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Heartbroken over break up

  • 13-04-2020 9:50pm
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend. We'd been together almost a year. He had a problem with lying and I realised there was no trust left, so I had to let go. I even offered to help him tackle his issue with lying, in any way he needed, as long as he promised to be honest. He promised he would, but he continued to lie compulsively.

    I miss him terribly. I love him so much, and my heart feels so heavy.

    I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, I just miss him and the future I thought we'd have together. I wish I could just get over him and not have to go through this pain.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,627 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin

    Im sorry you are feeling this way :( Breakups are hard at the beat of the times, and with all that is going on at the moment it's even harder.

    From what you've described I think you know you did the right thing here though?

    Someone who tells lies is bad news and there is a life of agony ahead of you if you hamg around for it.

    Stay strong and know that is nothing is forever. This will get better and you will get through it.

  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser

    I'm sorry that you are feeling such loss and heartache. Unfortunately, our emotions hijack our rational and logical selves. This means that we often don't look at the evidence clearly. This is someone who thought little of you to be honest with you. If we continue that story, you hanging on thinking that will change, how big will the lies get? To vows of marriage? To your kids? What example to the kids would he set treating you that was and what example you taking it?

    You said you miss him and the life you "could" have together, so what you are missing is the illusion of a perfect relationship where everything works out... there's no evidence for that happening. However, there is evidence for strong feelings - write a list of what worked well in the relationship and what didn't. Watch out for the warning signs in future relationships but make sure you don't tar everyone with the same brush!

    You can attract the right person in to your life if you know what you are looking for and knowing your value (what you have to offer them). Don't compromise your values and self-image over someone who doesn't respect you. You're better than that. :)