Immature boyfriend

LegacyUser

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. When we got together first he had more of a serious personality. He is a few years younger than me so I suspect now that maybe he was just trying to act a bit mature for my sake. As time went on I have never found him that immature in his actions (maybe at times but we are early to mid twenties so the odd time we will both do something stupid).

He has kind of a quirky personality. I’m not sure when exactly it started but he often calls me a funny nickname (which I have no problem with), a lot of the time he talks to me in this funny voice. It started first as a joke between us but now it seems to just be the way he speaks to me most of the time. As ridiculous as it sounds even I have gotten into the habit of doing this at times. I have said to him he’ll have to stop because we’re too old to go on like this but he kind of dismisses it.

Often when he is at home he will say these kind of funny comments to his mom, I could only describe them as one liners. Again he just thinks it is a joke. Even at the weekend we went for a drink and ran into a friend of his at the pub. We sat with him for the evening. A good number of times he made these jokes to his friend. It really kind of hit me how much it is annoying me when I saw him doing it in the pub.

I have told him before that it’s annoying me but he always just claims it’s only messing. I am beginning to find it so off putting and childish. In other ways he is great he’s reliable he’s a good worker etc. It’s not as though he’s childish in everything he does.

I don’t want to seem overly serious or a party pooper but he is just driving me insane. Nothing I am saying seems to make a difference to him making these “jokes”. I don’t feel like this is serious enough to break up with him over. But what can I can say to get him to stop?

Thelonious Monk

Doesn't sound like he's doing anything wrong. You've been with him a few years now so sometimes when things get a bit stale these small things start to wreck your head. Do you still like him and fancy him etc?

LegacyUser

Ya I do agree he’s not really doing anything wrong. But it has gone to the stage where it’s hard to get an actual conversation out of him. It’s almost always kind of baby talk I suppose you would call it. I do still fancy him and love him. But I feel like when he is always talking like this he seems almost child like.

woodchuck

Adell!! wrote: »

I don’t want to seem overly serious or a party pooper but he is just driving me insane. Nothing I am saying seems to make a difference to him making these “jokes”. I don’t feel like this is serious enough to break up with him over. But what can I can say to get him to stop?

OP it sounds like this is just his personality. If that's the case, then there is nothing you can do to get him to stop. Either you need to accept him for who he is or move on I'm afraid

It sounds like a personality clash to me, although it is unusual that it's only annoying you 3 years into the relationship! Perhaps you didn't notice it as much before because you were in the honeymoon phase?

You might not think it's serious enough to break up with him, but can you see yourself being happy with him in the long term if he doesn't change? If not, you know what you have to do...

osarusan

Sounds like that's just who he is, what his sense of humour is.

JeffKenna

It does sound like it's who he is. You can't change him unfortunately so either accept him as he is or move on.

Pistachio19

I agree, you're unlikely to be able to change him. And as that's his personality then he shouldn't really have to change it. However, as time goes on in a relationship the annoying habits can start to grate on your nerves. So you need to decide if you can put up with this or maybe end things so as to allow you both to find more suitable partners.

cj maxx

Is he slightly Inn the spectrum I think is how it's described?

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your replies.

Yes I suppose this is just his personality. It’s not that expect him to change but I find that he is doing this now more than ever, or maybe I am imagining things! Like for the most part I always laughed along because it was the odd time and it was funny. Now it’s non-stop it’s like talking to a kid at times.

And cjmc, a relative of his has said that he seems that way at times.

Tork

The age gap between you is probably starting to kick in now. I don't want to throw generalisations out there but guys tend to mature more slowly than girls. Next time he does it, tell him the joke has long since worn thin and that you're starting to wonder do you have a future? Send him a shot across the bows. It is putting it too strongly to suggest this is down to a lack of respect but he is not listening to you.

Even if you don't say or do anything, he is going to start grating on you more and more. Now that you're aware of these habits, you can never go back to how you were. Maybe a parting of the ways it's inevitable and for the best. You might now be too dissimilar to have a long term future.

Homelander

To be honest it doesn't sound like an immaturity issue just a personality issue (for you).

The only part which could be a bit more easily addressed is the funny voice bit, but from the way you've described how he interacts with friends and family, it's largely just a personality thing that you're blowing up because it's driving you mad.

zoobizoo

I'd break this down into 2 issues.

1. The voice and 2. The jokes.

The JOKES
If The Jokes are annoying you, then maybe you have different senses of humour. I couldn't go out with someone who didn't share my humour - did it a couple of times and they never worked out long term.

Do other people find him funny? Is it possible that you don't get his jokes and are labelling him immature because of that - or have you an example of the types of jokes he makes?

Is he avoiding serious discussions by constantly joking throughout or can you even have serious conversations with him? That would be a sign of immaturity.

The VOICE
If the voice is a baby voice, and he talks to you a "widdle bid like dish" all the time, then maybe he has found that you don't respond well to his jokes, but you do respond well to the voice and that for him that is then a good way of connecting with your / communicating with you.

JustAThought

Maybe he had run out of connections or conversations he can have with you and you just really have nothing left in common but still like each other. Maybe that is your future looming day after day, night after night. There is a colleague in work who does that and has been doing it for years - drives me mad but he has nothing else he has or will offer. Is your bf afraid of having a normal ‘grown up’ relationship and normal adult conversations with you .Life isn’t one liners and comic strip dialogue.