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Self destructive

  • 29-02-2020 1:20pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Long time poster here going incognito.

    So basically I've been with my GF for the past 6 years.. living together 3 and recently bought our first home together.
    She is smart,funny,well driven, loyal.. I have been difficult to say the least. I lie.. basically do what I want and if theres a means to go about things my way its my way.

    Thing is my mind is boiling over.. I feel like I've lost attraction to her for the past few years and my mind and eye is wandering elsewhere.. sex life is dull..about twice in 3 months (early 30s here) I want sex.. she does too.. I'm just not into her. I had these thoughts years back and should have acted on them. I am too much of a coward and I really dont want to hurt her. It all boils down to that. I have been contemplating what I should do.. We recently moved into our first home.I thought maybe a new start would be a new spark. I would gladly sign my name over and give her the house without any financial means my way.. I dont want to **** her over either. We moved to an area she is from and comfortable in. Im from the country and miss the quiet too so that doesnt help.

    I suffer a bit from my head.. she constantly asks me to get help and im very poor at doing so. my mom died a decade ago from an overdose on all the stuff they gave to help her head.

    Im slow to go about talking or taking pills.

    My gf travels a bit for work and it gave me weeks to sit alone.. on my own.. and its how I feel I should be. I would love no more than to be in a room back down home and just left alone. I am not suicidal or anything. I just need my own space to gather my thoughts.

    I feel maybe ive let myself cruise through life to keep others happy. I am obliging . Im not all that bad when I look back at it. I guess im tired of living the lie I created for myself. I'm not sure if I need to just take a step back and see what I can do. Or just cut a fresh slate.

    My biggest fear is before we go about kids or marriage am I best to cut ties now. I will hurt her in the future and its probably better I do it now before we have all the emotional ties of kids.

    I'm a dick and I know it. I'll hurt her a lot by walking away. But hurt both of us if I stay.

    Sorry this is a little bit of an incoherent ramble.


Comments

  • #2
    zapper55
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 685 ✭✭✭zapper55


    Ok yes it will hurt her but way way less than delaying it or waiting til ye have kids. You have to stop putting this off.

    It's crap that you've bought a place together and by the sounds of it somewhere to suit you more than her. You have to realise it's not going to be as winging it over to her. She mightn't want it or be able to afford it on her own. Could you?

    Anyway most importantly you need to talk to her about it this weekend.


  • #3
    Tork
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,517 ✭✭✭Tork


    You need to get your preconceptions about getting professional help out of your head. There's every chance your issues won't require any medication. Sitting down and talking to a trained therapist isn't what you want but I think you need to do this in order to be fair to you and to your girlfriend. Why is it that you behave in the way you do and why you ended up where you are? Even if you end up walking away from this relationship, you'll be bringing all that baggage with you. You owe it to yourself and the others whose lives you affect to get your head sorted. Hiding away from your issues has led you to where you are now. Your plan to sign the house over to your girlfriend and leave is coming across to me as being an expensive form of running away.

    I strongly advise you to get help and talk to a professional before you breathe a word to your girlfriend. You need to know exactly what it is you need in order to resolve this before you talk to her.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Tork wrote: »
    You need to get your preconceptions about getting professional help out of your head. You should like you badly need to sit down with a trained therapist and talk through a lot of this. Not just about your current predicament but why you behave in the way you do and how you ended up here. I strongly advise you to do that before you breathe a word to your girlfriend. You need to know exactly what it is you need in order to resolve this before you talk to her.


    I appreciate that thank you. Got a number off a friend for a lady who he recommends highly. Will just have to go ahead with it.


    I get what you're saying about having all my ducks in a row first before I open a mouth so confused it could do more damage.


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