Mr. Kipling and his Cakes

beejee

Had one of these the other day and it was very good, very, very good in fact.

Better than good, really. I want to say it was better than good, but I also don't want to go over the top and say it was great. Something that went beyond good, but stays within the realm of goodness, but perhaps at the fringe of good that goes in excess of it?

Can anyone solve this mystery? Can't put my finger on how good Mr kiplings cakes are...

Whiplashy

Exceedingly

JupiterKid

Mr Kipling makes exceedingly small cakes....
















....the stingy BASTARD!!! :pac:

Leg End Reject

They're no cheeseless cheeseburger.

By the way, I'm a very accomplished flute player.

beejee

No! That sounds rubbish.

Ye are mixing yourselves up with the slogan, "Mr. Kipling knows how they make it so creamy"

Whiplashy

sugarman wrote: »

Exceedingly tiny.

Id eat a whole packet to myself these days.

Ah yes but if they weren't so exceedingly good you wouldn't want to

Ubbquittious

Are they owned by Unilever, GlaksoSmithKlineBeachCombBaby, Tencent holdings or some other supermahoosive conglohommerate? If so they are using some experimental concoction from the Monsanto skunkworks to make it addictive

whiskeyman

The answer is sugar.

branie2

They are exceedingly good

branie2

Sorry, I didn't mean to put up that question mark

Church on Tuesday

Exceedingly overrated.

whisky_galore

There's cocaine in them.

beejee

Okay<nice<good<appropriate<great<exciting

Using the patent-pending cake scale above, I have no option but to assume his cakes are better than good but less than great, therefore

"Mr kipling, he makes appropriate cakes". Now there's a jingle that will get the fans all a-wobbling if ever there was one.

beejee

branie2 wrote: »

Sorry, I didn't mean to put up that question mark

No big deal, just another mark against your soul is all.

Beanntraigheach

They're sickly sweet SHÌTE!
Mr Kipling can keep them.

beejee

Leg End Reject wrote: »

They're no cheeseless cheeseburger.

By the way, I'm a very accomplished flute player.

What is it, exactly, that you have accomplished through your playing of the flutes, may I be so bold as to enquire?

*straightens eyebrow in anticipation*

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

beejee wrote: »

Had one of these the other day and it was very good, very, very good in fact.

Better than good, really. I want to say it was better than good, but I also don't want to go over the top and say it was great. Something that went beyond good, but stays within the realm of goodness, but perhaps at the fringe of good that goes in excess of it?

Can anyone solve this mystery? Can't put my finger on how good Mr kiplings cakes are...

Not having a kid who just got busted for cannabis possession probably helped

Leg End Reject

beejee wrote: »

What is it, exactly, that you have accomplished through your playing of the flutes, may I be so bold as to enquire?

*straightens eyebrow in anticipation*

I have climactic finishes to my performances, more so than say an amateur oboist.

I find the key is to keep one's mouth moist and wear a blue scarf.

beejee

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

Not having a kid who just got busted for cannabis possession probably helped

*fondles big toe in bewilderment*

anewme

I cant play the flute, but I'm so glad I was taught how to play the recorder back in 6th class.

It has become really handy in adult life, I've lost count of how many times I've resolved a difficult situation with a quick blast of 3 blind mice.

beejee

Leg End Reject wrote: »

I have climactic finishes to my performances, more so than say an amateur oboist.

I find the key is to keep one's mouth moist and wear a blue scarf.

*unibrow falls off face at thoughts of sexual ramification*

It's no joke to out puff an obo blower. Excellent news, all round.

Leg End Reject

anewme wrote: »

I cant play the flute, but I'm so glad I was taught how to play the recorder back in 6th class.

It has become really handy in adult life, I've lost count of how many times I've resolved a difficult situation with a quick blast of 3 blind mice.

You should join me for a rendition in the libary next Febuary, we have lots of time to pactise.

BuboBubo

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

They're sickly sweet SHÌTE!
Mr Kipling can keep them.

Yep.

He can shove them up his hole.

anewme

Leg End Reject wrote: »

You should join me for a rendition in the libary next Febuary, we have lots of time to pactise.

Pactice makes pefect.

branie2

They are nice at Christmas

beejee

anewme wrote: »

Pactice makes pefect.

What happens when a flute player of ill-but-oddly-enticing-repute, a crime-fighting recordist fixated on mice, and platters of appropriate cakes meet in a libary?

*licks eyebrow passionately*

Leg End Reject

beejee wrote: »

What happens when a flute player of ill-but-oddly-enticing-repute, a crime-fighting recordist fixated on mice, and platters of appropriate cakes meet in a libary?

*licks eyebrow passionately*

The mice, eager to keep their tails, rebel and stage a coup. In their blind state they mistakenly identify the flautist as the recorder player.

As they launch their frenzied attack the flautist is choked to death by deep-throating the flute. The recorder player then screams in horror, traumatising the libarian.


The libarian unleashes years of pent-up frustration and batters the recorder player to death with her own cherished recorder, the one she has lovingly cared for since 6th class.


As a result the libary loses another r and is henceforth known as the libay.


The acceptable cakes escape unharmed, bolstered by sugar, palm oil, preservatives and artificial colours.

anewme

And we all get cheesebugers on the way home, even the vegetian.

Leg End Reject

anewme wrote: »

And we all get cheesebugers on the way home, even the vegetian.

And minus the cheese, times ae had and we'e dead.

KungPao

Who even buys them these days. So ‘90s. Remember French Fancies? All the rage back then. Even as a kid I thought they just tasted like processed sugary ****e.

I still like those little tart mixes though. Some strawberry/black currant jam, some lemon curd. With a nice cup of Rosie. Oh yes.

Beanntraigheach

BuboBubo wrote: »

Yep.

He can shove them up his hole.

Back from whence they came.

Xertz

They’re exceedingly sugary. You can nearly feel the diabetes kicking in.

Beanntraigheach

Over-indulging on his own products has left Mr Kipling with exceedingly big tits.

Greyfox

beejee wrote: »

Had one of these the other day and it was very good, very, very good in fact.

Better than good, really. I want to say it was better than good, but I also don't want to go over the top and say it was great

I'd go as far as to say their absolutely amazing. Lots of things in this world are overratted, his cakes are definitely underrated.

Tork

They are? They're over-processed bales of sugar that never go off because there's nothing to go off in them.

topper75

Was he anything to Rudyard?
They never explained this on the ads.

JustAThought

mmmmmm ... french fancies... divine

I like those tiny little lemon ones too but am tying to save the planet by not buying them as they use so much individual plastic shells to hold each tiny bite size that I feel twice the guilt every time I eat one. But if they came in a block - a big lemony tarty cKe sized chunk block - well then I would be mad with happiness ... exceedingly so. mmmmm lent :0

D3V!L

whisky_galore wrote: »

There's cocaine in them.

Are you sure its not raisins ?

JustAThought

D3V!L wrote: »

Are you sure its not raisins ?

Not mad about raisins in my food and I can’t thinl of a Mr Kipling with raisins in it - but maybe cos my impending diabetic coma kicks in when I even look at the packaging and renders me blind to raisins.

It was always a bit of genius in them that they could cater to such opposite tastes so well - my brother would put you in a headlock for the last marzipan slice or a bit of battenberg or a jam tart - but I wouldn’t eat any of them. Just the french fancies pleass, thanks. Homer drool....

Earthhorse

Church on Tuesday wrote: »

Exceedingly overrated.

Beanntraigheach wrote: »

They're sickly sweet SHÌTE!
Mr Kipling can keep them.

Completely agree. I wonder if for some people there's a nostalgia factor. I never had them growing up myself and tried them as an adult only to be deeply disappointed.

They look tempting but they are pretty flavourless and far too sticky.

jimgoose

Ach they're a fine cake, English, but they're no Doreen's Bakery, near me.

anewme

Miserable portions as well.

uch

I Like Cake...


I finally got a thread this makes sense in :D

railer201

Fill the unforgiving minute stuffing my gob with Kipling's cakes !

topper75

Yours is the kitchen press and everything that's in it
and - which is more - you'll be a fatso my son!

Boardnashea

beejee wrote: »

Okay<nice<good<appropriate<great<exciting

Using the patent-pending cake scale above, I have no option but to assume his cakes are better than good but less than great, therefore

"Mr kipling, he makes appropriate cakes". Now there's a jingle that will get the fans all a-wobbling if ever there was one.

And there's a bakery in Belfast that will still probably refuse to make inappropriate cakes.

Kipling cakes don't taste good enough to be a treat. The exception is the pink French Fancy, which is not only French but also pink, and fancy.

uch

I used to work near Fusco foods in Sandyford, and Dominic Fusco used to bring his car in for whatever, he was always armed with a box, half the size of croke park full of cakes for us when he came in (knowing any maintenance was free thereafter) and my jaysus, these were the best cakes I've ever tasted, custard slices, coffee slices, eclaires, chocolate eclaires, rum truffles, cream slices with jam, cinnamon rolls It was heaven on earth,, now I'm drooling and forgot what I was going to say

Greyfox

uch wrote: »

custard slices, coffee slices, eclaires, chocolate eclaires, rum truffles, cream slices with jam, cinnamon rolls It was heaven on earth,, now I'm drooling and forgot what I was going to say

I hate you

I'm doing well trying to avoid sugary treats till the weekend these days and now all I can think about is this comment

uch

Greyfox wrote: »

I hate you

I'm doing well trying to avoid sugary treats till the weekend these days and now all I can think about is this comment

It's friday tomorrow, that counts as weekend, enjoy your custard slice,,, and licking yer fingers for 20 mins afterwards