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Life seems to be going down the toilet

  • 12-06-2020 9:11pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I've been having one of the those weeks recently and my god does it feel like my life is going to absolute crap

    In essence a few major things have gone wrong

    - Finally told a girl I liked her, and despite knowing I hadn't a hope in hell with her it was somehow devastating all the same. Her taking 2 days to respond certainly didn't help things, I first asked her to meet up for a socially distance tea or coffee (we're friends from college who have just finished up), but asking someone to meet up Friday morning early on Thursday and not getting a response til Friday afternoon made things fairly obvious but I still just sent her a simple message and got a simple response on Sunday, on its own would be annoying but with everything else it's like another lead weight. The fact I'm 25 and never been with a girl or even close to it doesn't help things either.

    - My housemates have moved out. I was supposed to be moving out with them, but we found a suitable place much earlier than anticipated and as I haven't a job sorted yet I didn't want to sign a new lease or commit to this town yet so said I wouldnt be able to take it. The new place was so cheap they took it themselves (2 bed and theyre a couple btw) and I can join them then when I do sort things. Would feel a bit weird though, right now it's their place and changing that wouldn't feel right even though they say they want me to join them, what couple wouldn't want their privacy

    - The perfect graduate job came up 3 weeks ago, talk about timing. Me and housemate were also in college together so he also applied for it. However I didn't even get an interview, and he got the job. They interviewed multiple people so it wasn't as if they liked him and ran with it, and we're similar levels of candidates on paper it so made no sense. We even compared application forms and cvs and there's no reason he'd get an interview and I wouldn't. Quite annoying situation made worse by the fact the money is very good for a graduate in this area

    - The place I did work placement with last summer have nothing atm, but the call centre will have the minimum wage jobs back up and running by August so yay for that. This was a couple days ago, I then see a job posting today that would be fine not as good as the job my housemate got, only to be told by the boss I worked with last summer that I wouldn't be suited for it. I was never promised anything before, but kept in contact with a few there and was generally told we'll find somewhere to fit you in (not the call centre mind). It is what it is but again things aren't working out for me

    Everything just seems to be going to absolute crap. Nothing is working out for me. I can't sleep properly, and I can't concentrate on anything I normally enjoy. I don't see right now how things will get better in anything close to a reasonable timeframe. There's no avenues I have left to fix the things that are bothering me, just getting over them isn't working yet and it's hard to see how to fix any of it. I can't seem to do anything right, or when I do it doesn't go my way anyway. I have literally nothing going for me.


Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,691 ✭✭✭Xterminator


    hi op

    some specific points below, but first, you sound like a nice intelligent person who has gotten into a bad place mentally. Thats okay too. You are allowed to not be feeling okay, and its good to seek help if you need it.

    Perhaps a chat with a your GP, speak candidly about any feelings, and sleep issues, motivation issues etc. I would say recognize any issues, and try to address them. Dont let yourself stay in this lethargy. Easier said than done but below ive given my thoughts on specific points. Use your support network of friends and family, and dont put n a mask of being 'grand' and tell people your fine, if you are not!
    Finally told a girl I liked her,
    if someone lets you know clearly they re not interested, im not sure what your motivation is to declare your feelings. i'm making the assumption, because you said yourself you didn't stand a chance in hell! Now she has been very cool with you as a result. IMO you declared your feelings out of a masochistic misplaced feeling. . Dont put yourself through that. KIf someone is interested in you they well let you know- by their actions or lack thereof. Start with small steps like asking them for coffee and gauge there response and how you get on together, if there is a connection etc. Dont start with a grand declaration. If your sure they are not interested respect that!

    house mates moved out, and offered you a place if you want it. Thais a positive in most peoples book .IE you have the choice. If you let the idea of it being weird prevent you from a comfortable living situation, despite them clearly inviting you then that is just you self sabotaging. If you have valid concerns why not talk them over with friends?

    Didn't get an interview, friend with similar qualification got both interview and job. Thrn Your CV / application letter style needs to be looked at. In this case id ask the friend who got the job to assist, (as you know he is good) and give you pointers on what you did, and what he did differently, and perhaps he will let you look at his CV too. If not get help with your CV elsewhere. no point in being morose about it, take action!


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,230 ✭✭✭jj880


    First thing that jumps out here: never show anything (cvs, forms, predicted questions + answers etc) to someone you will be competing with for the same job. I get the feeling he might be someone you think you know and trust but its dog eat dog. Good luck!

    Edit: as a previous poster has said no harm in comparing after 1 of you gets the job but in my opinion not beforehand.


  • Registered Users Posts: 41 Farrelk


    OP you seem to have fallen down a bit of a rabbit hole, with one thing after the next going wrong. Your situation is not ideal right now, but you're still young. It's okay not to have security at 25, even if some of your friends do. This isn't a race, so never feel like you're behind.

    My advice would be to take baby steps each day to slowly boost your moral. Get an hours exercise each day, mix it up between walks, runs, some body weight YouTube tutorials, anything! It will help take your mind off things and it will help wear you out to sleep at night. There's nothing worse than tossing and turning, essentially driving yourself mad late at night when you can't sleep. Exercise obviously won't stop it but it should help a bit.

    Keep looking for a job, spend an hour or two a day devoting yourself to sending off CVs, making online applications, etc. Jobs are like buses, you wait all day for one and then two come along at once. Don't spend all day on your laptop either, a couple hours good work should suffice. As a college graduate you already have one foot up the ladder.

    Keep your friends and family close, and let them know how you're doing. Don't overload them with emotions if you don't feel like they can help you though. I'm sure you have at least one person who would like to listen, and if you don't feel free to message me on this yourself.

    Try not to worry about the woman situation. You seem to be overly caught up in that. You have to love yourself before someone else can love you. You're problems won't go away if someone decides to make you their partner.

    I hope I've covered all, as I said feel free to message me here if you want. Stay safe man


  • Registered Users Posts: 152 ✭✭vikings2012


    Comparison is the thief of joy.

    You need to look at the positives

    - Educated young man with a good degree.
    - You have friends - this cannot be understated.
    - You are only starting out on the job hunt.
    - You seem to have confidence in yourself. (Evident by way of asking this girl out and the fact that you believe you are equally qualified for the job)

    Many, many 25 year olds are unemployed, single, no real friends, and no third level education.

    Don’t let these few ‘hiccups’ knock you down. Get out there and do something even if it’s volunteering or assisting with contract tracing etc.

    It’s hard to find a job or GF with Covid 19. But use this time to further yourself. Work on the CV, tinder, exercise etc.. and motivate yourself to be the best that you can be.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,537 ✭✭✭ Chandler Helpful Pantry


    It's awful that you feel like nothing is going your way, but at least you're putting yourself out there both in dating and job hunting.

    Please don't let this series of events stop you from trying. I know it feels like nothing is going right but sometimes that's part of the bigger plan and things have a way of working out better in the long run.

    You have plenty going for you, keep on at it and try to spend some time doing things you enjoy right now, take care of yourself things will change for you.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for all the kind words here. To compound things being as horrible as possible atm, my alcoholic mother is on one of her benders since the weekend so I'm getting all the bad stuff at once it seems

    I tried over the weekend to get myself into a routine of doing xyz, hasn't done a whole lot for me yet anyway

    Xterminator - I get what you mean re telling the girl I liked her, there wasn't a grand declaration or anything like that, and i initially took the slow response as my answer but then I just told her I liked her instead, no big thing. You might be right re the self sabotage on the housemates front, like a lot of people I always had said in my head to never share a place with a couple, I've felt like a third wheel at many times in my life but when it's a living situation you cant get out of it. We were the only ones left in the house during "lockdown" and things went so good we did decide to keep living together.

    jj880 - We only compared stuff after he got the job, he offered because he couldn't understand either how I didn't get an interview while he went the whole way. CV wise we can't see much difference but hr or recruitment might see that differently.

    Another way I'm probably not helping myself is not talking to any of my friends. Mind none of them have tried talking to me either, I get people have their own lives at this stage but I have one friend from childhood who hasn't messaged me first in two years, and after a couple of short responses I stopped trying so havent seen or talked to him since February. I'm daft for keeping track of that but I'd hate to think I'm bothering someone so when I do get the feeling I'm annoying someone I'll just leave them be. The last time a friend messaged me was last Thursday actually, which is low down on the list of things annoying me.

    vikings2012 - Comparison being the thief of joy is very true. Something I've always done. The rest of your post isn't exactly helpful, I get you might intend it as a kick up the hole but I know well others have it worse, yet I can't get out of the bubble in my head.

    Overall I know I shouldn't feel like I do about everything, I'm my own worst enemy and overthink everything


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    The post I've made hasn't been approved my a mod yet, but I wanted to post this extra update. Moving in with the housemates in their new place is no longer an option, I've been told by them today that the place is too small for the 3 of us. I'm not overly annoyed, we took literally the first place we saw and I only pulled out after that so I've only got myself to blame now


  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,606 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Mod Note

    Apologies OP, I'm just seeing your posts now. For some reason they didn't come up in the forum as awaiting approval. Sorry about that


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,457 ✭✭✭✭Kylta


    I've been having one of the those weeks recently and my god does it feel like my life is going to absolute crap

    In essence a few major things have gone wrong

    - Finally told a girl I liked her, and despite knowing I hadn't a hope in hell with her it was somehow devastating all the same. Her taking 2 days to respond certainly didn't help things, I first asked her to meet up for a socially distance tea or coffee (we're friends from college who have just finished up), but asking someone to meet up Friday morning early on Thursday and not getting a response til Friday afternoon made things fairly obvious but I still just sent her a simple message and got a simple response on Sunday, on its own would be annoying but with everything else it's like another lead weight. The fact I'm 25 and never been with a girl or even close to it doesn't help things either.

    - My housemates have moved out. I was supposed to be moving out with them, but we found a suitable place much earlier than anticipated and as I haven't a job sorted yet I didn't want to sign a new lease or commit to this town yet so said I wouldnt be able to take it. The new place was so cheap they took it themselves (2 bed and theyre a couple btw) and I can join them then when I do sort things. Would feel a bit weird though, right now it's their place and changing that wouldn't feel right even though they say they want me to join them, what couple wouldn't want their privacy

    - The perfect graduate job came up 3 weeks ago, talk about timing. Me and housemate were also in college together so he also applied for it. However I didn't even get an interview, and he got the job. They interviewed multiple people so it wasn't as if they liked him and ran with it, and we're similar levels of candidates on paper it so made no sense. We even compared application forms and cvs and there's no reason he'd get an interview and I wouldn't. Quite annoying situation made worse by the fact the money is very good for a graduate in this area

    - The place I did work placement with last summer have nothing atm, but the call centre will have the minimum wage jobs back up and running by August so yay for that. This was a couple days ago, I then see a job posting today that would be fine not as good as the job my housemate got, only to be told by the boss I worked with last summer that I wouldn't be suited for it. I was never promised anything before, but kept in contact with a few there and was generally told we'll find somewhere to fit you in (not the call centre mind). It is what it is but again things aren't working out for me

    Everything just seems to be going to absolute crap. Nothing is working out for me. I can't sleep properly, and I can't concentrate on anything I normally enjoy. I don't see right now how things will get better in anything close to a reasonable timeframe. There's no avenues I have left to fix the things that are bothering me, just getting over them isn't working yet and it's hard to see how to fix any of it. I can't seem to do anything right, or when I do it doesn't go my way anyway. I have literally nothing going for me.

    Although things might seem desperate at the moment when everything is going against you. But its not an uncommon thing it happens to people everyday in life. I seems your having a confidence crisis at the moment. The thing with confidence is that you need to start thinking positive and about how your going to address things going forward. I would take all the disappointment in its stride. Get up get out start again maybe this time next week things will different. You just need to have fate in yourself

    Negativity destroys confidence
    Positivity enhances confidence ( did I just invent a quote)


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