Lonely Teen

galway1234

Hi, I am worried about my teenage daughter. She has just finished TY and since the lockdown she has not been in contact with any of her schoolmates. She is on snapchat etc but no proper contact. I see other teens in gangs & feel very bad for her. The thing is she tells me she is more than happy to be at home reading books listening to music etc. I work fulltime so worry about all the time she is alone. Does anyone else have a teen happy with their own company? As a teen myself I was constantly on the go. Am I worrying unnecessarily? I know once she is happy that is all that matters but I feel she is missing out on the best years of her life.

Idle Passerby

Lots of people are happy in their own company. She's keeping in touch with friends on Snapchat so it's not like she has zero friends at all. I'd leave her be she sounds fine.

Dial Hard

Did she meet up with friends before lockdown?

Outside of school, I mean.

galway1234

Dial Hard wrote: »

Did she meet up with friends before lockdown?

Outside of school, I mean.

Not too often maybe once a month or so but it didn't seem as bad because she was mixing with people daily.

She doesn't want to do anything with me (I guess most teens don't want to hang out with their parents) and when I force her out just sticks in her earphones & ignores the world.

radiotrickster

I would have been the same at that age. I was happy to stay in and occupy myself doing things I enjoyed. In my twenties, I became more social but only because I wanted to be.

Talking about it, comparing yourself as a teen to her and asking her questions about not going out could make her feel weird or pressured to hang out with friends when she’s happier doing her own thing.

Maybe you’re an extrovert and she’s an introvert? If she says she’s happy as is, trust her and leave her to it.

galway1234

radiotrickster wrote: »

I would have been the same at that age. I was happy to stay in and occupy myself doing things I enjoyed. In my twenties, I became more social but only because I wanted to be.

Talking about it, comparing yourself as a teen to her and asking her questions about not going out could make her feel weird or pressured to hang out with friends when she’s happier doing her own thing.

Maybe you’re an extrovert and she’s an introvert? If she says she’s happy as is, trust her and leave her to it.

Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to hear, my friends were telling me she needed to be out more, making faces when I said she was happy as she is. She is very confident in herself so that is the most important thing. I'll stop with the pressure/ stupid questions. Thanks again

Citygirl1

Hi. I would have been very like her as a teenager. Wasn't into hanging out with people, apart from going to music classes, and happy with my own company. Most of my time in the holidays and weekends would have been at home, reading, music etc (this was before the internet existed!). Like your family, my Mother would be very different person.

And as an adult I continue to like my own space and company, and have lived on my own many years. But have definitely become more social, meeting up with friends etc.

I think it's important that you don't put her under pressure. If she says she is happy, and she appears happy and confident, that's the important thing. She doesn't have to live her life exactly as you might expect. And definitely, ignore comments from your friends which are very unhelpful. Do not let her hear this type of comment, as that will just make her feel bad about herself.

Everyone has their own way. As an adult, I have travelled, for short breaks, on my own many times, which can be very relaxing, but some people can't get their heads around this idea.
I remember an occasion in my twenties when I booked a few days away, in a European city on spec. Was all excited, until I heard my Mother saying sadly "Poor Elaine", which then made me feel really stupid, and took from my enjoyment in planning the trip.

antimatterx

radiotrickster wrote: »

I would have been the same at that age. I was happy to stay in and occupy myself doing things I enjoyed. In my twenties, I became more social but only because I wanted to be.

Talking about it, comparing yourself as a teen to her and asking her questions about not going out could make her feel weird or pressured to hang out with friends when she’s happier doing her own thing.

Maybe you’re an extrovert and she’s an introvert? If she says she’s happy as is, trust her and leave her to it.

This is me.

As a teen I used to love nothing more than being on my own. I hated my parents trying to force me to mix with people (or shouting at me for not going out). I wasn't ever lonely or felt like I was missing out. I was happy.

I'm 24 now a life has been perfect. I've gone through college, started working etc I get on fine with people, I socialise often enough. The important thing is I socialise when I WANT TO. If my friends are going out and I don't want to, I have no issue saying no.

I'm a very introverted person, I love nothing more than my own company and I use to hate when people tried to force my arm.

ILoveYourVibes

OP there isn't much you can do.

You can't make friends for her and then make her go hang out with them.

She might be fine. Or she could be missing out. But well....its up to her really what she does with her life.

She could be an introvert. Or be making a mistake. But well teens make them.

Not too often maybe once a month or so but it didn't seem as bad because she was mixing with people daily.

You don't know she is mixing daily ..she could go to school and speak to no one. Its not the same.

Dont worry about it. Its up to her and what kind of personality she has as to what she does.

The things teens were interested in didn't interest me one bit!

zanador

My son is 15, the only reason I know he's still alive is he occasionally emerges from his room for food... He's a wonderful, happy young man, doing his own thing, and as long as he cleans the bathroom occasionally then its all good.

I did ask him the other day do you miss school and your friends, which set him off on a long explanation that is covered by most of the above posts.