21 year old out visiting friends during CoVid

ger vallely

This is so tough. Uni finished early due to this situation. Then her part time job just closed down yesterday. Her first response is to get out to her pals flat. Meeting them and one who was just back on a cross country bus from another town. Now, I get that it's not out to a pub or club etc. I get that her argument was we went out at 9.30am on a Sunday morning to Tesco for some fresh bits. But I pleaded with her not to go. She went. I had pneumonia at Halloween and this led to a heart infection. I even stooped to explaing this and how worried I am. But, maybe I'm over reacting? Is going visiting a couple of friends recommended? I don't think so. I guess I'm wondering what other families with young adults are doing? If your adult child goes out, when they return, do they self isolate for 2 weeks? It seems so extreme and Ott but the alternative is not worth thinking about. She's not home yet, so figuring out my approach. I feel I will ask her to isolate. Asking her to stay put in her friend's place is not an option. If she took unwell I would be beside myself. But, if I ask her to self isolate here, she may well pack a bag and head off anyway. She's not out in large groups, they obviously can't go to the pub etc. It's not an argument I expected. She's a very clever young woman and I just assumed she would understand.

lollsangel

I think if her friends arent ill and she isnt ill, just ask her to be conscient of not being within 2 metres of the rest of you for a few days.

banie01

Has Uni actually finished?
Is she 3rd or 4th year, I ask because in my own experience all the Uni's have shifted to online lectures and labs, with work for week 8 still expected.

Have all her classes and deadlines been cancelled?

ger vallely

She is/was in 4th year. She has assignments to work on and hand in.

Lizardlegz

She is not the one at risk here! You are! Tell her to cop on and have a bit of respect! My mother got pneumonia 4 years ago and would be a little predisposed since then to getting chest infections each winter. She’s a strong, independent 71 year old (who acts and looks like she’s 61). I’m not going anywhere near her and I’m not bring my children anywhere near her. I’d die if she caught anything. Might sound OTT but I couldn’t give a toss.

Your daughter needs to COP on. Let her stay with her mates for the next few weeks if she wants but I wouldn’t have her coming home to you each day. I know it’s hard. Believe me I know it’s hard. It’s not exactly nice staying here all day everyday with 3 kids under 7... but needs must... it’s what we’ve been advised. And it’s for the good of everyone who aren’t as strong as ourselves to fight off the virus.

You’re daughter needs to GROW UP.

riffmongous

How many friends were there? If she was at work until yesterday is she anymore or less likely to be infected from that than going to meet a few people? Not to excuse her per se but keep in mind for your own health.

Jurgen Klopp

I would have said you are getting a bit excited but teh fact you had pneumonia and a heart condition after I think you have to very very careful

For what's its worth at 21 you think your immune and not just that but just assume all your own will be fine and her mam/dad will never get it, it's "for other people to get"

Tell her you'll be going with her, so you are exposed to the same

shesty

Well, personally I am sitting at home trying to keep 3 small kids amused and occupied, explain to them why they they can't see their pals, and trying to keep some bit of school work going for the eldest, all while juggling with working online.So frankly, if someone who has no responsibilities, no job and no education to worry about can't stay home and put the same effort in (although with considerably less actual effort), then I would be extremely annoyed too.It is because of the likes of her and her pals that this will end up going on for weeks longer and with all due respect, how on earth am I supposed to juggle all this for weeks, to accommodate the lads who just had to go for a drink at the weekend, and the teenagers who don't care because it doesn't affect them (among others)??

Sorry, it is the end of a long day here, but I don't think you are over-reacting, no.

Loveinapril

tdf7187 wrote: »

Its your responsibility to take care of your health. She probably wants to get away from the moany aul one at home. You should be glad she is developing independence.

Have you seen the news at all? This isn't a stroppy kid here, this is a grown woman putting the health of others at risk.

OP, I would personally tell her that you will need to maintain the 2 metre distance while at home with her. Get her involved in all the disinfecting of surfaces in the house. It is really so surprising how people her age don't get how serious this could be for some people.

Jurgen Klopp

shesty wrote: »

Well, personally I am sitting at home trying to keep 3 small kids amused and occupied, explain to them why they they can't see their pals, and trying to keep some bit of school work going for the eldest, all while juggling with working online.So frankly, if someone who has no responsibilities, no job and no education to worry about can't stay home and put the same effort in (although with considerably less actual effort), then I would be extremely annoyed too.It is because of the likes of her and her pals that this will end up going on for weeks longer and with all due respect, how on earth am I supposed to juggle all this for weeks, to accommodate the lads who just had to go for a drink at the weekend, and the teenagers who don't care because it doesn't affect them (among others)??

Sorry, it is the end of a long day here, but I don't think you are over-reacting, no.

You better hunker down cause the isolation/lockdown approach will mean far longer than 2 weeks, most likely 2 months minimum. Not directed at you, but as I've said elsewhere on teh site teh amount of people I'm meeting that think it's just 2 weeks lads keep the heads low until we get on top of it is unreal.

You can't stop a virus for 2 weeks, yes it will slow it's spread to avoid overwhelming healthcare services, but once it's lifted you'll look at another blitz of it followed by another potential lockdown. It will take a long long time to get it through an entire country

shesty

Sure I know that, but right now, mentally, I am aiming for 2 weeks.I reckon it will be 5, til at least after Easter.Minimum.

AulWan

ger vallely wrote: »

But I pleaded with her not to go. She went. I had pneumonia at Halloween and this led to a heart infection. I even stooped to explaing this and how worried I am.

I'm sorry to say this, but your daughter is very selfish.

If, she still left after you explained how worried you are, and how vulnerable you are, then I'd have told her to pack a couple of changes of clothes to bring with her, and not come back until its over.

ger vallely

Thanks so much for all the replies. Made me realise I'm not over reacting. Well, we had a chat, a less emotional one! I explained that seeing her friends is still possible, taking the dog out for walks etc, still hanging out albeit in a different way, for now. I did explain that if she does want, she is adult enough to make her own choices, she could stay with her friends for now. She's staying here. It is tough for all of us, some more than others and to be honest I think our little family are in a great position. We have a home, food, wifi, books, everything to pass time very comfortably. So, for now, I think she gets it. She knows she has choices. But I hope she understands her responsibilities. Thanks for yer input and thoughts, they really helped. She is actually a great girl, so I was so surprised by this, but her heart is good and she is (normally!)very compassionate. Thanks again.

kala85

Could she move in with those friends altogether or tell her to move out until this is over.
Maybe show her a few videos of sky news YouTube of the people over there.

She obviously has no concept or appreciation of what is at stake and what's going on.