Broke up with bf.... In bits

LegacyUser

Me and my bf broke up last night.

I've sensed for a while he hasn't been happy. For example in the last few weeks if I'd say it's black, he'd say it's white. His tone in just disagreeing with me made me feel like I was been given out almost.

There has been more n more science than talking esp when I would go to his and there would be little said. Id make a comment sometimes just to break the silence and often wouldn't even get a sound out of him. There just seem to be no fun or laughter. I found at times with him frustrating, and id say he felt the same.

Other than that he's been such a lovely bf to me. At random times he would text hoping I was having a nice day (a thing I told him I thought was lovely) so he kept that up. We have all the same interests. Sex has always been great, really intimate and passionate. That's where he would seem to open up as in telling what he thinks of me and how much I turn him on etc.... So I have thought is sex the only good thing about us,

We were just watching telly last night and I just came out with it and asked him did he think we were working. He said he didn't know.... That there seems to be times we get on, and times we don't. (No fighting as in the silence).

I told him I sensed he wasn't happy and he said he wasn't unhappy but prob not as happy as he should be. He asked me and I just said I haven't been since I thought he hasnt.

I told him about the stuff I mentioned at the start and he admitted that maybe it was because he wasn't happy but didn't know it. We were both hesitant to end it, but he said after having that talk it's probably best to end it. I agreed but also saying I didn't want to cause id miss him.

Thing is were both gonna see each other 2 to 3 times a week ... And socialise with the same people. This is really tough for me cause it's the only social outlet I have and managed to stick too. I've tried many and really don't want to start all over again with a new club.

I'm just scared. I miss like mad already. I hate the thoughts I won't be spending my evenings with him and telling him about my day etc or just hearing how he is etc.

I was mad about him.

Sorry I'm just in bits so my post is prob all over the place. I just wanted to get that out and get something back.

Typer Monkey

Breaking up with someone you're mad about is tough OP, it's a sucker punch but you will get over it in time. Let yourself wallow, talk to your friends, maybe skip the club meet ups for a short while. You eventually will feel better, you've just got to tough it out for a while.

It sounds like breaking up was the right thing to do. Let's face it, you weren't getting on. Awkward silences are an indication you're not enjoying each other's company. He hasn't been treating you well, ignoring you when you speak to him is not cool.

You've just got to keep on keeping on for a while til you feel better. There is a better relationship out there with someone who is good company and who enjoys your company too. All the best

LegacyUser

Op here.

I just don't know how I'm going to cope with seeing him at training twice a week. I love the club I'm in and tbh quitting is not an option.

I'm scared of all the upset that's coming my way. I'm feeling vulnerable. Only last week I got diagnosed with BPD.

Thelonious Monk

You have to quit the club, otherwise this is just going to go on forever in some form or another.

Dog day

Hi OP, break ups are tough particularly when you’re still mad about the person. Really sorry you’re going through this. Most of us have been there & can empathise.

At the moment you need time & distance. It’s really important to give yourself space to try to get through this & I’d echo those posters saying you should give the club a break for a while at least. The diagnosis of BPD on top of all this is very rough. Surround yourself with close friends & family if you can. You’ll get through it. Mind yourself.

zoobizoo

Hey OP,

it sounds like he wanted an out and made sure that you gave him that out rather than him taking a more mature approach of having a chat with you.

As for the club, any chance he'll take a back seat there for a while ?

Calypso Realm

OP-Sorry to hear about your situation.

Judging by his behaviour, I too, believe he was trying to get you to do the breaking up.

Unless you can really fake it, which (very understandably) sounds doubtful at this point, I would give the club a miss, for a few weeks at least. You really need a period of no contact in order to get your head around things. Otherwise a bad experience there could set you back alot. Remember, you WILL be absolutely fine without him in time!

LegacyUser

Op again. Thanks all who have replied.

I might give the training a miss for a week or 2, can't miss too much of it either. Like I said quitting isn't an option.

I think I feel kind of embarrassed and shamed that he ended up not liking my company anymore, that he was just waiting for me to make the move and break up.

We both had the interest in our progression in the hobby.... It's gonna be hard that I can't really rely on him now, that I'll just have to face him as if we never had something going on. Going back to just be "hobby" Buddies. It was him and his friend I got on and spoke to most in the club, there is a click with the other girls and never felt fully fitted in.

I know what's ahead and I guess I'm just scared of being alone again.

Dog day

I'm not a robot wrote: »

I might give the training a miss for a week or 2, can't miss too much of it either. Like I said quitting isn't an option.

Op, I know it’s really hard but I’d encourage you to find a new club, it will be a much better option to start afresh somewhere new. Seeing him soon on a regular basis will just set you back. Use this as an opportunity to get out there & make new connections particularly as you mention there’s already a bit of a clique of girls in the current club. I know it’s hard but going back to that club is just prolonging the pain of getting over him, why do that to yourself?

qwerty13

I'm not a robot wrote: »

Op here.

I just don't know how I'm going to cope with seeing him at training twice a week. I love the club I'm in and tbh quitting is not an option.

I'm scared of all the upset that's coming my way. I'm feeling vulnerable. Only last week I got diagnosed with BPD.

Do you think your undiagnosed/untreated BPD at the time might have been a factor? If that’s the case, that’s hard on you; but perhaps understandable from your partner.

Ubbquittious

Aww you craythurling. Maybe do your own thing for a while, bit of travelling for a few weeks to clear your head and get away from it. It tis not easy. Maybe after a while u can become friends again

Thelonious Monk

Ubbquittious wrote: »

Maybe after a while u can become friends again

She can't, especially someone with BPD, terrible advice.
OP you can continue to torture yourself by going to the club, it's a fitness club from what I'm gathering, or you can quit and move on with your life. In 99% of cases people can't move on until they distance themselves properly from situations like this. You say it isn't an option, it just has to be an option whether you like it or not.

bitofabind

It sounds like you're really hanging onto the club thing, which is going to make this whole thing a million times more painful.

If he was your main "buddy" there and you don't have any other social connections, you need to embrace moving on from it as a crucial part of the breakup process. I'd go as far as to call it self-care. There's no way you're going to be able to continue to see him a few times a week, have to ignore your intense feelings and NOT feel incredibly isolated and depressed and sad about the whole thing. It's like putting your hand on a hot stove and expecting to not get burned. What's more important right now, practising your sport or protecting your mental health?

Dunno what the club is but I can guarantee you'll find 5 more that work just as well as this one, can also guarantee you'll be creating more threads around here from the pain and frustration you'll get from drawing out the breakup if you have to see this guy on a regular basis.