Is she really interested

LegacyUser

I am males single

A married woman at work makes suggestive remarks. We were walking to a meeting and i was lagging behind because i hurt my back at footbal. when i said this i could not keep up she said it's from all the Sh***ing and went on to describes acts i had or would do

In a pub once pre covid were were a group from work and were eating and drinkingi went to the bar and stood with my back to the bar waiting for the dink to be ready. she came up to me and brushed her breasts across my chest

She has said once her hsband is not much interested in her

Wewill be going back to work soon.What should i do, is it just a tease or should i respond?

hedzball

Tell her her husband would be very interested to find out.

Avoid like the plague man. You could be bringing a world of hurt on you by entertaining her. Shes looking for attention maybe even a few rounds of it. But dont be that fool or toy for her.

cj maxx

Avoid avoid avoid. A bored pr1cktease

unhappys10

Two things jumping out here.
1. don't sh1t where you eat.
2. Do you want an angry husband beating your door down some night?

bitofabind

Jesus, morto for her. What an absolute bellend. If you've got half a brain cell you'll feel sorry for her and know never to put your hand into the fire. But the fact that you're even entertaining this and wondering if she's "really interested" suggests otherwise.

Xterminator

Hi OP

my advice would be to restrict any interactions to business. The standard for behavior in a meeting in work is different than that in a pub, and alcohol is a dis-inhibitor.

if she continues to harass you, document dates and times, and witnesses. Then make a complain to HR. Hopefully it wont continue but its best to be prepared just in case.

Big Bag of Chips

To answer your question bluntly she's probably as interested in you as she is in any other man that's in her general area. Observe her for a while. You will see it's not just you that she behaves like this with.

LegacyUser

"Observe her for a while. You will see it's not just you that she behaves like this with. "

Actually that is not correct, it is just me in the work place anyway and in any work social gathering

Tork

It looks like you're looking for people to tell you that you should get this colleague into bed at the first opportunity. It's a terrible idea and you know it.

Hannibal_Smith

Definitely don't respond. If her husband isn't showing her interest, that's between the two of them.

You haven't mentioned whether you like her or whether you even get on with her. Is it just because she's showing you attention that you're thinking about it?

Shes said and done a few things that you are finding a bit off. And you're right, I'd find them a bit much too. But there's no reason to return them?

LegacyUser

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Definitely don't respond. If her husband isn't showing her interest, that's between the two of them.

You haven't mentioned whether you like her or whether you even get on with her. Is it just because she's showing you attention that you're thinking about it?

Shes said and done a few things that you are finding a bit off. And you're right, I'd find them a bit much too. But there's no reason to return them?

yes i do like her. and do not just want a one night stand or anything like that.it seems her marriage is not very happy. i ma not sure if her approach is flirting or teasing without any interst

LegacyUser

Tork wrote: »

It looks like you're looking for people to tell you that you should get this colleague into bed at the first opportunity. It's a terrible idea and you know it.

actually that is wrong. i am simply clarifying for the person who said she is like that with everyone. perhaps others in other places but not at work or in my presence and i have asked workmates and they said no

Hannibal_Smith

You ask, what should you do. In my opinion you should tell her thanks, but no thanks. She's married.

Is she teasing, is she serious? No one knows but her. But is it really worth making things awkward in work? You say you don't want a one night stand, yet you can't have a relationship with her, because she's married. Is it worth it?

When you go back after the break maybe things will be grand with the husband. Maybe she'll have copped herself on.

Xterminator

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi OP

my advice would be to restrict any interactions to business. The standard for behavior in a meeting in work is different than that in a pub, and alcohol is a dis-inhibitor.

if she continues to harass you, document dates and times, and witnesses. Then make a complain to HR. Hopefully it wont continue but its best to be prepared just in case.

Really? You'd go down the HR route first before actually telling her you are not interested?

LegacyUser

I never said she was harrassing me, if that came across sorry. I am trying to guage her behaviour. I forgot to say on the day of the back incident from the OP, when we returned from the meeting we got off the train. She lives near the station i don't so i was hobbling to my car which was parked in the direction she was walking. I didn't wait she was talking to someone. I had been given a bollocking at the meeting and was upset. she caught me up and this was easy cos i could barely walk and she asked if i was OK. She asked me if i wanted to go up to her house...

Hannibal_Smith you have never heard of marriage breaking up? I do like her and if her marriage did break up i would like to have a relationship with her. I am surprised that people are surprised i would want that. Do you who are surprised i like here have relationships

Augme

Going down the HR route is terrible idea. No one in work would ever talk to you again.

If you want to find out where you stand starting flirting back and take it from there.

vikings2012

Life is short.

You should have a conversation with her about what she wants and what you want.

Just don’t let her use you for some fun and excitement in her dull and boring marriage.

Big Bag of Chips

singluarly puzzled wrote: »

Hannibal_Smith you have never heard of marriage breaking up? I do like her and if her marriage did break up i would like to have a relationship with her.

Yes. But her marriage hasn't broken up. She is still married. She is still living with him as a couple.

If you honestly think you'd like to be in a relationship with her then tell her. But tell her she needs to end her marriage first. Unless you want to start an affair?

Nobody here can tell you if she's "really interested". You'll only find that out by asking her or responding to her when she flirts with you. She sounds like a bored cliché though. Having a bit of "harmless" fun at your expense but not actually interested in leaving her family setup.

Truthvader

Xterminator wrote: »

Hi OP

my advice would be to restrict any interactions to business. The standard for behavior in a meeting in work is different than that in a pub, and alcohol is a dis-inhibitor.

if she continues to harass you, document dates and times, and witnesses. Then make a complain to HR. Hopefully it wont continue but its best to be prepared just in case.

"harass"?????? Really?

Big Bag of Chips

Truthvader, you have already been nudged in the direction of The Forum Charter. Please read it before posting again.

Personal Issues is an advice forum. Posters post looking for advice and we expect posters to respond, with advice, to the OP.

Off topic posts such as the one above add nothing to the thread and risk derailing the thread into general argument or discussion.

Thanks,
BBoC

Hannibal_Smith

Could you be adding two and two and coming up with 5? Why would she invite you back to her house after work, with her husband there?

Yes, marriages break up, but you hardly know the woman. You can't even read whether she likes you or not, so she's hardly on the brink of leaving her husband for you?

There are 3 or 4 instances where something has happened that have made you wonder. You've had time over the break to think about it and let your mind wander. Have you been in touch over the break? Are you texting each other? Having conversations in work that are non work related?

I would suggest looking at the picture as a whole instead of the isolated incidents by themselves before entertaining fantasies that she might leave her husband for you.

I certainly wouldn't count the instances you've described as someone interested in a relationship. She sounds desperate for attention and instead has the office gossiping about her. Leave her to sort out her own marriage.

LegacyUser

Hannibal_Smith wrote: »

Could you be adding two and two and coming up with 5? Why would she invite you back to her house after work, with her husband there?

Yes, marriages break up, but you hardly know the woman. You can't even read whether she likes you or not, so she's hardly on the brink of leaving her husband for you?

There are 3 or 4 instances where something has happened that have made you wonder. You've had time over the break to think about it and let your mind wander. Have you been in touch over the break? Are you texting each other? Having conversations in work that are non work related?

I would suggest looking at the picture as a whole instead of the isolated incidents by themselves before entertaining fantasies that she might leave her husband for you.

I certainly wouldn't count the instances you've described as someone interested in a relationship. She sounds desperate for attention and instead has the office gossiping about her. Leave her to sort out her own marriage.

you assume a lot

I do not know if her husband was there or not. And I never said i hardly know her. I do know her quite a while but only work in the same place about 2 years. I also did not say the office was gossipping just that i found out she does not behave with others like that

another time she came to my section asking generally i.e addrsssing everyone present for help with x . no one answerd so she asked again. then i answered and just showed her how to use what she needed to know about where upon she accused me of flirting with her. I wasn't. I simply answered the question when no one else did.

Maybe you are right and she is desperate for attention

Hannibal_Smith

Maybe you're right and I am assuming a lot. But you said you asked Co workers whether they flirt with them too. Thats gossiping. Maybe not on your part, but certainly from the perspective of those you were talking to. No?

In my opinion it sounds like some one acting really inappropriately in work. When she asks you a work related question and you answer and she asks whether you're flirting with her? That's really poor form on her part. I would find it incredibly inappropriate.

That's how I would see it. I certainly don't mean to cause you offense, but just manage your expectations with this. Don't get your hopes up. It's very dramatic to go from answering a work related question, to being asked whether you're flirting with her. It sounds like attention seeking in the creepiest way. Watch and observe when you're back in the office before you do anything would be my advice. Well ... My actual advice would be don't do anything at all, but failing that, take a step back and observe how she is with others.

qwerty13

Everything you’ve said screams attention seeker to me.

I do wonder if she only takes her truly excessive and completely inappropriate flirting so far with you because you haven’t given her the brush off.

Hard to hear, but I honestly believe she would behave like that with anyone who doesn’t tell her to stop. You’ll probably think I’m wrong, but her actions scream those of an unhappy attention seeking person. Not those of someone who wants to be specifically with you.

Be very careful. If this goes wrong, you’ll have a messed up workplace environment to deal with, and an angry husband, and a broken heart - cos I cannot see any way this person is in it for the long term.

Big Bag of Chips

singluarly puzzled wrote: »

Maybe you are right and she is desperate for attention

There's no "maybe" about it!

Honestly regardless of what she says about her husband the fact is she still has one. So, unless you are willing to try making a pass at a married woman and start an affair then you should absolutely keep your distance from her. She hasn't developed a relationship with you. She hasn't indicated that she wants to get to know you better. Certainly not enough to decide if you're worth leaving her marriage for/risking her marriage for.

All you have is a few smutty comments and crude flirting!

It is attention seeking. Definitely. And maybe she doesn't do it with others in the office because she has tried in the past and they have indicated quite clearly that they're not interested.

Tork

Have you been watching too many porn films or something? The only thing missing from this woman's behaviour is a MILF sign flashing over her head. I don't know what sort of women you normally hang out with but rubbing breasts in a man's chest and making the remarks she did aren't what women normally do if they're interested in a nice guy. This woman is a textbook bored housewife type who has sensed that you're horny (and gullible?) enough to lure into bed. It'd be insightful to hear her husband's side of the story. Perhaps he isn't interested in her any more because he's sick of her flirting and making passes at other men. Let her split from her husband first, then ask her out.

Hannibal_Smith

Mod Note

Thread closed at OPs request.

I just want to add that it if a post breaches the Forum Charter it runs the risk of not being approved.

Thank you to all who took the time to offer advice.

HS