If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on [email protected] for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact [email protected]

Life feels empty without a man

  • 14-04-2020 9:28pm
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭

    As pathetic as this sounds, my life feels completely empty without a man.

    In general I would say I am lacking a sense of security and peace in myself and I seem to seek this out in relationships. I am never without a man in my life and for years I thought this was normal.

    Now I find myself single again and my utter fear and desperation of being alone has kicked in. It has not even been a week since my relationship ended and I have already moved onto someone else, via Tinder. I haven't even grieved the loss of my ex. I am finally aware that this is completely unhealthy, but it's almost like a drug to me. Being alone makes me feel like life won't be worth living.

    I've tried therapy but it didn't seem to work. I still found myself chasing men. I think deep down I just want to be loved because I can't seem to love myself.

    How can I soothe myself and allow myself to embrace being alone? Any thoughts would be appreciated.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,358 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12

    Maybe if you try being alone for awhile you will realise that its not so bad, you might even enjoy it.
    Try to focus on healing, find some hobbies and discover what you like and dislike.
    The most important relationship you'll ever have is the one with yourself so maybe you could try and put all your efforts into that.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,673 ✭✭✭Xterminator

    Hi OP

    1st piece of advice i have for you is to not be afraid to pursue happiness. If that happiness is in a relationship that you can pour your energy into then so be it. There is no 'too soon'. It is all relative. If the person you found is a nice person and makes you feel good then thats a positive. Be cautious at the speed you go, make sure they are genuine and that they are the person they present as & go in with your eyes open,

    But .. i also think you probably need to explore why you dont love yourself. It could be the inabilty to be happy in your own skin is the underlying issue and the need to be in a relationship a symptom.

    You need to be kind to yourself too.
    If there are aspects of your personality you dont like, then address that. Finding a hobby you can enjoy is probably great advice as airyfairy suggested. if you feel education is something you could improve perhaps a course that would interest you would be time well spent.

  • Registered Users Posts: 331 ✭✭john9876

    What sort of therapy did you do and for how long?
    It can take many years to unravel childhood traumas.
    What was your family life like, how was your relationship with your parents and siblings?
    Do your siblings have similar patterns?
    Do you suffer from anxiety or depression?

    Do you need someone else to validate you?

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,722 ✭✭✭✭Thelonious Monk

    I suppose you would need to make the decision to work on your own stuff and try and forget about men for a while. You're trying to find validation from another person, I'm not sure you can build a healthy relationship if that comes into it.
    I used to always look for someone or something else as the key to being happy, even if it was subconscious.
    I found mindfulness really helped me, and there are lots of self help books on this kind of thing.
    I would delete the dating apps for at least a few months if I were you, and focus on yourself.