Not sure I reacted well to him having a child

LegacyUser

I have recently rejoined tinder through boredom maybe more in hope of meeting someone. I’m 33 and started chatting to a guy who doesn’t live to far away in the last week. We had been getting on well, lots in common and he was easy to chat to. We got onto the subject of our families and he told me he had a little boy. I have never dated or even chatted to someone online who told he that had a child so I guess I was taken aback. I replied to his message acknowledging other things he mentioned and in relation to his little boy I said something along the lines of oh lovely, wasn’t expecting to hear that from you though, what age is he?

I haven’t heard anything back from this guy since and I’m thinking he might have taken my reply as me being judgemental or negative. It genuinely wasn’t as I know nothing about the circumstances or the situation. I was just genuinely taken aback and verbalised that to him, but it wasn’t coming from a place where I was thinking oh crap or anything of the kind.

Should I message him again and explain where I was coming from or should I just leave it? I just wouldn’t like someone to think I was negative towards them having a child and he told me early on and I know some people dont bother until a date is arranged or on the actual date. I work with children every day from all kinds of families and definitely don’t look down or have any issue with single parents. If he’s just not interested for whatever reason thats totally fine and I’ve no problem with that but I wouldn’t like to think that he didn’t message me back as he thought I was judging him and his situation. Any advice would be great.

Widdensushi

Could be any amount of reasons that he stopped chatting, got busy with work, he could have been chatting to another and that relationship moved on to the next stage, he could be back with his ex. Children are a redline issue for many though, he has probably got to the stage where he told others online about the child and they dropped interest, he may have thought here we go again and decided he was not putting any more time into someone who was not interested in the whole package of him and his child. Message him is your best chance of getting the answer.

TheBoyConor

You're putting way too much thought into this.
If it's meant to be he'll text back. If not, then forget about it.


Don't over think it. It's tinder.

Dial Hard

Yeah you're way overthinking this. There was nothing in your reply that warrants a follow-up explanation or apology. If he doesn't reply I doubt it's because you somehow inadvertently offended him about having a son.

iuil1999

anonwong wrote: »

I have recently rejoined tinder through boredom maybe more in hope of meeting someone. I’m 33 and started chatting to a guy who doesn’t live to far away in the last week. We had been getting on well, lots in common and he was easy to chat to. We got onto the subject of our families and he told me he had a little boy. I have never dated or even chatted to someone online who told he that had a child so I guess I was taken aback. I replied to his message acknowledging other things he mentioned and in relation to his little boy I said something along the lines of oh lovely, wasn’t expecting to hear that from you though, what age is he?

I haven’t heard anything back from this guy since and I’m thinking he might have taken my reply as me being judgemental or negative. It genuinely wasn’t as I know nothing about the circumstances or the situation. I was just genuinely taken aback and verbalised that to him, but it wasn’t coming from a place where I was thinking oh crap or anything of the kind.

Should I message him again and explain where I was coming from or should I just leave it? I just wouldn’t like someone to think I was negative towards them having a child and he told me early on and I know some people dont bother until a date is arranged or on the actual date. I work with children every day from all kinds of families and definitely don’t look down or have any issue with single parents. If he’s just not interested for whatever reason thats totally fine and I’ve no problem with that but I wouldn’t like to think that he didn’t message me back as he thought I was judging him and his situation. Any advice would be great.

I would message him again. He was being upfront with you and maybe he feels you weren't interested after you heard he had a child.
It would have been important to me when I was dating that my child was part of the long term package so I would have been upfront about it too.
If you don't have an issue with it and you want to see if there is something between you why not

LegacyUser

So I messaged him hoping he didn’t take what I said the wrong day. Even if he had no intention of ever getting back to me for his own reasons, I’d hate to think that someone saw me as judgemental and snobby towards guys with children.
His reply couldn’t have been nicer and said not to be worrying about what I said and I didn’t put anything the wrong way. So we’ve been chatting away back and forth. I’m just going to go into it open-minded. He could be a lovely guy or he could be an idiot and I’ll only find that out by continuing to be open towards it all.
Thanks for all the replies.

Jurgen Klopp

OP not being funny but I noticed you started this exact same thread today on Mumsnet despite advice here, you really are putting WAY too much thought into a random tinder convo you hardly know him.

If you want to message him and apologize to see if it gets him back talking to you just do it, it seems like you want the replies to tell you to do so

cj maxx

Don't worry OP. From your post you didn't do anything to warrant an apology or expaination

banie01

Jurgen Klopp wrote: »

OP not being funny but I noticed you started this exact same thread today on Mumsnet despite advice here, you really are putting WAY too much thought into a random tinder convo you hardly know him.

If you want to message him and apologize to see if it gets him back talking to you just do it, it seems like you want the replies to tell you to do so

Op posted on Mumsnet?
But never mentioned being a mum?
Scandal!!!

Seriously tho OP. It's tinder.
Message him and if he replies see how it goes.
If he doesn't move on.

iuil1999

banie01 wrote: »

Op posted on Mumsnet?
But never mentioned being a mum?
Scandal!!!

Seriously tho OP. It's tinder.
Message him and if he replies see how it goes.
If he doesn't move on.

A mum or just someone with too much time on their hands *eyeroll*