Generous/selfish mindsets you have?

mr_fegelien

Name one generous thing you think of that translates into an action and selfish mindset.

For the generous it's that I never fart in public cause I don't want to stink up the place for others. Always remember holding in farts even in school until I went to the bathroom.

For the selfish it's that I find it hard to empathise with others grief. I'm autistic and haven't experienced grief as intensely as others when relatives have died, sometimes not crying at all/feeling nothing. I also don't get people who say they wouldn't kill themselves because of how it'd affect others. For me, live is only worth living for me, no one else (even though I love family)

Leg End Reject

Your generosity is limited to holding in farts?

mr_fegelien

Leg End Reject wrote: »

Your generosity is limited to holding in farts?

My mother said it was generous.

Kylta

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Name one generous thing you think of that translates into an action and selfish mindset.

For the generous it's that I never fart in public cause I don't want to stink up the place for others. Always remember holding in farts even in school until I went to the bathroom.

For the selfish it's that I find it hard to empathise with others grief. I'm autistic and haven't experienced grief as intensely as others when relatives have died, sometimes not crying at all/feeling nothing. I also don't get people who say they wouldn't kill themselves because of how it'd affect others. For me, live is only worth living for me, no one else (even though I love family)

When you were holding in your farts did your face go blue

JohnCleary

mr_fegelien wrote: »

Name one generous thing you think of that translates into an action and selfish mindset.

For the generous it's that I never fart in public cause I don't want to stink up the place for others. Always remember holding in farts even in school until I went to the bathroom.

For the selfish it's that I find it hard to empathise with others grief. I'm autistic and haven't experienced grief as intensely as others when relatives have died, sometimes not crying at all/feeling nothing. I also don't get people who say they wouldn't kill themselves because of how it'd affect others. For me, live is only worth living for me, no one else (even though I love family)

Holding in your farts are to blame for your sh1tty ideas, like this thread.

Badly Drunk Boy

About 15 years ago, my brother was in a car crash that left him in debt. I gave him a loan of €5000 so he didn't have to pay interest on the debt. I can't remember if he paid me back but I'm sure he did. He's the type who would, and I had a mortgage at the time.

The one thing I do remember about the loan was that my mother visited the day I got the cheque for €5000, before I gave it to my brother. (It was a big thing for me). For some reason, my mother assumed I was being blackmailed, even though I've never been in trouble in my life, living the most bland life.

I'm sure I've been selfish loads of times. I wouldn't even notice.

Badly Drunk Boy

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

About 15 years ago, my brother was in a car crash that left him in debt. I gave him a loan of €5000 so he didn't have to pay interest on the debt. I can't remember if he paid me back but I'm sure he did. He's the type who would, and I had a mortgage at the time.

How can you not remember? I would remember and resent him to the grave. Ok there's a selfish thing

Badly Drunk Boy

Deleted User wrote: »

How can you not remember? I would remember and resent him to the grave. Ok there's a selfish thing

I can't remember him paying me back, so I assume he did. I probably would have been full of resent if he hadn't.

Gamer Bhoy 89

mr_fegelien wrote: »

For the selfish it's that I find it hard to empathise with others grief. I'm autistic and haven't experienced grief as intensely as others when relatives have died, sometimes not crying at all/feeling nothing. I also don't get people who say they wouldn't kill themselves because of how it'd affect others. For me, live is only worth living for me, no one else (even though I love family)

Forgive me for being ignorant but I also have a brother-in-law with autism but he's like way off on the spectrum, has a speech impediment and can't fend for himself, and has learning difficulties HOWEVER, he also appears to lack emotion for others when people are upset etc. As long as his schedule is to his liking that's all that matters.

My point is: is the mindset of not grieving as much, and living for yourself, just part of being autistic in general? Nobody could really decry you for that, like (if they knew, of course)

---

In the spirit of keeping with the topic, though.

My Generous Trait:- Off the top of my head, when I was living with my mum, I always gave her 50 euro a week to feed me and help pay the electricity. But there were times where I would go off during school holidays (I worked as a school janitor for 3 and a half years) and stay at my girlfriend's mother's house for the duration of the holidays. And during the summer holidays I'd spend almost the whole summer there. She needs help with her son (my brother-in-law now) a lot and she needs someone to help with the heavy lifting (coal, etc.) she's 61 and has COPD and osteoporosis. My mum always told me as long as I paid my way, I was entitled to live at home until I got the money to move out. But even while I was staying at my girlfriend's house, I would still send my mum €55 euro every week, even if I wasn't even there. Our agreement was if I wasn't there, I don't pay, but if I wanted to live there, I had to pay. I paid regardless of where I was.

She told me I no longer had to pay any money to her now that I'm in my own house, so it's weird not going into my bank on a Friday and not sending her anything. But that was something I was also proud of doing for 12 years. I'm engaged now and have my own things to pay for that are much bigger than €55 p/w so I wouldn't afford to pay my mum, that's the idea there.

Selfish Mindset:- It's kind of ironic, actually. I hate parting with money. I don't give to charities because I don't trust half of them and I don't tip people, unless I genuinely can't be bothered taking loose change. I ignore people walking around the street with a charity box. I reluctantly give people a loan if they need it. If someone asks me for a loan of a tenner, I always say "I'm skint, sorry" even if I'm carrying 90 euro in my wallet.

I'm the misery-guts that people will talk about and say "he's so stingy". I don't buy people pints when I'm in a pub, I don't buy rounds - I always prefer to get my own, just so I don't have to spend more money.

I'm the stereotypical stingy Glasweigan.

(my counterpoint to that "trait" though, is I do have a heart of gold and if someone genuinely needs help and is really needing a dig out, I will help.............but I want the money back the moment I think enough time has passed.)

mr_fegelien

Gamer Bhoy 89 wrote: »

Forgive me for being ignorant but I also have a brother-in-law with autism but he's like way off on the spectrum, has a speech impediment and can't fend for himself, and has learning difficulties HOWEVER, he also appears to lack emotion for others when people are upset etc. As long as his schedule is to his liking that's all that matters.

My point is: is the mindset of not grieving as much, and living for yourself, just part of being autistic in general? Nobody could really decry you for that, like (if they knew, of course)

---

My psychiatrist says so. I guess to be honest, there is really no "normal" when it comes to autism and even experts will say people grieve differently so perhaps it's nothing to do with autism but just personality. I've never really been close with anyone so that could be an explanation. I know if I got a close girlfriend and she moved away or died, I'd definitely feel bad for a while, but would I grieve...maybe not.

Bobblehats

You’re sounding like yoda

Liamo57

Everyones differant. Im 62 now and I have been lucky to have had a woderful life so far. The one thing I don't do now is judge anyone. Never. I dont know their trials and tribulations and social media is full of nasty judgrment and unkindness. Thank God it only plays a small part in my life

mr_fegelien

Liamo57 wrote: »

Everyones differant. Im 62 now and I have been lucky to have had a woderful life so far. The one thing I don't do now is judge anyone. Never. I dont know their trials and tribulations and social media is full of nasty judgrment and unkindness. Thank God it only plays a small part in my life

I don't think social media is the issue. It just amplifies what's already there. People don't become evil or unkind online. It exists in them but is inhibited in their day to day life.

There's a good quote by martin Luther king that illustrates this.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Humans (bar psychiatric problems) are nice when we have food, water, shelter, nice relationships, jobs etc... When those are severely lacking and see no improvement in the future, our colors can change quickly. It was just 60 years ago that European allies were murdering each other and farther back exacting unbelievable cruelty on prisoners. Now European countries condemn the Middle East for treatment of prisoners. Funny isn't it.

uch

Generous - Zero

Selfish - I share my Cake with no being