in my washbag. There were condoms in there. We don't use condoms. I asked him about them and he said they're from before. I just wonder why he still has them. This is really bothering me and I can't even figure out why exactly.
There was also a girls pedicure kit in there. It was a pink nail file with flowers on it and a pink nail scissors. I didn't ask about this but it's also bothering me.

I guess my issue is how to tackle this without driving him away? I feel particularly bad as I write this as he rejected me again this morning (we live together).

The condoms in the washbag are a minor thing but are also on my mind, as is the pedicure kit.

I just feel really down today and in general over this and would really appreciate some outside impartial opinions.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.

Depression and drugs isn’t a good mix. That being said if he is a drug user he will be good at coming up with excuses that might make you think like your the paranoid one, just like an alcho or anyone else with a serious addiction or problem.
The fact that you say he has a drug problem speaks volumes.
My advice is do not be paranoid, go with your gut. The fact that you don’t use condoms and the lack of intimacy should help you see you out of this relationship. If it’s answers your looking for, remember your dealing with someone with a drug problem who is escaping from his own problems so you prob won’t get the answers you are looking for. Good luck and get out of this mess as soon as you can

The chan chan man

Christ I don’t think I‘D have the patience to be dealing with someone like this. No sex, drugs and a pink nailfile kit... After 1 year? I can’t tell you what to do, but I personally wouldn’t waste my time having been with a cheater before. I’m not saying he is cheating but he sounds like a spanner.

fran38

Unless your fella likes fileing his nails, pink is his favourite colour and he loves making water balloons out of old condoms ....well, you know the rest.

LegacyUser

In my opinion you'd be mad to stay in this relationship.
No sex after a year and he's a drug user. I'm not going to end well. His libido caused problems in his other relationships, his partners probably felt a lot of hurt and pain through all of that and yet he thinks it's ok to do it again to the next partner because he won't get his testosterone checked?? He clearly hasn't learned anything. If he's not going to try to get to the bottom of it then he should be honest with women from the start!

Are you young? You don't seem to be making a big deal out of the drug use, you say it's a side issue.