Personal Monkey Butler

beejee

Three questions, hotshot!

1) what do you call your monkey butler?

2) he can perform 3 tasks, perfectly, but only three. What are they?

3) what kind of clothes does he wear?

Get this ball rolling here, mine is called Siegfried, he can make the perfect cup of cha, can dictate my thoughts onto a durable medium, and tucks me in at night.

Attire? Arabian pantaloons during the weekend, classic tuxedo with over-sized collar during the week.

Hoboo

Wow. Just wow

pablo128

1. Spank.

2. Roll doobies. Make tea. Keep his mouth shut.

3. Smart casual.

Signore Fancy Pants

1. Beejee

2. Cant see, cant hear, cant talk.

3. Concrete shoes, pillowcase over the head, handcuffs behind the back.

Happy days.

Odhinn

beejee wrote: »

Three questions, hotshot!

1) what do you call your monkey butler? .

Mick

beejee wrote: »

2) he can perform 3 tasks, perfectly, but only three. What are they? .

Make tae, hoover, stab chosen enemies.

beejee wrote: »

3) what kind of clothes does he wear? .

Leather jacket, boots and shades.

jaxxx

beejee wrote: »

1) what do you call your monkey butler?

2) he can perform 3 tasks, perfectly, but only three. What are they?

3) what kind of clothes does he wear?

1) Fred


2)

• Predict the Euromillions numbers
• Brush my teeth
• Look after all the animals on the grounds

3) None, because the other animals might get jealous

beejee

Signore Fancy Pants wrote: »

1. Beejee

2. Cant see, cant hear, cant talk.

3. Concrete shoes, pillowcase over the head, handcuffs behind the back.

Happy days.

As the namesake of your Butler, I feel obliged to warn you of the consequences of your fantasy ape.

Inevitably, left to its own devices, the beejee would exercise it's laden legs with no other stimulus beyond gravity. The leg and toe muscles would grow to an obscene amount until eventually the concrete shoes would crack similar to freeze-thaw action, except it's flex-relax action instead.

Free of its burden, beejee tips would then goose march around the house with ferocious power and height to each step, invariably impacting upon your ball sack with the might of a thousand meteors, instant death being the only sensible expectation.

Oranage2

1) Get up and change the TV
2) Can fly
3) Use the coffee machine

I'd call him Charles and he'd wear a tshirt that looks like a shirt

beejee

Should have gone for the double barrelled name, like Harris-McGoo or something.

Although, I do appreciate the rocker monkey look above, leather jacket and all. It says "hey, I'm a chilled person, just look at my monkey", but also "my monkey drinks hard and rides a motorcycle."

Its very lovely.

jaxxx

beejee wrote: »

Should have gone for the double barrelled name, like Harris-McGoo or something.

Hmm. Would that be exclusive of the title, if forementioned monkey butler was to have a title? For instance, could one call one's monkey butler "Mr C0ck Womble" or would it have to be "Mr Womble"?

pablo128

beejee wrote: »

As the namesake of your Butler, I feel obliged to warn you of the consequences of your fantasy ape.

Inevitably, left to its own devices, the beejee would exercise it's laden legs with no other stimulus beyond gravity. The leg and toe muscles would grow to an obscene amount until eventually the concrete shoes would crack similar to freeze-thaw action, except it's flex-relax action instead.

Free of its burden, beejee tips would then goose march around the house with ferocious power and height to each step, invariably impacting upon your ball sack with the might of a thousand meteors, instant death being the only sensible expectation.

beejee

jaxxx wrote: »

Hmm. Would that be exclusive of the title, if forementioned monkey butler was to have a title? For instance, could one call one's monkey butler "Mr C0ck Womble" or would it have to be "Mr Womble"?

Hmm, tricky!

But looking at the manual, monkey butlers have a sophisticated, if lamentable, hierarchy.

Take, for example, Harris-McGoo, first name Van Peebles.

For the master, it is always Harris-McGoo.

For visiting humans, a casual "Van Peebles" will do, but ONLY when said Butler is not present.

Outside of work hours, right it's dinner time!

Leg End Reject

Reginald Ramsbottom 111.

Reginald would be responsible for all cooking, cleaning and laundry.

He wouldn't wear clothes as anthropomorphism is unethical.

blindside88

1) He’d be named Robert, I’d call him Robbie when he’s young, Rob as he gets older and eventually Bob.

2) Drive a car (to bring me to the pub and meetings).
Read horse racing form and predict winners.
Play golf (just for the craic).

3) He’d wear a suit like Don Johnson from Miami Vice and sunglasses

Redneck Reject71

El Chapo, heh.

Washing the dishes, throwing poo at politicians, random salesmen, etc, who come to my door at awkward times. And playing poker.

A mariachi costume, heh.

beejee

blindside88 wrote: »

1) He’d be named Robert, I’d call him Robbie when he’s young, Rob as he gets older and eventually Bob.

2) Drive a car (to bring me to the pub and meetings).
Read horse racing form and predict winners.
Play golf (just for the craic).

3) He’d wear a suit like Don Johnson from Miami Vice and sunglasses

A Miami Vice themed monkey Butler that can drive...

A new life goal emerges, just excellent

anewme

What is a monkey butler?

Jonybgud

Oranage2 wrote: »

2) Can fly

We know where he resides so, ya durty fecker......:pac:

jaxxx

anewme wrote: »

What is a monkey butler?

Jonybgud

anewme wrote: »

What is a monkey butler?

Like a duck mechanic, but different.

Sephiroth_dude

Leg End Reject

I don't know, Seph, he looks very lazy.

beejee

anewme wrote: »

What is a monkey butler?

"butler" stems from the French "boutellier" which is a bottle-handler, roughly translated or, more apt, a cup handler.

Going by this deep dive into Irish psychology, a tea-maker is of paramount importance.

The fact that the Butler happens to be a monkey allows one to avoid the bureaucracy of unionisation and other clap-trap designed to make my day troublesome, hence, the attraction of having a monkey Butler

anewme

Ahh, I've never watched Simpsons.

DavyD_83

1. Mojo (If I called him anything else, I'd only end up changing it to Mojo)
2. Find me beer anywhere, or maybe just be able to produce cans of Bavaria from a magic pocket
2. be able to produce cans of Bavaria from a magic pocket (not a euphemism for his ass, he has a fancy waistcoat obviously)
3. Produce diamonds from his other waistcoat pocket

kowloon

I haven't spent enough time thinking about this, but I think making tea is pretty much a universal skill.
A gorilla suit would be a pretty good outfit.

ILoveYourVibes

I call him .... Mr Happy.

He can wear whatever he likes.

He can drive me wherever.

He can talk.

He can read minds.

He can turn straw into gold.

gmisk

1. Mr Peanuts
2. Cut the grass, make the bed (including the duvet!), Clean the house
3. Ah I am not fussed but definitely trousers!