Can't take it anymore. Options for leaving during Covid-19?

LegacyUser

It's 4am and I'm lying listening to Antony and the Johnsons version of Knockin' on Heaven's Door on repeat. I can't take this anymore and it's getting too dark to see. I need to leave my wife, as every day I'm dying some more and sinking into a deeper darkness. There have been some moments of love in the past five years, but only immediately after I've broken down and said I couldn't take her treatment any more. And then it always goes back to this new loveless, touchless, soul-destroying "normal" where I only exist to raise our children with her.

I cannot break that/this cycle.

This abject emptiness cannot be cured in the context of this relationship's dynamics. I'm nearly 47, and I can't take any more years of this withering loneliness punctuated by the false dawns of hope that she'll treat me with dignity. I still love her and would live out my days next to her if she could show me love. She can't, except when she fears she'll lose this marriage. I can't break this cycle, but I've seen my future once again tonight if I keep accepting this treatment and it freezes me to my core. To my core.

I will not be in this house tomorrow night, and judging by how fatalistic I've now become I probably would be safer to have somebody keeping an eye on me. I cannot go to family because of Covid-19 (I'm very private anyway so would instinctively prefer not to), and bizzarely there is no such thing as a men's shelter in Dublin. I've a car so staying in it is my only logical course but as I've never done so before I'm not sure how safe it would be or where's the safest place to park. I don't know what the rest of the week holds but I need to leave now. I'll be leaving my beautiful children here, and this apparently will go against me in court if I get that far, as probably will the fact that I'm having this breakdown now. But I can't take this anymore and I need to go somewhere, anywhere, to purge all this humiliation and loneliness.

Kidchameleon

Very difficult to read OP. Have you tried mens aid? https://www.mensaid.ie/

Steven81

Do call a helpline.

The Bishop Basher

Sorry to read this OP

Given the situation your options are limited.

Would it be possible to agree separate rooms and take a room where you can have personal space away from your wife until this is over ?

Not a great solution I know but might be better then the alternative.

Tokyo

Hi OP,

I can appreciate that you are in a very difficult and vulnerable position right now, and while the ongoing Coronavirus epidemic creates its own set of challenges when it comes to reaching out, please know that you do not have to deal with this on your own.

As one poster has already mentioned, it may be worth contacting Men's Aid Ireland for advice. In addition to this, there are also other organisations better positioned to provide specialised support. These organisations are listed below. We hope that you will follow these up so that you can get the help and support you need.

If you need immediate help:
Aware’s Support Line is open 7 days per week, 10am-10pm on 1800 804 848

The Samaritan’s phone line is open 24/7 on 116 123

Pieta offer one-to-one, face-to-face support. Click 'Contact us' to find the phone number and opening hours of your nearest branch on their site or email mary@pieta.ie for advice on getting an appointment. I'm not sure how the current pandemic affects this arrangement, but I would still suggest contacting them.

If you need non-urgent help:
Aware have a support email service at supportmail@aware.ie

There are some other useful services that you can use also listed here.

With that, I am going to close the thread OP, as I think that these organisations are far better positioned to help you and give you the guidance and advice that you need.

Regards,

~Mike