Build next to parents or buy

thatsmighty

I have been living at home for the past number of years rent free. I’ve been getting meals and clothes washed while paying for electricity, broadband and doing jobs around the house. I have now saved up money to buy a mortgage.

My mum really wants me to build next to the house as she would appreciate extra company and security, as her health isn’t the best. As a single man, I feel like I would be sacrificing my privacy and freedom by committing to living next to my parents. I’ve thought about buying a house secretly in town nearby but think this would devastate her, even if I didn’t stay there all the time. It could destroy our relationship. It is a really difficult issue to discuss with her and I don’t know what to do. Thanks for any advice in advance.

Loveinapril

Please don't secretly buy a house! You are right in that you would be sacrificing a lot to in building next to them, especially if your mother's needs were to increase. You need to have a frank discussion where you tell your mother that you are a grown man and need to have a life outside of their home. If this damages your relationship then she mustn't understand that her role as a parent was to raise a self sufficient adult. You can still care for her but I would be cautious to build next to their house if the sole reason was for company and caring for them.

Arealred

Are you the only child? Is there other family members that caring responsibilities will be shared with down the line?

Are you likely to inherit your mother's property. If so you could buy a property in nearby town, live in it for a year or so and say you want it as an investment property.

If I were you I would talk it through with your mother first, whilst it's your decision you have to factor in your mother's wishes

Pistachio19

Just tell her you have found a house you'd like to buy that is ready to move into now and cannot honestly be bothered with the hassle of building - waiting on planning, finding a builder, picking out bathrooms etc etc... You are entitled to have a life and shouldn't feel guilty for moving out of home. It's what most adult children do and your mother should respect that. It's not as if you're moving to the other end of the country. You'd still be near enough to drop in to see your parents and be available for an emergency.