Lockdown with the family

LegacyUser

This is a bit of a strange one but id appreciate some feedback on this.

My dad loves to sing and would regularly sing Karaoke in his local pub, he got great enjoyment out of this but after awhile the pub owners stopped the Karaoke nights. I think this may have something to do with him.

He started doing Karaoke in another local pub, whenever he would get a bit of praise or a pat on the back from someone in the pub, it would encourage him, go to his head, and he'd spend the next week practicing songs at home, recording himself on his phone for the next week at the pub.

This progressed and he decided to buy his own Karaoke machine and started singing at home by himself.
At first it was annoying but we just thought it was a phase and let him at it.

After a couple of weeks it became an issue in the household. He was singing constantly, 12 hours a day, karaoke volume up full. It was like living in a pub all day, this could go on till 12.30 at night when the rest of us had work and college the next day.
He would also sing the same songs on repeat over and over and over, he would practice constantly trying to get them just right, he would record himself on his phone and listen back to himself singing. When in his car, he would be listening to these recordings of himself. After a karaoke session, he would continue to listen to these recordings, loudly on his phone. It became an obsession for him.

When asked to stop or even just lower the music down he would become extremely irate, shouting abuse, calling us names like c*nt, sl*g, tell us to F off and get very angry. He refused to stop and day in day out we were forced to listen to him singing Frank Sinatra or Elvis Presley repeatedly for 6 - 12 hours every single day. It was a living nightmare, everyone in the house was fighting as we were all so irritated and fed up, when he wasnt singing we were on edge waiting for it to start. The Karaoke machine was so loud the rest of us would have to shout just to talk to one another.

My mother was at her wits end, after a long day of work she would come home, he could be heard from outside the driveway singing away in the house with his micro phone. He didnt care about the stress it was causing everyone and we tried speaking to him but he didnt care, he'd just carry on and take it out on us when we asked him to stop, it was like we were being the selfish ones by just asking him to lower it down.

This progressed to him spending a few thousand on a sound board, a big amp and speaker that you would see in a nightclub on a big stand, he bought himself an expensive microphone too. All the while handing very little up to the household and not paying his way with bills etc. The music got so load, the base from the speaker made the floors and walls shake but he still didnt care, he just carried on.

Eventually my mother got to the point were she couldnt stick it any longer, my parents wearnt speaking, they were constantly fighting and things got really bad at home. This was the only thing that made him pull back his singing, he reduced it to the weekends and times when my mother wasnt in the house, the rest of us still had to listen to him when we were home but atleast it wasnt all the time.

Now since the lockdown he has gradually started singing everyday again, it starts off with the volume low but with every new song he puts up the volume and it goes on for hours, it's so loud theres no getting away from the sound. We cant even watch tv as the noise of it is so loud. He has moved his equipment to the end of the house now, the room right next to my bedroom. So when he starts singing im the one most effected. When I ask him to just lower the volume down he screams abuse at me, tells me im a narky c*nt, im a stupid lazy b!tch and tells me to f off, he then continues singing as load as he wants.
Today he started again and I said it to my mother that I just couldnt deal with this anymore, she went up and said it to him and he lost the rag, started shouting and now has stormed off out of the house.

I just dont know what to do anymore. This whole situation has changed my view and opinion of my father, I love him but ive lost allot of respect for him. His behavior is embarrassing, if anyone knew what he was like behind closed doors they would be shocked as he comes across very quiet and easy going.

Can anyone give suggestions on what to do at this stage? Im at my wits end as are the rest of the family who are forced to live with this.

Thanks.

mdudy

sell or destroy the equipment

endainoz

Is your father Hal from Malcolm in the Middle by any chance?

the14thwarrior

if he is singing 12 hours a day, full volume up, no thoughts for anyone else, calls you bad names and curses at you....... sounds awful. or a mental illness.

all i can offer is if this is all true, and these are his actions work as hard as you can to leave and rent as soon as you can.

if he has not stopped his behaviour and is obviously esculating you have no hope

or club together and buy a garden shed, stick him out there

Big Bag of Chips

mdudy, Please read The Forum Charter before posting in Personal Issues again. Personal Issues is an advice forum and posters are expected to offer constructive advice.

The equipment does not belong to the OP, and she has no right to sell or destroy it - making an already volatile situation worse.

yer man!

I know I had an issue with a housemate singing in the house at all hours and it was unbelievably loud so we made up a letter to make it look like it was from neighbours that threatened to escalate the issue to the landlord. Got them to stop nice and quick. Of course your father does not sound like he would respond to any form of authority reasonably well.

gmisk

The outside shed wouldn't be a bad idea.
I would normally say his house his rules but your mum is there as well.
You think he would show some kind of consideration if you are all in lockdown.
Your poor neighbours as well.

dobman88

The joys of living at home. You can always move out and get your own place if its bothering you that much. Otherwise just need to suck it up.

afkasurfjunkie

Could ye soundproof a room or shed for him? That, or get Simon Cowell to come round and tell him how awful he is.

antix80

Move out.

Problem solved.

Big Bag of Chips

A number of posts have had to be deleted for falling below the standard expected in Personal Issues.
Anyone unfamiliar with the rules of this forum are asked to reread the Charter before posting again.

Personal Issues is a heavily moderated forum and breaches of the chart regularly result in warnings or bans.

Thanks,
BBoC

Pistachio19

I think you should all sit down with him and explain how it is driving you all demented. Explain to him that once lockdown restrictions are lifted you will all be forced to consider your future in the home - including your mother if she will agree to go along with it. Maybe the threat of losing you all over his obsession/addiction will make him cop on. There is no excuse for his verbal abuse - that is just vile! As soon as you are able to view alternative accommodation I'd be out the door just for the way he speaks to you, let alone the singing.

Caranica

Introduce him to Smule? Let him sing into his phone with strangers. Lower volume and more variety but he still gets to sing?

Foweva Awone

My own family are having similar lockdown issues with my dad - but to a far lesser degree. He recently joined a men's choir and they are still doing practice sessions through Zoom, but the rest of the time he is practicing himself from morning to night, and driving my mum and my two youngest sisters mad with it! They've tried only having him sing upstairs while they're downstairs and vice versa, but he's very loud.

As far as I'm concerned my mum is the only one who even has the right to give out to him here - after all, it was the two of them who spent their entire working lives paying off the mortgage. My youngest sisters are living there for free, so they shouldn't (and don't) complain - they are grateful for the roof over their heads.

My dad drives us all mad in various ways but we all adore him. He is terminally ill and won't be here forever, and I'm pretty sure we will all miss his loud off-key singing when he is gone.

zoobizoo

Your dad called you a c*nt and a slag and a stupid lazy b*tch and told you to F Off.

That is unacceptable and it's a horrible thing to do. I find it hard to understand how a dad could do that to his own daughter and for him not to think that it could seriously damage your relationship is nuts - equally subjecting his family to 12 plus hours of loud singing every day.

He is being very unreasonable and very selfish putting his obsession ahead of family harmony.


Has he ever had mental heath issues?


IT's very easy for people to say "move out" but we don't know family circumstances, what age you are etc. ... also, the mother would still have to deal with it.

Pistachio19

Foweva Awone wrote: »

My own family are having similar lockdown issues with my dad - but to a far lesser degree. He recently joined a men's choir and they are still doing practice sessions through Zoom, but the rest of the time he is practicing himself from morning to night, and driving my mum and my two youngest sisters mad with it! They've tried only having him sing upstairs while they're downstairs and vice versa, but he's very loud.

As far as I'm concerned my mum is the only one who even has the right to give out to him here - after all, it was the two of them who spent their entire working lives paying off the mortgage. My youngest sisters are living there for free, so they shouldn't (and don't) complain - they are grateful for the roof over their heads.

My dad drives us all mad in various ways but we all adore him. He is terminally ill and won't be here forever, and I'm pretty sure we will all miss his loud off-key singing when he is gone.

Does your dad call your sisters vile names? If he was verbally abusive to them would you still feel that they should put up with it because they have a roof over their heads, as is the case with op?

Pablo_Flox

Someday he will be gone and you will have no music in your house. When that happens Im sure you will miss the singing and his quirky ways! For now enjoy it, join him, humour him and savour him.

And if you can't do that get out of his house and leave him be. If you want the right to tell people what to do pay for your own house.

Xterminator

Its really straight forward IMO. His behaviour is unacceptable and you should move out as soon as possible.

I feel quite sorry for your mother as thats not as simple for her, but for your own sake, in a couple of weeks when the restrictions are lifted you should get a place of your own.

You dont deserve to be called those names, and it is abnormal behaviour.

SozBbz

OP, firstly you have my sympathies. Its a horrible environment to be living in especially at the moment.

You should move out if you can for your own sanity, however, I'd still be worried for your mother.

I'm no expert but some of what you've described sounds like it goes above and beyond the relms of simple selfishness - has your Dad ever had mental health issues or issues around compulsion or impluse control. Was his life before singing empty or lonely?

I'd be worried about the abusive language and lashing out when people make a reasonable request. I'd also be worried about him spending a fortune on expensive and inappropriate equipment to the detriment of household bills. This is like an addicts behaviour.

Also, are the neighbours not going mad? I'd be surprised if no one has reported him for antisocial behaviour.

Finally, you should advice your mother to call the family GP to seek advice.

His behaviour is compulsive and irrational - people have committed murder/and gone to jail for less.

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/woman-jailed-ed-sheeran-shape-of-you-repeat-high-volume-lyrics-tour-dates-a7653396.html