Settling vs Not being picky?

LegacyUser

This is something I've been struggling with for a while. I've been single for almost 6 years (30 year old woman), I'm not beautiful but scrub up alright and have plenty of other great qualities. I've dated lots of people over the last 5 years. Some were clear no-goes from the start, some I really liked but they didn't feel the same, and some fizzled. Nothing over 6/8 weeks.

The thing I'm struggling with the most however is when I meet someone who I like but I'm not excited about. Been on a couple of dates with a lovely guy recently. I'm physically attracted to him and personality wise he's very nice but...? There's something missing. There's a few things about him that, while there not bad things, do put me off.

Am I just being picky or is this normal? Could it go somewhere if I gave it half a chance? I've definitely had intense, romantic attractions in the past and (with the exception of my ex) they never went anywhere. And while I definitely think back on those experiences fondly, i also think back on those boys that were just "nice" and wonder if I'd be happy now if I had stayed with them even though at the time I felt something wasn't right.

This isn't even particularly about the man I'm seeing now (he's dropped hits he may be planning to emigrate anyway) but while I'm happy enough single I have always wanted a partner and would hate to remain single just because I'm waiting for "fireworks". Am I just being picky/full of myself or would staying with someone you're not excited about be settling?

lainey_d_123

30 is still pretty young these days in terms of settling down, OP. That doesn't mean you're not being unreasonably picky, but it's hard to say when you haven't given an example of what kind of things you are considering dealbreakers.

You say you're seeing a guy and are put off by a few things. What are they? This is really relevant. If it's you don't like the way he holds his fork or he lives on the other side of town and it's a bit of a hassle to get there, that's very different to making misogynistic comments or expecting you to pick up the bill all the time.

Intense romantic attractions can sometimes be red flags for something that's just lusty and has no legs, but I've also had relationship start that way so it's definitely not something you should feel isn't achievable for a LTR. I've made the mistake of dating people I didn't feel a huge sexual attraction for because they were 'nice' and it never ended well.

Emme

If the guy you're seeing is dropping hints that he's planning to emigrate maybe he's not that in to you either. You should be more worried about weeding out time wasters and non-starters than "the spark".