Speration with kids struggles

Darmac84

So separated from wife late last year, Was staying with parents and keeping kids with me few nights week till pandemic came about, Me and my former spouse decided it best I stay back at hers during lockdown as she was still working and I was off, I did not receive much help with kids when she arrive home from work or at weekends, I raised this with her to be told she just keeping out of my way. Anyway so once cases went down she asked I go back, I'm back in parents now this last week also back at work, I don't feel safe bring kids over anytime soon and can't afford rent my own place. THING is I asked if I should still stay few nights in house every week give her break, she didn't want that instead she asked that I come over every evening after work lift kids from her sisters feed them, bath, them, get them ready and up to bed and when there settled I can leave, If baby having one those night teething or whatever I stay over to do night-shift, also stay at weekend if she going somewhere, I'm not happy bout this as I'd like have evening or two to myself and not have to explain to former spouse where I'm going and is that ok, I'm afraid take this up with her as I know she make me feel wrong as always and I'm sure she'll go on that she's hard done by having bring them to her sisters in mornings with there bags "that she also wants me to pack and have ready for her to go every morning" , I think I'm entitled my own spare time too, I don't see how dropping the kids over to her sisters in mornings entitles her to have every evening and/or weekend free to relax, also considering if one kids doesn't settle I have stay up with them, You think she taking piss of me or should I just stand in line again, anytime I take anything up with her over the years just always seem to come out wrong side of it and I'm the bad guy, I just sometimes wish I had kids full time and she takes them whenever suits her atleast then I know more where I stand with no one dictating me, it never happen as house is hers but just think more peace that way, I'm just tired of her running my life, I don't what the answers are, just want our kids growing up with a mam and dad that can get on, be civil and fair with each other even if they don't love each other anymore, I'm sorry this so long, just any advice be much appreciated

Cash_Q

I do think she's taking the piss, if you lived together as a couple would you be expected to do everything like that? Hardly, there needs to be a more fair division of labour.

Empathise with her about the mornings which she is obviously finding to be a burden, but explain that for the kids sakes it would be better if all those duties were shared so that they can enjoy some evening time with her too some nights.

There must be something that she feels is unfair here, and she's loading on the duties to try to restore some sort of balance. Maybe she does all the laundry/cleaning/cooking, I dont know. The only way to sort it out is to ask if you can have a chat some evening about supporting the kids, arrange a time in advance dont just launch into it as itll become a row if she feels caught off guard. Keep it positive and discuss all the tasks involved in their care and acknowledge who is doing what already. Keep it about the kids, not about you having evenings off, but them receiving care from both parents and ask how you can support her and them and explain how you feel about the need for support of your own

Darmac84

I'm afraid thats much how it was when I lived there, I was stressed out with the load that was put on me, 90%household chores were on me, also spent most my time with kids which I love dearly but everyone needs some sort space now and again, financially stressed, I was struggling meets her demands and she wanted more from me, anytime tried talk, couldn see things from my end, in the end she suggested we separate I disagreed at first but couldn give anymore, taught might be easier been away but turns out it's not

Batgurl

If you are going round to the house and then back to your parents, the risk is the exact same as if they are just coming to you.

So work out a schedule with your wife where she takes them 3.5 days, you take them 3.5 days. Or whatever works best for you both. It’s not going to be easy as each person will have to make financial, personal and likely professional sacrifices but you both knew that having kids in the first place. You can’t have it all your own way with what suits you. But likewise neither can she. It doesn’t matter who broke up with whom, what happened in the past etc. you just have to find something that works best for the kids right now.

If you can’t agree between ye on custody arrangements then unfortunately ye will need to go to arbitration or legal route.