Dreading it - sister wedding [title updated]

LegacyUser

So my sis is now engaged.
Happy for her as that's what she wanted all her life.
I am already dreading the day and the hen.
I spoke about it before.
My sis runs away not be photographed beside me and goes out of her way not to talk to me at weddings::(
All rest of family will be in bridal party.

I know it's only 2 days
I just gotta suck it up but I immediately got that sinking feeling knowing exactly what I will have to put up with.

Of course I am happy for her. I am . I just know what kind of time I had at the last 2 family weddings:(

Maybe I could get a friend to come with me.

Anyways wish me luck:(

LegacyUser

Dreadingit wrote: »

So my sis is now engaged.
Happy for her as that's what she wanted all her life.
I am already dreading the day and the hen.
I spoke about it before.
My sis runs away not be photographed beside me and goes out of her way not to talk to me at weddings::(
All rest of family will be in bridal party.

I know it's only 2 days
I just gotta suck it up but I immediately got that sinking feeling knowing exactly what I will have to put up with.

Of course I am happy for her. I am . I just know what kind of time I had at the last 2 family weddings:(

Maybe I could get a friend to come with me.

Anyways wish me luck:(

If its any consolation I'm going through an almost identical situation, sister just engaged, same sister has caused me untold hardship in the past, took an active role in ruining my own relationship (of 8 years) and my family now expect me to be genuinely happy for her. It really gets me down because all of this history has never been acknowledged and it's really messed my life up tbh.

It's too much for me to stomach so I choose to preserve myself, not prolong the torment. So as things stand I won't be going. I suggest you put yourself first if it's distressing you that much, what others may/may not think shouldn't be in any way relevant to that decision.

Look after yourself.

cj maxx

Good luck OP

Pistachio19

If you don't have a healthy relationship with your sister then don't go. Nobody can force you and at the end of the day why would you care what she may think, given she doesn't treat you with respect. I gather there is a back story.

Take a leaf out of TimD91 book and give it a miss. Otherwise if you really cannot bring yourself to take a stand and miss it, consider yourself as any other non family guest and do not involve yourself in the organising of it, and don't go to the hen.

LegacyUser

I do get on with the sis that getting married.
It's the sis and sis in law who will be at table and will totally make no effort.
Even though they older it's bullying excluding.
I might as well not be at the wedding. It's school book stuff and as I am quiet so I not good enough for them.
The rest of my family be in bridal party.

There is no option not to go for me. I have to for the sister that getting married

Neyite

If you are close to the bride, can you ask her for a plus one given the circumstances? That way you could bring a friend and hang out with them rather than the other two.

Pistachio19

In that case ask the bride-to-be sister if you can bring a friend - one who knows the story and who can ignore the other pair of bitches with you.

cj maxx

I have re-read you OP and I wouldn't be arsed whether I went or not.
Deliberately leaving you out of the wedding party when everyone else is included ?
Not interacting with you. Avoiding photos etc. Seriously ? If I read it correctly then what is the point of you acting the part at her wedding if it's causing you such misery.
It's not your duty and life is too short to waste time on it
My two cents worth. Good luck anyway

LegacyUser

I not being left out of wedding party in a bad way. It's just she closer to other sisters so they be in that.

It's just me and the other sis won't be in wedding party but she thinks she above me so will not talk to me and purposefully run to the opposite end of line not be photographed beside me

She does this at every family occasion but 1000% worse at family weddings.

I get on v well with sis who getting married.
I have to suck it up for her.

LegacyUser

Dreadingit wrote: »

I not being left out of wedding party in a bad way. It's just she closer to other sisters so they be in that.

It's just me and the other sis won't be in wedding party but she thinks she above me so will not talk to me and purposefully run to the opposite end of line not be photographed beside me

She does this at every family occasion but 1000% worse at family weddings.

I get on v well with sis who getting married.
I have to suck it up for her.

Sorry for my last post, I misinterpreted your OP.

If your sister and/or sister in law act like that then they are clearly absolute tools and genuinely not worthy of your time or effort. Your going for your sister that's getting married, any bull**** they throw your way is a reflection on them and not you, remember that. See their behaviour for what it is, immature and downright idiotic, pity them rather than dreading them.

I'd definitely recommend bringing a close friend as a +1 (if that's possible) to make the whole thing more relaxed and enjoyable. Wishing ye all the best!

AulWan

If you are close to the sister who is getting married, why are you not part of her bridal party?

If she didn't include you, despite being close, and knows the issues you have with your other sister and sister-in-law, she should be understanding when you decline the invitation.

Sounds like your family plays favourites.

PARlance

cjmc wrote: »

I have re-read you OP and I wouldn't be arsed whether I went or not.
Deliberately leaving you out of the wedding party when everyone else is included ?
Not interacting with you. Avoiding photos etc. Seriously ? If I read it correctly then what is the point of you acting the part at her wedding if it's causing you such misery.
It's not your duty and life is too short to waste time on it
My two cents worth. Good luck anyway

Don't get the need for the nuclear option myself.

OP has said she is quiet, but at the same time has a big thing about others not talking to her and claims one sister runs away from standing beside her in photos.

I would feel sympathy for the OP if she's anxious at social occasions but there isn't much to of a case against the sisters imo.

Is there a significant age gap between you and your sisters OP? Do you make an effort to talk to them?
They mightn't want to stand beside you because you might be showing them up in a photo...

DaeryssaOne

OP I think if you're the same person who has posted here many times previously about your sisters that you may need some outside perspective on this.
In your previous threads, many posters thought you were reading into slights from your sister that possibly didn't actually happen at all or you were overly sensitive to remarks / situations that someone else might not interpret as being bad behaviour from your sister.

While you may not be close to that sister it doesn't mean that you should miss the hen or wedding of your other sister that you do get on with.

If your sister is not being nice to you, or you find yourself being overly sensitive to how she speaks to you then try your best to ignore her and be there for the bride and make sure she isn't noticing any tension between you two, you don't want to spoil her day by letting your other sister get to you.
I would advise that you try not to read into your sister's behaviour / treatment of you as it may not be intentional on her part, or even if it is - just ignore it and she will soon get tired of it.

LegacyUser

The only reason not in bridal party is cos she closer to other sisters who are in bridal party.
That has no impact on me at all.

The sis who will be at table with me does go out of her way not to be photographed beside me and will not speak to me at wedding. Maybe at table.
If it was a once off, yeah maybe you could think I was paranoid.
Unfortunately this behaviour has been going on for years at all family events but it's ramped up at weddings

She doesn't want to be seen talking to me or beside in any phoro that may appear in social media.

banoffe2

Best of luck OP
always remember we have choices. You could go on your own and ask to sit at a different table, in a place where you are included and comfortable. No point in keeping up appearances when it involves mental torture.

AulWan

Dreadingit wrote: »

The only reason not in bridal party is cos she closer to other sisters who are in bridal party.
That has no impact on me at all.

The sis who will be at table with me does go out of her way not to be photographed beside me and will not speak to me at wedding. Maybe at table.
If it was a once off, yeah maybe you could think I was paranoid.
Unfortunately this behaviour has been going on for years at all family events but it's ramped up at weddings

She doesn't want to be seen talking to me or beside in any phoro that may appear in social media.

Why don't you ask to be seated at another table?

Hannibal_Smith

Dreadingit wrote: »

The only reason not in bridal party is cos she closer to other sisters who are in bridal party.
That has no impact on me at all.

The sis who will be at table with me does go out of her way not to be photographed beside me and will not speak to me at wedding. Maybe at table.
If it was a once off, yeah maybe you could think I was paranoid.
Unfortunately this behaviour has been going on for years at all family events but it's ramped up at weddings

She doesn't want to be seen talking to me or beside in any phoro that may appear in social media.

Maybe change the focus. There will be other people at the wedding and at the table for dinner that you do get on with and that you do talk to, so focus on them? Let the sister carry on in whatever rude way she wants. There will be plenty of other people there to take the attention off her.

Don't put yourself in a position where she can hurt your feelings. Behaviour like hers is childish and unnecessary. I think you've brought it up with her before and it's done no good? So go and enjoy the day with the other 90 other (or however many guests there'll be) and let her off with herself.

strandroad

Dreadingit wrote: »

The sis who will be at table with me does go out of her way not to be photographed beside me and will not speak to me at wedding. Maybe at table.
If it was a once off, yeah maybe you could think I was paranoid.
Unfortunately this behaviour has been going on for years at all family events but it's ramped up at weddings

She doesn't want to be seen talking to me or beside in any phoro that may appear in social media.

She's only one person though. Why don't you just talk to others at the table instead, take photos etc if you want? She's being weird, just let her and do your thing instead.

Purple Mountain

If your sister who is getting married understands this situation, then you can have a quiet word with her before the arrangements.
Ask if you can be put sitting with a favourite aunt or cousin at the meal.
If you want to go to the hen, ask can you bring a friend or ask if a nice cousin will be there and just spend your time with them.
You don't need to be in the other sister's company at all.

Strange144

Hi everyone.
Op here.
For a strange reason boards.ie was not letting me login anon and kept telling me only permitted from Ireland and Uk which is where I am posting from.

Anyway, the table is probably the least of my worries. It's the entire wedding that the sis and sis in law be slobbering over one another and ignoring me. Bully tactics.

Sis in law might talk to me a tiny bit but sister goes over and beyond not to be seen talking to me or god forbid photographed beside me. Goes to end of earth for that not to happen.

Now maybe she insecure and thinks I will show her up. She good looking nothing tp worry about

I think it's for the future so to make sure her kids don't see her photographed beside me!

Be nice to have a normal sister but she knows what she is doing

cj maxx

I get the same message over wi-fi but grand on its phone

Tork

So what are you going to do? Looking at this thread, you have been given some good advice and I don't know what else anybody can tell you. If you go to the hen and the wedding, you know what's facing you. There is no point in wishing things were different or that you had normal sisters. This is the hand you've been dealt and you have to manage that. I get the impression you're allowing them to dictate everything here. Have you spoken to your sister about seating arrangements, for example? The advice given about being seated with family members you like is excellent. You can still have a good day with the rest of your family and not allow them to impinge on your enjoyment.

It's up to you to ensure the day is as good as possible as it can be for you. You have plenty to say about how awful your sisters are but there isn't much proactivity to be seen here. You need to talk to your sister and work out some way to keep yourself and the others away from each other. It might also be the time for your sister to tell the others to stop acting the maggot and grow up. If you have to be in some of the photos, sisters trying to avoid being near you is just childish carry-on.

Strange144

Not sure you read my last post. The table is the least of my worries.
There will be no problem in keeping away from sis and sis in law as they ignore me.
My sis goes above and beyond to do this.
Obviously I will be in wedding photos as sister of bride.
The sisters I get on with are in bridal party.
I am just going to bring a friend to the wedding.
I know the score. It will be like all the other family weddings where I am socially isolated from sister purposefully.
I have dealt with it at all the other weddings..Got me down but this one will be the last one for a long time thank f**k.
I will just talk to my relatives and try enjoy the day

Hannibal_Smith

Strange144 wrote: »

I will just talk to my relatives and try enjoy the day

I think this is the best approach OP. Hope you enjoy the day.

Big Bag of Chips

Strange144, I think this won't be as difficult as you think. I have 5 siblings. One I don't speak to (well, she doesn't speak to me!). My brother got married recently and I honestly don't think I spoke more than a handful of words to any of my family members all day! We were all busy mingling, talking to friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, brother's new in-laws. I congratulated my brother in the line up like all the other guests and that was as much as I saw of him. Me and my sister didn't speak all day. Nobody noticed.

Thelonious Monk

Chances are the wedding wont be happening now, your prayers have been answered!

Strange144

Thelonious Monk wrote: »

Chances are the wedding wont be happening now, your prayers have been answered!

It will. No plans set in place for it as of yet.
Anyway it be grand. There will always be bullies in this life

Strange144

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Strange144, I think this won't be as difficult as you think. I have 5 siblings. One I don't speak to (well, she doesn't speak to me!). My brother got married recently and I honestly don't think I spoke more than a handful of words to any of my family members all day! We were all busy mingling, talking to friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, brother's new in-laws. I congratulated my brother in the line up like all the other guests and that was as much as I saw of him. Me and my sister didn't speak all day. Nobody noticed.

I know nobody will notice just me. It's just an awful hurtful feeling when she goes out of her way not to talk to me at weddings or be seen anywhere near me in a photo!
I will get on and talk to everyone else and ignore her behaviour:)

AulWan

Strange144 wrote: »

It will. No plans set in place for it as of yet.

Wait, what? The way you were going on, I thought the wedding was imminent.

Are you saying its not even planned yet?

Strange144

AulWan wrote: »

Wait, what? The way you were going on, I thought the wedding was imminent.

Are you saying its not even planned yet?

It will be this year. I know what awaits me.
Anyway it will be fine. I am learning to deal with bullies and people who put me down. Thank you for your response.

Big Bag of Chips

Strange144, you need to stop giving so much time and focus to this. It seems you live your life waiting for your sister to acknowledge you. Hoping she’ll stand beside you in a photograph. Hoping she’ll talk to you at weddings. I think you mentioned before that she talks to you at small gatherings but not at weddings.

As I mentioned my sister doesn’t speak to me. At all. And you know what, rather than being upset about it and worrying about “what faces me” at family gatherings, I know she won’t talk to me, and I’m fine with that. She’s not a particularly nice person! She’s actually quite difficult to have a conversation with because she tends to dominate conversations and force her opinion (which is never opinion, it’s always stated as fact and nobody else gets a say!) on everyone there.

In general people tend to be polite to her, nod, smile and breath a sigh of relief when she moves on. So in fact, I’m quite happy that she doesn’t speak to me. Since she stopped talking to me I’ve realised I enjoy family gatherings so much more, because I don’t have to listen to her!!

I speak to others. I have light hearted funny conversations with people who don’t tend to look for fault or something to give out about. I am able to sit in the same group as her, but completely avoid her. And it’s liberating!

You’ll be fine. Just stop giving your sister so much power over you. My sister hasn’t spoken to me in 4 years and it’s been lovely!

Strange144

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Strange144, you need to stop giving so much time and focus to this. It seems you live your life waiting for your sister to acknowledge you. Hoping she’ll stand beside you in a photograph. Hoping she’ll talk to you at weddings. I think you mentioned before that she talks to you at small gatherings but not at weddings.

As I mentioned my sister doesn’t speak to me. At all. And you know what, rather than being upset about it and worrying about “what faces me” at family gatherings, I know she won’t talk to me, and I’m fine with that. She’s not a particularly nice person! She’s actually quite difficult to have a conversation with because she tends to dominate conversations and force her opinion (which is never opinion, it’s always stated as fact and nobody else gets a say!) on everyone there.

In general people tend to be polite to her, nod, smile and breath a sigh of relief when she moves on. So in fact, I’m quite happy that she doesn’t speak to me. Since she stopped talking to me I’ve realised I enjoy family gatherings so much more, because I don’t have to listen to her!!

I speak to others. I have light hearted funny conversations with people who don’t tend to look for fault or something to give out about. I am able to sit in the same group as her, but completely avoid her. And it’s liberating!

You’ll be fine. Just stop giving your sister so much power over you. My sister hasn’t spoken to me in 4 years and it’s been lovely!

Ah thanks bboc. I will take your advice:)