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Good lawd I need a massage so bad right meow

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  • 05-05-2020 3:13pm
    #1
    bo0li5eumx12kp
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,355 ✭✭✭


    Since the covid lockdown, all massage parlors have been offline and generally unavailable.

    Massages are my lifeblood.

    I'm going through massage withdrawal.

    Space shrapnel hitting earth, super volcanoes, super viruses, nuclear holocaust;

    Let me tell you, it's times like this you realize we really are just a pale blue dot that ultimately got evolutionarily lucky.


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    #2
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    I could use a spa weekend break all right


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    #3
    Montage of Feck
    Registered Users Posts: 3,506 ✭✭✭Montage of Feck


    Obligatory happy ending post :pac:

    🙈🙉🙊



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    #4
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    Get yourself a foam roller


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    #5
    Day Lewin
    Registered Users Posts: 4,607 ✭✭✭Day Lewin


    Ah yes, massage withdrawal. I feel you.

    Oops, sorry! Sore point!

    Oops, sorry again!


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    #6
    Day Lewin
    Registered Users Posts: 4,607 ✭✭✭Day Lewin


    Seriously, I too am craving a deep, strong heavy dig into muscles and skin. Long slow strokes. Nerves and bones, everything pulled into place and left tingling. Oh, wonderful!

    And I know one bloke who does all this - when this is all over I will offer him a princely sum.


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    #7
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,608 ✭✭✭Feisar


    Anyone else end up here from the link on the Wikipedia page for 1st World Problems?

    First they came for the socialists...



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    #8
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Sitting in my massage chair right now ...ah ..yeaahh


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    #9
    Feisar
    Registered Users Posts: 6,608 ✭✭✭Feisar


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Sitting in my massage chair right now ...ah ..yeaahh

    The phrase is getting old however, username fits...

    First they came for the socialists...



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    #10
    Flavour Diaper
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 61 ✭✭Flavour Diaper


    Imagine if the erect penis of the homo sapient was naturally two times the size it is currently, I wager that by now a specialist massage discipline would have evolved whereby the masseuse lays his erect or half swollen member across the back of the client, and rolls it back and forth and kneads it into the thoracolumba fascia, spine and shoulders. I am almost 100% certain this would be the case.


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    #11
    Earthhorse
    Registered Users Posts: 14,715 ✭✭✭✭Earthhorse


    Yeah, I could totally go for a...
    Flavour Diaper wrote: »
    Imagine if the erect penis of the homo sapient was naturally two times the size it is currently, I wager that by now a specialist massage discipline would have evolved whereby the masseuse lays his erect or half swollen member across the back of the client, and rolls it back and forth and kneads it into the thoracolumba fascia, spine and shoulders. I am almost 100% certain this would be the case.

    Wha?...wait...nevermind.


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    #12
    bo0li5eumx12kp
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,355 ✭✭✭bo0li5eumx12kp


    I was thinking about investing in a massage gun.

    Aliexpress deliveries at the moment are taking so damn long the massage joints will prob be back open by the time it gets here.

    I JUST WANT SOME HOTTIE TO SLICK OIL OVER MY SKIN AND HEAR HER BREATH HEAVY AS SHE WORKS THE MUSCLES OUT.

    ....

    IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK!!??


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    #13
    bo0li5eumx12kp
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,355 ✭✭✭bo0li5eumx12kp


    Feisar wrote: »
    Anyone else end up here from the link on the Wikipedia page for 1st World Problems?

    In my experience 3rd world countries typically have awesome massage available on almost every street.


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    #14
    blinding
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 7,466 ✭✭✭blinding


    Montage of Feck wrote: »
    Obligatory happy ending post :pac:
    I was coming to that !:D


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    #15
    Day Lewin
    Registered Users Posts: 4,607 ✭✭✭Day Lewin


    Flavour Diaper wrote: »
    Imagine if the erect penis of the homo sapient was naturally two times the size it is currently, I wager that by now a specialist massage discipline would have evolved whereby the masseuse lays his erect or half swollen member across the back of the client, and rolls it back and forth and kneads it into the thoracolumba fascia, spine and shoulders. I am almost 100% certain this would be the case.

    Username score.


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    #16
    fryup
    Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    meanwhile here's The Stranglers


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