Sharing of expenses

LegacyUser

Need some advice. My partner is divorced with 4 kids, pays 1800 Euro maintenance to ex, plus pays all medical and school expenses, kids are all in private education. His ex lives in his house with the children. He lives in my 4 bed house and kids stay there every 2nd weekend and 2 days every week. He pays me 500 Euros rent monthly. Lately, I had to replace a lot of furniture due to wear and tear of having kids in my house for several years. Now also washing machine, dryer and a few other appliances broke down. I asked if he could contribute to replacing washing machine and dryer and he refused. He says 500 Euros a month should be enough to cover these expenses. In his opinion, because he is not on the deeds of my house, he should not be obliged to pay any more. I have a modest salary, just getting by, but have no savings. He drives a brand new car, earns 3 times my salary, ex-wife drives brand new car too. Am I being unreasonable asking to contribute to the replacement of these household appliances?

jimmycrackcorm

Noname63568 wrote: »

Need some advice. My partner is divorced with 4 kids, pays 1800 Euro maintenance to ex, plus pays all medical and school expenses, kids are all in private education. His ex lives in his house with the children. He lives in my 4 bed house and kids stay there every 2nd weekend and 2 days every week. He pays me 500 Euros rent monthly. Lately, I had to replace a lot of furniture due to wear and tear of having kids in my house for several years. Now also washing machine, dryer and a few other appliances broke down. I asked if he could contribute to replacing washing machine and dryer and he refused. He says 500 Euros a month should be enough to cover these expenses. In his opinion, because he is not on the deeds of my house, he should not be obliged to pay any more. I have a modest salary, just getting by, but have no savings. He drives a brand new car, earns 3 times my salary, ex-wife drives brand new car too. Am I being unreasonable asking to contribute to the replacement of these household appliances?

His 500 euros a month should cover him staying there, because that's normal in a rental regardless of your personal situation.
But if he wants his kids to stay there also then he needs to pay extra.

He is right in that he had no hold over your house and effectively he is a lodger with no rights. You could throw him out with no notice.

The law here is screwed in that he's held to pay for his own family while his wife gets the benefit of the family home. You're just seeing the effects of that inequality.

Btw. I have a lodger who has his kids stay over similarly and pays me 500 pm. I don't expect him to contribute extra towards my extraneous expenses, so why do you expect it?

Xterminator

Hi OP

my very 1st piece of advice is to forget the fact his ex wife drives a new car and his kids are privately schooled etc. It doesn't make any difference to your issue but does give big clues to your mindset.

he is (as least his rights are) a lodger. A long term lodger wouldn't replace a landlords white goods - thats not reasonable. Your arrangement is that of a lodgers where he pays a set fee every month inclusive of bills. you don't talk about sharing at all, not bills expenses, property tax, tax credits. You call him your partner, but i would suggest he might not see it that way, nor does it sound like you are equal partners. you can as mentioned throw him out tomorrow. and he would have no recourse

Why would he invest in whitegoods and furniture in those circumstances ? From his POV you receive 500 euro m month towards your household costs i assume tax free. that's 6200 euros a year towards bills, expenses and wear and tear on furniture & furnishings. Its probably an arrangement that suits you both.

As the landlord you can up the rent to 550 per month with a months notice. that will defray your expenses.

But as you do call him your partner, perhaps in your eyes he is exactly that or you hope he will become that, despite the inequality in your arrangements. his response to your request to contribute more to household expenses suggests to me he doesn't see himself as an equal partner at all. And that's a whole different discussion. It doesn't mean you have to get married etc, but you might have to talk about setting up a joint bank account, about joint assessment for tax, about what happens to him if you die tomorrow and vice versa.

Is that conversation being avoided?

JustMe,K

Sounds like he doesn't see you as partners the same way you do, because if he did then he would not be arguing about these things. When I lived with my parents for a brief period they needed a new washing machine and although I was paying to stay there, I still gave them money towards the new machine as I used it!

Maybe you need to review your relationship? Or lock down the parts of the house your lodger and his guests have access to.