Is this a form of an abuse?

FrankC21

Hi,

My pregnant wife hyper-ventilated during an argument at work with her senior staff nurse, she got really emotional and had to sit down to calm down. She is not the only staff being shouted by this "senior staff".

I understand that this is a very stressful time due to the pandemic but as a future father, I am afraid for my wife and the unborn child. Is there anything I could do to this "senior staff" rather than talking to her which is useless - because she does this shouting to all her staff member.

Can I report this? Like I want this senior staff to get a warning or something?
Is it considered an abuse to the unborn child?

Snotty

Has your wife specifically asked you to involve yourself in this?

Wesser

No.its not an abuse to the unborn child. The child will not come to any harm if your wife is hyperventilating.

If you or your wife arent happy with her boss a d talking issues out calmly hasnt worked... then you can always go to the boss above her to discuss things further.

TheBoyConor

You should not do anything. Keep your nose out of it. You'll only cause more theatrics if you go sticking your nose into the affairs of a workplace and hospital in which you have no business whatsoever.

FrankC21

Snotty wrote: »

Has your wife specifically asked you to involve yourself in this?

Yes, because we both work in the same workplace but different wards and I know what that senior staff is like.

I care about what will happen to my unborn child why should not I get involved, I do not want to leave it too late that I did not do anything.

TheBoyConor

Not going to affect the child. Hyperventilating, it sounds like your wife is being a bit dramatic tbh. Hyperventilating is theathricals in my opinion.

jrosen

A form of abuse to the unborn child? No.
If your wife is unhappy with how she is being treated then she needs to escalate the issue herself.

cobhguy28

FrankC21 wrote: »

Hi,

My pregnant wife hyper-ventilated during an argument at work with her senior staff nurse, she got really emotional and had to sit down to calm down. She is not the only staff being shouted by this "senior staff".

I understand that this is a very stressful time due to the pandemic but as a future father, I am afraid for my wife and the unborn child. Is there anything I could do to this "senior staff" rather than talking to her which is useless - because she does this shouting to all her staff member.

Can I report this? Like I want this senior staff to get a warning or something?
Is it considered an abuse to the unborn child?

Shouting at staff is bullying and can be threatening behaviour, it should never be tolerated. It should be reported as possible bullying.

TheBoyConor

I would not agree. Plenty jobs involve people shouting at other people. Construction, kitchens, many places, all have a certain degree of shouting or tough task masters.
Hospital is a very hierarchical type of workplace, strong leadership is to be expected.
How much experience has your wife? Is she new at the job? Some people are not cut out for fast paced, aggressively managed work places and are suited perhaps to more pedestrian roles.

Marcusm

FrankC21 wrote: »

Yes, because we both work in the same workplace but different wards and I know what that senior staff is like.

I care about what will happen to my unborn child why should not I get involved, I do not want to leave it too late that I did not do anything.

Your wife and relevant colleagues should raise a grievance through their line management (obviously skipping the senior staff nurse). Personally, I would expect any complaint you made personally to be disregarded as essentially being hearsay.

John Hutton

Is she in a union?

bfa1509

If you have to ask then no.

Rubberchikken

As in a post above, there are various types of shouting.
If your wife is unhappy with the way she is bring treated then she needs to bring it to the attention of someone who will deal with it professionally.

Hyperventilating is not going to harm either the baby or your wife.

Yes it's unprofessional to have someone/anyone shouting to the point where a person is upset but some people in charge are useless and bullying and crap at their job.

Snotty

FrankC21 wrote: »

Yes, because we both work in the same workplace but different wards and I know what that senior staff is like.

So that's a no then.
Speak to your wife first and see if she wants this escalated, and if she does, then it's your line manager and or HR. Document the issues, dates and witnesses.

If your wife does not want to escalated this, then forget it, your child is not harmed by loud words or rapid breathing and a hospital (especially during a pandemic) is going to be a stressful place with shouting and manners will certainly go out the window in stressful times between co-workers, it doesn't mean anyone should take it to heart.

FrankC21

TheBoyConor wrote: »

I would not agree. Plenty jobs involve people shouting at other people. Construction, kitchens, many places, all have a certain degree of shouting or tough task masters.
Hospital is a very hierarchical type of workplace, strong leadership is to be expected.
How much experience has your wife? Is she new at the job? Some people are not cut out for fast paced, aggressively managed work places and are suited perhaps to more pedestrian roles.

She is well experienced and have dealt with this kind of stress situation many times, but it is different because she's pregnant this is our first child, stress and anxiety, raised blood pressure, hormones and such will have a negative impact, worst case scenario is premature birth - work is not even in a hospital setting. This senior staff is just purely toxic and power tripping.

Should I just keep her out of work or something until the baby is born?

Tefral

FrankC21 wrote: »

She is well experienced and have dealt with this kind of stress situation many times, but it is different because she's pregnant this is our first child, stress and anxiety, raised blood pressure, hormones and such will have a negative impact, worst case scenario is premature birth - work is not even in a hospital setting. This senior staff is just purely toxic and power tripping.

Should I just keep her out of work or something until the baby is born?

How far has she left to go? Many many people go off on sick leave on the last month and many many people get their doctor to give them stress leave in situations like this.

snoopboggybog

FrankC21 wrote: »

She is well experienced and have dealt with this kind of stress situation many times, but it is different because she's pregnant this is our first child, stress and anxiety, raised blood pressure, hormones and such will have a negative impact, worst case scenario is premature birth - work is not even in a hospital setting. This senior staff is just purely toxic and power tripping.

Should I just keep her out of work or something until the baby is born?

Can your wife not make that choice herself?

To be honest everyone deals with crap in their workplace, its up to your wife is she wants to stay or go. Maybe she can have a quiet word with the senior nurse as the senior nurse might just be stressed out.

Thoie

FrankC21 wrote: »

Can I report this? Like I want this senior staff to get a warning or something?
Is it considered an abuse to the unborn child?

FrankC21 wrote: »

Should I just keep her out of work or something until the baby is born?

Just to clarify - what abuse are we talking about here? Workplace bullying, or what sounds like a bizarrely over-controlling partner at home?

If your wife feels she is being bullied at work, then she (not you) should keep notes of times, dates, locations, what was happening, and any possible witnesses, and bring this to her employer's attention.

You don't need to fix this. Support your pregnant wife by listening to her rants/worries and sympathising with her. Ask her if there's anything she would like you to do to help, whether that is make her a cup of tea, wash the bathroom floor, or attend a workplace meeting with her as an outside advocate.

snoopboggybog

Thread is weird, talking about his wife like he owns her.

Alrigghtythen

FrankC21 wrote: »

She is well experienced and have dealt with this kind of stress situation many times, but it is different because she's pregnant this is our first child, stress and anxiety, raised blood pressure, hormones and such will have a negative impact, worst case scenario is premature birth - work is not even in a hospital setting. This senior staff is just purely toxic and power tripping.

Should I just keep her out of work or something until the baby is born?

She has dealt with the situation before and is experienced. Let her make her own decisions.

Curious1002

This thread went into a weird direction. The guy sounded like he really cared, wanted to do something and was looking for a genuine advice so if I were him I would simply ask Miss Big Mouth for a little chat and tell her that if I hear my wife crying over her shouting again or if my wife ends up on the hospital bed due to stress or pregnancy complications caused by Big Mouth then I will report her to HR and to the entire Hospital Management I will find on the list. Tell her that you will bring an army of witnesses who have already gone through the same thing with her so it will be a very easy, embarrassing and quick case against her.

Also, better have your phone with you and record the conversation cos she will most likely accuse you for intimidation, bullying and probably punching too. No harm to bring a witness for the chat too.

cobhguy28

Curious1002 wrote: »

This thread went into a weird direction. The guy sounded like he really cared, wanted to do something and was looking for a genuine advice so if I were him I would simply ask Miss Big Mouth for a little chat and tell her that if I hear my wife crying over her shouting again or if my wife ends up on the hospital bed due to stress or pregnancy complications caused by Big Mouth then I will report her to HR and to the entire Hospital Management I will find on the list. Tell her that you will bring an army of witnesses who have already gone through the same thing with her so it will be a very easy, embarrassing and quick case against her.

Also, better have your phone with you and record the conversation cos she will most likely accuse you for intimidation, bullying and probably punching too. No harm to bring a witness for the chat too.

I have anonymously phone my partners work place, pretending I worked there and informed, not her boss, but the regional boss and even the owner of bullying culture because the people there, not just my partner were afraid of repercussions and cuts to their hours.

Curious1002

cobhguy28 wrote: »

I have anonymously phone my partners work place, pretending I worked there and informed, not her boss, but the regional boss and even the owner of bullying culture because the people there, not just my partner were afraid of repercussions and cuts to their hours.

Well, it must have been a huge place if they didnt ask who you are, what dept you are in, etc. The thing is that they rarely act on an anonymous tip and with no names or specific incidents given. They need a bit more precised info (and in writing) to put things in motion or call people for meetings to explain themselves.
But if it worked in your partner's case then good for you two.
Sometimes it's enough to make the perpetrator aware that their actions are noticed and are being monitored so they usually stop or, what worse, become smarter and bully their victims more discreetly. The bully waits until the victim can't stand the behaviour anymore and say something back so then the bully can report on them - I witnessed this first hand in my company.
The victim got into a lot of trouble for telling the bully "you are bullying me". The bully made a complaint and the victim had to apologise in writing and in person. No punishment was given to the bully for a year long nasty campaign against the victim. Paranoia.

I know that it's super rarely that employees get involved in other colleagues' cases when they still work there. People are scared of repercussions especially that the workplace regulations are very weak and employers are afraid of being sued in the future by the bully who can claim constructive dismissal or a stressful environment. If anything, bully will get the "dont do it again" verbal warning and a case will be closed.

cobhguy28

Curious1002 wrote: »

Well, it must have been a huge place if they didnt ask who you are, what dept you are in, etc. The thing is that they rarely act on an anonymous tip and with no names or specific incidents given. They need a bit more precised info (and in writing) to put things in motion or call people for meetings to explain themselves.
But if it worked in your partner's case then good for you two.
Sometimes it's enough to make the perpetrator aware that their actions are noticed and are being monitored so they usually stop or, what worse, become smarter and bully their victims more discreetly. The bully waits until the victim can't stand the behaviour anymore and say something back so then the bully can report on them - I witnessed this first hand in my company.
The victim got into a lot of trouble for telling the bully "you are bullying me". The bully made a complaint and the victim had to apologise in writing and in person. No punishment was given to the bully for a year long nasty campaign against the victim. Paranoia.

I know that it's super rarely that employees get involved in other colleagues' cases when they still work there. People are scared of repercussions especially that the workplace regulations are very weak and employers are afraid of being sued in the future by the bully who can claim constructive dismissal or a stressful environment. If anything, bully will get the "dont do it again" verbal warning and a case will be closed.

I am a worker Representative in my own employment. So I often makes complaints about overall behavior observed of a person instead of individual incidences, so to keep it anonymous.

However with my partner, Its a big superstore, I phoned the regional managers personal mobile, I was given it by another member of staff, I told them straight out, I was not going to give my name as I was afraid of repercussions. I Told them the overall problem of bullying and how one manager was abusing his position by withholding something from a large group of employees.

I was in the store about ten minutes later when all mangers where summonses over the intercom to the main office. The thing that was been withheld was given out but the men where called in first to receive it and finally everyone.

Maybe trying to figure out which man had complained.

Curious1002

That's possible. Again glad that it got sorted okay for you two.

The one thing that gave me a little pause with your post was the part where you phoned a boss on his mobile. To be absolutely fair I can tell you that I am surprised that they even wanted to talk to a stranger who somehow got their ph no. I probably wouldnt. The "procedure" is for someone who has my mobile number to ask me first if they can give my number to a third person and only if I agree they would be allowed to pass on my number to you. If someone gave my mobile to a third party just like that I probably wouldnt be happy.

Anyway, happy days that all managers got called for a meeting as it proved that your complaint was taken seriously. They most likely did speculate who placed the call and if you called them from your own mobile then they may soon figure it out by calling you randomly in a week or so or listening to your greetings "Hey, it's Joe Bloggs, leave a message after the tone". Be careful next time but good job for calling out and stopping the unfair staff treatment!