Messaing someone I don't know.

LegacyUser

So when I started working at my current job I was a part time temp. There was a guy there that I thought looked interesting/my type but I assumed I was only there for a few weeks so I kept myself to myself. A few months later I was re-employed full time. He had since taken a career break and was living abroad (but close to home). Friends at work began commenting that we’d get on great etc. He came home regularly enough. A friend tried to set us up but I travel a lot and we seemed to keep missing each other. I went to a podcast gig alone. Saw him there but wasn’t sure he’d recognise me so I didn’t say anything. He later told my friend that he had spotted me but didn't want to approach as he'd also gone alone and didn't want me to think he was weird.

He extended his career break and moved to much further away. He was due home this summer. My friend often brings up how well suited we are, how she’s talked to him about it too and at first he laughed it off the same as I did but now he’s actually interested. He was due home this summer but I've recently found out he's extended his career break again and won't be home till next summer.

I feel weirdly crushed. I actually thought I had a chance. I feel stupid for how into this idea I was when I don’t actually know the guy. And part of me wonders if I should just throw caution to the wind and message him. I know he's single. Would that be insane? Would that just make it super awkward down the line when we may potentially have to work together? What would I even say?

This has been going on so long now. Everytime something doesn't work out with a guy I'm seeing my friend laugh and say "obviously, he wasn't X". I joined new sports clubs and started volenteering at a charity over the last year. When I said where I worked people said "oh do you know X?" He's kind of everywhere I go, except he's not.

At first I had zero interest. I've been single for 6 years now, I'm not going to change my ways for some stranger but the more and more I learn about him the more I start to think there might be something to it. Am I crazy?

Xterminator

hi OP

Here is my advice. stop being a passive passenger in your love life.

see all those opportunities he had to approach you? they were also opportunities for you to approach him. From what you know know about how he feels about you, they were lost chances. So get his contact details and contact him. tell him you would love a date, and were wondering what his current plans are & when he will be back etc.

if it all doesn't work out, shug it off. Asked him for a coffee, he said no, no big deal. Really if you look at what you gain , if it works out vs what you lose if he turns you down .... it is a simple equation!

redfox123

Why not add him on social media; Facebook/Instagram? Don’t need to message straight away but could maybe like a post he puts up and then start a convo by commenting or something. That way it is more casual and you can gauge his interest. For me saying you would love a date completely out of the blue when you don’t know him, have never spoken, is too intense. But everyone here will of course say it’s not, but I guarantee you it’s too much out of nowhere. You have to be a bit savvy.

Purple Mountain

redfox123 wrote: »

For me saying you would love a date completely out of the blue when you don’t know him, have never spoken, is too intense. But everyone here will of course say it’s not, but I guarantee you it’s too much out of nowhere. You have to be a bit savvy.

Plus he's not going to be in Ireland for another 12 months and with CoVid, the OP won't be on any overseas trips this year.

Katgurl

Yes just add him on social media and see if he starts chatting to you. If he doesn't don't take it personally - he could be attached by now. If he does then just see if you do actually like him.