Take the high road or post on Facebook?

I confronted my ex this morning about all the money she stole at the end of our relationship. Her response was a simple "I don't regret it."

Two weeks ago, she asked me for a lend. And today, she asked me for the motorbike I bought her six years ago. I responded saying I'd rather burn it and she should ask her new boyfriend for a bike. I'm 99% sure that the relationship started before we broke up.

I never ever post on FB but I really want to say something so her friends can see what she did. But the other side of me thinks that's a bit pathetic and I shouldn't air my grievances in public.

She is a thief though and got away with a fair amount. She deserves some public shaming imo.

LurkerNo1

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I confronted my ex this morning about all the money she stole at the end of our relationship. Her response was a simple "I don't regret it."

Two weeks ago, she asked me for a lend. And today, she asked me for the motorbike I bought her six years ago. I responded saying I'd rather burn it and she should ask her new boyfriend for a bike. I'm 99% sure that the relationship started before we broke up.

I never ever post on FB but I really want to say something so her friends can see what she did. But the other side of me thinks that's a bit pathetic and I shouldn't air my grievances in public.

She is a thief though and got away with a fair amount. She deserves some public shaming imo.

Dont make it public, you will be letting the emotional and anger side dictate your reaction. I understand in the moment it is what you want to do but I think you might regret being so public in future. Take your time, have a think and dont rush into it.

Loveinapril

Don't bother. It would appear petty and it would just create drama. Let it go and move on.

Yeah I know ye're right. So fùcking annoying that she's just sitting there getting away with it.

ronivek

Accusing someone of theft in a public post sounds like a really bad idea. Aside from the potential legal ramifications I suspect most people wouldn’t look kindly on your behaviour.

Why are you still talking to this woman at all if she allegedly stole a significant amount from you? How is it you have possession of “her motorbike”?

Tokyo

Deleted User wrote: »

I never ever post on FB but I really want to say something so her friends can see what she did. But the other side of me thinks that's a bit pathetic and I shouldn't air my grievances in public.

Not just you - a certain percentage of other people will think the same if you let loose on Facebook, and she'll likely respond in one of two directions - make herself out to be the victim in this situation, or make you out to be a mug in this situation - neither of which you come out of looking good.

Personally, I'd cut my losses and move on. If she is as blatant about taking advantage of others that your opening post seems to indicate, other people will already be aware of the kind of person she is.

ronivek

ronivek wrote: »

Accusing someone of theft in a public post sounds like a really bad idea. Aside from the potential legal ramifications I suspect most people wouldn’t look kindly on your behaviour.

Why are you still talking to this woman at all if she allegedly stole a significant amount from you? How is it you have possession of “her motorbike”?

She still "owns" my business so some communication is required. I now need to set up a new business and transfer everything.

The reason we talked today was she still had a few things in my apartment and I asked her to get them as I want to do a big clean out. She has my bicycle so she was going to bring that and then she asked for the motorbike. It's Vietnam so there isn't really legal ownership.. It's just whoever has hold of the paper.

mike_ie

mike_ie wrote: »

Not just you - a certain percentage of other people will think the same if you let loose on Facebook, and she'll likely respond in one of two directions - make herself out to be the victim in this situation, or make you out to be a mug in this situation - neither of which you come out of looking good.

Personally, I'd cut my losses and move on. If she is as blatant about taking advantage of others that your opening post seems to indicate, other people will already be aware of the kind of person she is.

You'd be surprised.. She was always extremely vocal if anyone she knew did something like this. Like she always said she never wanted to own half of something like an apartment if I was the one paying. I told a friend just now who has known her for seven years and he couldn't believe it. I can't believe it either. It's out of nowhere.


I will have to cut my losses and move on. I had a big post written and asked that friend if I should post it and he gave a firm no way. I don't even care about the money that much. It's only like 7k which is a decent wedge but not life changing. Divorces are far more costly. I just hate that she will get away with it and I just have to suck it up.

My cleaner is stealing from me as well and I have a camera ordered to catch her. Good times.

ronivek

[Deleted User] wrote: »

She still "owns" my business so some communication is required. I now need to set up a new business and transfer everything.

The reason we talked today was she still had a few things in my apartment and I asked her to get them as I want to do a big clean out. She has my bicycle so she was going to bring that and then she asked for the motorbike. It's Vietnam so there isn't really legal ownership.. It's just whoever has hold of the paper.

Even more reason not to rock the boat; I have no clue how the law works there but presumably she could make things more difficult for you if things got more confrontational.

Best to at the very least get your business and apartment situation resolved before even thinking about discussing anything related in public.

Best of luck with it.

ManOfMystery

This is how it will play out in your head : you'll post this long diatribe about her on Facebook, everyone will rally round and support you, she'll be named and shamed and walk around with her head down and her reputation in tatters.

This is how it will actually play out : you'll post this long diatribe about her on Facebook, some people will instantly take sides regardless of who is right or wrong, some will see you as a spurned ex, she will then post 'her side of the story' (which will no doubt include some falsities alongside her denial of it all), the whole thing will go back and forth for some time and no-one will come out of it looking good. And amongst all the people who read it, a large portion simply won't care about this drama which has nothing to do with them and will shake their heads at the need to air dirty laundry on social media.

I totally understand your desire to expose her for the type of person she is - I've had money fraudulently taken (albeit by a friend, not an ex) and been in your shoes. But unfortunately life is not always fair and we can't always tie up every situation neatly the way we want to.

I would have suggested taking her to the small claims court if you felt you had enough evidence for a case, but then I saw your reference to Vietnam - I'll assume there is no equivalent legal route there?

The best thing you can take from situations like this is that you learn to spot warning signs in people like this so you can avoid the same situation in future.

Heart Break Kid

Deleted User wrote: »

And today, she asked me for the motorbike I bought her six years ago. I responded saying I'd rather burn it and she should ask her new boyfriend for a bike. I'm 99% sure that the relationship started before we broke up.

When you buy and give a gift to someone, its theirs, you can't take it back.

Heart Break Kid

Heart Break Kid wrote: »

When you buy and give a gift to someone, its theirs, you can't take it back.

She hasn't used it in around three years. She never drives. And it wasn't a "gift". She needed a bike so I got a bike. It's absurd for her to ask for it having stolen so much.

Do you have opinion on what she did or do you want to focus on me?

Caranica

If she has stolen from you, surely you go to the police?

Caranica

Caranica wrote: »

If she has stolen from you, surely you go to the police?

No. That's not how things work in Vietnam.

osarusan

I wouldn't post on facebook, there is no way it will end well.

If you just want her out of your life as soon and as completely as possible, either give her the bike, or sell it, or burn it. Take it out of the equation. Don't let it be something that causes communicaton to drag on or serves as a constant bump in the road.

Do you need her cooperaton to get your business transferred to your own name, and if so, is the bike a price worth paying?

Could she dig her feet in and cause problems with the business? Sounds like she would if she could, especially if things turned into a tit-fot-tat battle.

Tork

You'd be better off using your energy to set up a new business and eliminating the last traces of her from your life. My instinct is for you to sell the bike but as somebody pointed out, it has the potential to hold other things up. If you can't prove that she stole money from you and there are no legal avenues open to you, all you can do is cut your losses and move on. A post on Facebook won't work in the way you want it to, much as you'd love it to unfold in that way. Maybe it'd help to write everything out in a letter and then burn it.

Maybe the best thing you can do is learn from this relationship. You got ripped off by your ex and you mentioned your cleaner is stealing from you. Maybe both of them did this because you're coming across as somebody who's a bit soft and can be exploited?

JeffKenna

[Deleted User] wrote: »

She still "owns" my business so some communication is required. I now need to set up a new business and transfer everything.

The reason we talked today was she still had a few things in my apartment and I asked her to get them as I want to do a big clean out. She has my bicycle so she was going to bring that and then she asked for the motorbike. It's Vietnam so there isn't really legal ownership.. It's just whoever has hold of the paper.

How much is this business worth? If it's a substantial amount I'd be seeking legal advise but if it's only the €7k I wouldn't be. It has the potential to get messy so don't do something that you'll regret. Keep the bike for now but don't sell it.

HildaOgdenx

ManOfMystery wrote: »

This is how it will play out in your head : you'll post this long diatribe about her on Facebook, everyone will rally round and support you, she'll be named and shamed and walk around with her head down and her reputation in tatters.

This is how it will actually play out : you'll post this long diatribe about her on Facebook, some people will instantly take sides regardless of who is right or wrong, some will see you as a spurned ex, she will then post 'her side of the story' (which will no doubt include some falsities alongside her denial of it all), the whole thing will go back and forth for some time and no-one will come out of it looking good.

100% this. Posting on Facebook will not end well. Do whatever you need to do to get her out of your life. It's a costly lesson, but take it for what it is, and move on with your head held high.

Oranage2

Tork wrote: »

You'd be better off using your energy to set up a new business and eliminating the last traces of her from your life. My instinct is for you to sell the bike but as somebody pointed out, it has the potential to hold other things up. If you can't prove that she stole money from you and there are no legal avenues open to you, all you can do is cut your losses and move on. A post on Facebook won't work in the way you want it to, much as you'd love it to unfold in that way. Maybe it'd help to write everything out in a letter and then burn it.

Maybe the best thing you can do is learn from this relationship. You got ripped off by your ex and you mentioned your cleaner is stealing from you. Maybe both of them did this because you're coming across as somebody who's a bit soft and can be exploited?

The cleaner stealing is scummy, he employs her and she'll support her family with the wage he gives her.

I'd forget it as hard as that sounds, nothing is going to change if you do post it and it will make you seem like crazy shmuk.

leggo

Yeah no this is one of those where the thread title alone gives you the answer you need, and to be fair OP you seem to know that already yourself.

Just walk away from this mess and learn lessons for the future. It's hard, I've been in similar situations with money owed etc so I totally get how you want to get them back and make them feel some consequence/don't want them to 'win', all of that. But you won't change anyone's mind on her. Your friends will support you, hers will support her and believe whatever she tells them, and ultimately because you did that you'll automatically look crazy to them.

The way you 'win' over exes is having a great life without them. Start yours and let this go, you'll be glad you did when the initial anger wears off.

KiKi III

This is what WhatsApp groups are for. Tell your mates what happened, they’ll tell their girlfriends, word will spread just as much without you looking like a dick.

I'm already putting it behind me. Unfortunately, the cleaner got fired by the new building manager on Tuesday and the camera only arrived yesterday so never got proof of that. Some closure on both fronts even if I'm down money.