Nephew stealing money

LegacyUser

23 year old nephew stays with us occasionally (weekends) and has stolen spare change from my moneybox. I believe it's been each time he stays (probably going back a few months). While I thought the money was going down, I never really thought about it. It was only today that I got really suspicious as I was sure there was a lot more money in it earlier.

So before going out, I positioned the money in such a way that it would be obvious if it was moved. And when I returned, it was. No one else was in the house, and he had left by the time we got back. However to be 100% sure, I have ordered a spy-cam for next time. There's absolutely no doubt in my mind he stole money but I want cast-iron proof before accusing someone of theft.
I reckon he's taken north of €60-€70 so far.

My dilemma is whether to confront him with his mother, or to say it to him aside (once I get the proof)?
He's an arrogant pup really and honestly, I can't stand him. I only let him stay to keep the peace with his mother (staying with me means she doesn't have to drive him where he needs to go). So I'd actually prefer to have it out in front of his mum, maybe it'll stop him from staying here again.
He's over 18 and I could take the (future) footage to the Gardai but that's going too far, putting a shadow over his future over some spare change, but at the same time, I am not letting him away with it, maybe he's needs a good shock.

byhookorbycrook

He's an adult, no need to involve his mother.

PirateShampoo

Tell him you want the money back, ban him from your house and threaten to tell his mother if gives any lip or refuses to pay up.

beertons

PirateShampoo wrote: »

Tell him you want the money back, ban him from your house and threaten to tell his mother if gives any lip or refuses to pay up.

This.

elperello

Consider the effect your actions may have on other relationships.

It may be best to write off the money and just end the accommodation arrangement.

It's your place and you are entitled to have it to yourself.

Let his parents parent him.

05eaftqbrs9jlh

elperello wrote: »

Consider the effect your actions may have on other relationships.

It may be best to write off the money and just end the accommodation arrangement.

It's your place and you are entitled to have it to yourself.

Let his parents parent him.

He's too old to be parented by anyone at this stage.

I'd say catch him on camera, tell him to give you back the money or you'll go to the small claims court (?) and obviously never have him stay over again.

Whether you tell his family would depend on how he handles the situation.

Andrew00

What's he squandering the money on?

elperello

Ellianna Screeching Shindig wrote: »

He's too old to be parented by anyone at this stage.

I'd say catch him on camera, tell him to give you back the money or you'll go to the small claims court (?) and obviously never have him stay over again.

Whether you tell his family would depend on how he handles the situation.

Chronological age is no guarantee of maturity. Some people need to be parented longer than others.

The OPs actions over what is a small amount of money could have long term effects on multiple relationships.

P2C

Get the evidence. Treat him like an adult. Don’t bother involving his mother. In the end of the day it’s loose change but I would let him know you know he is a thief and he won’t be comfortable staying again

un5byh7sqpd2x0

Andrew00 wrote: »

What's he squandering the money on?

Coke and hookers no doubt

JustAThought

Does he have a key or does his mother? If he is stealing you want to make sure he cannot gain access - if your sister has a key get it back and his if he has one and/or change the locks. By all means do a spycam for your own verification but I wouldn’t go the garda route or challenge his mother - it could damage the family long term. After you have the locks sorted Let your sister know you no longer are happy for the arrangement to continue and leave it at that. No doubt he may guess why. If he challenges you say you have footage of him stealing from you - no doubt he will find a way to excuse or shrug it off. For someone that age to be stealing is worrying.

Andrew00

Andrew00 wrote: »

What's he squandering the money on?

70 quid over a few months? Topping up his pocket money / dole.

This could be a valuable lesson in cause and effect. You broke trust, and lost a convenient bolt hole.

OP: pay the money back, i reckon its 70 euro. You can't stay until its paid back in full. You ever steal from me again you'll never stay here again and I'll tell your mother.
Nephew: it was only a few euros
OP: 4 euros a weekend, every weekend for 6 months is 96. Im rounding it down to 70.

Atlantic Dawn

Sometimes in life it's better to just tell scrotes like this to enjoy the money they robbed and to stay out of your life forever, they are dirt and worth nothing.