Struggles

LegacyUser

Hi
I have spent the last year or so kicking myself and being frustrated that I’m not where I want to be, instead of doing something about it I just stayed inside and didn’t live. I became consumed about people I don’t know life’s and let what happened between them affect me, even though I don’t know them personally and only saw what the internet was saying.
I got stuck into lurking on this celeb who ended up cheating on his gf and finding a new gf and it bothered me way more than is normal.

I think this is deflection from my own life and struggles with finding love as i have no experience.

What do you guys think?

Upforthematch

Hi Op

Sounds like you are distracting yourself by focusing on these celebs etc.. but do you know what? Thousands do this.

Why do their lives bother so much you though? Does it bring up memories of your own or of a family member or friend?

Also, where do you want to be? Getting it down on paper it the first step to getting there!

Airyfairy12

Hi OP, I dont feel that these people being celebrities has anything to do with it, I think you could just as easily have gotten obsessed with the life of some aquantaince or stranger on your facebook friends list or the lives of fictional characters on a soap opera. The over investment in other peoples lives sounds like youre just not happy with your own life. Do you feel like your life is boring or unfulfilling? Whats stopping you from putting yourself out there and making things happen for you or why are you not getting hobbies to immerse yourself into instead of the lives of other people?

You said you spent the last year not knowing where you want to be, sounds like youve felt a bit lost, also sounds like youve lost your sense of identity a little bit? I think that tends to happen when life circumstances change or when long term plans dont go the way you'd like or thought they would, such as finding a partner. Not being able to get the motivation to change your situation along with everything else youve said, it sounds like depression to me and when all this is over, maybe you should go to your GP. Depression isnt always jus feeling sad, sometimes you can not realise how sad you are as you distract yourself with other things outside of your own life, such as other peoples lives, you can do this without realising until it becomes a down ward spiral.

In the mean time, do not look up these celebrities or if thats no possible for you, maybe allow yourself to google them or check their twitter/instagram 1 day a week for 20 minutes and then leave it at that. You might find that throughout the week, youre not thinking about them or getting emotional about them as youre not looking them up your mind will be on them less.

LegacyUser

Thank you both so much,you really have hit the nail in the head.

I worked so hard to meet someone and to move into my dream job and neither worked out I really thought I would've been in a different stage in life and i didn't happen and I got sucked into this unhealthy world.

I definitely think going to talk to someone will help and hopefully I will achieve the goals i have set out and to keep moving. Last year I just stayed stuck and watched all my friends move forward and couldn't understand why it didn't happen for me so it was easier to watch someone else life, the sad part is I don't even like this celeb, serial cheater and has issues but it was more the person i don't want to be or to be with.

Thanks you again your works mean a lot i was expecting to just be called a weirdo or something, your advice really helped.

Make It Real

I work a lot with people to help them improve some part of their lives. Trust me, you are not a weirdo and are just like many of them!

News for you is that it rarely works out first time or exactly as you expect. But most people do get to somewhere happier in the end, provided its something that really matters to them.


A few questions to get you started again:


- What is the single thing that would be most valuable to you right now?

"Different stage in life" is too vague. "Meet someone", "dream job" (or something else maybe?), great! Choose one of them to start working on, get that moving well and then worry about the other goals.


- You say neither "worked out", but did any stuff go right?

What went right? Brainstorm until you are truly out of steam on it! So, how can you build on the good stuff? What did you learn from the stuff that went wrong? How will you use that to do better the next time? You didn't fail and there will be a next time, right?! When will it be? Hint, hint.


- Think of all the time, focus and energy you dedicated to the celeb, what could you have done with it instead?

Make a detailed list, be honest and really know what you have missed out on doing. (If you need to cry a bit, that's ok) Now, look forward, is similar time, focus and energy available to you right now? You've got another chance! What are you going to do with it?!


Hope this helps and let me know if I can do anything more for you!