Feeling So Tired and Lost

hawley

Being stuck inside this apartment by myself for the past couple of weeks is after making me see my life as it really is. I'm lost and alone, no motivation anymore. I don't miss going to work, in fact I'm glad not to have to interact with certain people there. I thought I'd be married for life, but got separated four years ago after fifteen years. I didn't see it coming. I'm too old to start again but I still see my kids at weekends. Had two relationships since but not sure if I'd ever make that commitment again. All of my passion for life seems gone. When I was younger I hung around in gangs and got involved in fights and have a few convictions for assault including one of a serious nature. I assaulted a woman which is something I'm most ashamed of. I wish I had more of an idea of what I wanted to do with my life. All of those things held me back. I just sit inside every evening now and am either online playing games or just looking at stuff on TV or computer. I feel like an absolute failure and don't know where to starting in order to get my life back. I don't allow my kids into my flat cos it's such a mess. I want them to feel proud of me but I'm worried they won't even want to have anything to do with me in a couple of years.

Dogpaws

Can you speak with your gp? Maybe look at getting some counseling

Rubberchikken

Maybe the time you've been spending alone because of this virus is a good thing.

It might help you to realise you've made mistakes but then, who hasn't.
You're hopefully trying to be a good person, doing a job, looking after your kids when you can etc.

Good luck

hawley

Rubberchikken wrote: »

Maybe the time you've been spending alone because of this virus is a good thing.

It might help you to realise you've made mistakes but then, who hasn't.
You're hopefully trying to be a good person, doing a job, looking after your kids when you can etc.

Good luck

Everytime I see my children I continuously bad-mouth my wife and her partner. I tell myself not to do it but I can't help myself and I'm trying to turn them against both of them, but especially him. I want them to hate him. I make up things about him and try to portray him as nasty. I know that I need to get some help, but I can't afford it at the moment. A lot of this is coming from my childhood, my parents just couldn't cope. My dad was unemployed, they spent all their money on drink and cigs. We didn't have enough food in the house most of the time and had to survive on sliced bread until the dole money came around again.

Hannibal_Smith

Kids aren't stupid. You're never going to win trying to manipulate them into disliking their mother. You're going to end up even more isolated.

If your place is a mess, you have time now to rectify it. If you're fed up playing computer games and being online, switch off the computer, make a list of things that need attention around the place and attend to them. Tick them off one by one.

HildaOgdenx

Is there anyone at all you can talk to, via Skype/ Zoom?

Have a look at counselling services, most have adapted to working online, given the current situation. You might be able to find a low cost one, with a bit of research.

Draw up a list of what you can get done to tidy and clean up the flat, and as pp said, tick things off one by one.

Mind yourself.

Kylta

You really need to ask yourself do you want to change. If so get some counselling and seriously get off your arse and set about righting the wrongs you done, I mean ( I know it might be hard) but if your ex is looking after your kids you should be really praising her. Your kids will see through you if you try to upset their apple cart. Am curious did you spare a thought for them and what they went through in regards to your break-up? In regards to the past in life we all fuyk up ( no use crying over spilt milk, can't change the past) the thing is not to live in the past, live in the future. If you have insulted your ex, her fella, your kids. Start with them, apologise explain how things are with you and how your hoping to change. Then go do it. In regards to your problem its up to you to choose what your future hold for you. Oh by the way its never to late to date! Hey clean that gaff up, if you bring back a date and the gaffs in bits you'll be writing another post.

Airyfairy12

Bad mouthing their mother and trying to turn them against her is in the realms of abuse in my opinion. You're trying to manipulate your children and disrupt their relationship with their mother to appease your own jealousy issues. Your children are autonomous people, separate from you, not some extension of yourself. They have a right to form close bonds and relationships with other people, whether you like those people or not. Youre unloading your personal issues onto them which children shouldn't have to deal with. It shows a total lack of respect for them and their feelings.
You really should not be seeing your children unsupervised until you get help imo.

I appreciate that you were brought up in a difficult home, that is tough to deal with but lots of people suffer adversity in their lives and dont go on to abuse other people. Using your past as a way to gain sympathy for the things youve done is just another manipulation tactic.

Everyone makes mistakes but whats most important is taking responsibility for those mistakes and trying to do the right thing. If you cant do the right thing, dont put yourself in a situation where you know you might cause harm. In this case, that might involve not seeing your children until you sort yourself out so that youre not subjecting them to your behavior.