Kids party - advice needed

mamabear20

So yesterday morning at 9.30am my neighbour knocked to say that his daughter was having a birthday party at 11am and to send our daughter in " if she had nothing on" or if she did to "send her in afterwards". We were a bit taken aback by the short notice of this , as in we were told 90 mins before the party started. Our girls , while there is a year of an age difference, had always gone to each others parties etc. . Given that its winter my child hadn't been out much the last while and I did notice when she called for the neighbours child she didnt come out with her. Maybe the age difference is coming into play now that her daughter is a little older. Anyway we have them the benefit of the doubt saying maybe it was a last minute thing and we would wait until after my daughters dance class and see. Anyway as we live right next door we could see lots of cars pull up and drop off kids so it appears this party was indeed pre planned. I feel so bad for my daughter , luckily we kept her out of the house as she also had swimming class but decided against sending her into the party. It's my daughters party next week and I will be inviting all of the neighbours kids but I cant help but feel they just didnt want my daughter there. Am I right to be a little put out or am I over reacting

jlm29

Honestly, life is too short to be put out by something like this, especially if your daughter didn’t notice. I’d probably be a bit annoyed if the other child had been discussing it with her before hand or something, but they might just genuinely have forgotten. Or maybe they were only asking family or something and included your child at the last minute.
You have to live next door to them, presumably for the foreseeable, it’s not worth making an issue of it

Cakerbaker

Mistakes happen. A few weeks ago I got a panicked text off a mam from crèche. My son hadn’t recently moved room and she had just invited the kids in her child’s room. The morning of the party her son was listing all the people he was going to play with and named my son. She then realized she had forgotten to invite him as he had moved. We went to the party and my son had a great time. Sure he had no idea he’d been forgotten about, I just told him it was a surprise!

I know myself it’s hard to keep on top of everything so mistakes can happen, especially when it comes to kids outside of the obvious group, like kids in different rooms / classes / neighbors etc.

mamabear20

jlm29 wrote: »

Honestly, life is too short to be put out by something like this, especially if your daughter didn’t notice. I’d probably be a bit annoyed if the other child had been discussing it with her before hand or something, but they might just genuinely have forgotten. Or maybe they were only asking family or something and included your child at the last minute.
You have to live next door to them, presumably for the foreseeable, it’s not worth making an issue of it

Thanks for your input ! no it definitely wasnt a family only party as there were loads of kids from the girls school at it. I think I was so surprised as this particular mother is a school teacher and beyond organised and had always invited my daughter to everything before. I also found out today she had asked the other neighbours children last week. I do agree with you that its jot an issue to be made. I will speak to her as normal but I guess I was a bit taken aback that's all

Cakerbaker

mamabear20 wrote: »

Thanks for your input ! no it definitely wasnt a family only party as there were loads of kids from the girls school at it. I think I was so surprised as this particular mother is a school teacher and beyond organised and had always invited my daughter to everything before. I also found out today she had asked the other neighbours children last week. I do agree with you that its jot an issue to be made. I will speak to her as normal but I guess I was a bit taken aback that's all

It might just be something as simple as both parents assuming the other had said it to you and they may just have realized on the morning of the party that neither of them had.

mamabear20

Cakerbaker wrote: »

It might just be something as simple as both parents assuming the other had said it to you and they may just have realized on the morning of the party that neither of them had.

I sure hope so , we have had such a good relationship so far and our girls had gotten on really well over the summer. Thanks for your reply , it's our little ones bday next week so I will extend the invite to all the kids and hopefully we just all move past it!

Yoghurt87

I think you might be over-reacting. Are there many other kids in the neighbourhood and were they all there too? My daughter has lots of friends in the neighbourhood, but once she started primary school, parties became a little too unwieldy especially when neighbourhood kids would have been different ages so we started to restrict them to kids in her class only. The odd time we would have extended the invitation if numbers allowed.

Is your daughter even aware of the late invite? If not then she is highly unlikely to be put out herself, so I’d try not to project any of your own misgivings onto her. I know that’s easier said than done as we as parents are wired to be protective but this is a situation that will arise again and again throughout her school going years.

mamabear20

Yoghurt87 wrote: »

I think you might be over-reacting. Are there many other kids in the neighbourhood and were they all there too? My daughter has lots of friends in the neighbourhood, but once she started primary school, parties became a little too unwieldy especially when neighbourhood kids would have been different ages so we started to restrict them to kids in her class only. The odd time we would have extended the invitation if numbers allowed.

Is your daughter even aware of the late invite? If not then she is highly unlikely to be put out herself, so I’d try not to project any of your own misgivings onto her. I know that’s easier said than done as we as parents are wired to be protective but this is a situation that will arise again and again throughout her school going years.

Thanks for the feedback . My daughter is not aware luckily so no worries with that . Yes I think with more time its become clear that I may have thought the worst.

Neyite

My neighbour does that. In fairness, my lad is always in at her house so she kind of includes him in the starting headcount anyway for parties but might forget to text me to let me know. And she does mean not to bother worrying about a gift or anything like that, just to send him over to enjoy it with the rest of them.

ted1

Was it just the kids from her class ?
It may have been a case that they just invited the girls from school.

My kids are very friendly with their cousins , and other kids. But when it comes to parties they like to have one with just school friends and then a different thing for other friends and cousins.

skallywag

I am not really seeing why you would not have just told her that the neighbour is having a party and let her go over? Sure, the notice may not be perfect, but what harm would there have been in just letting her head over and enjoy herself with the others? I have had such situations with my own kids and it has never been an issue.

Kids have a much more simplistic view of things, and tend to just get on with it, which is great.

dreamstar

skallywag wrote: »

Kids have a much more simplistic view of things, and tend to just get on with it, which is great.

So true. I always say it to my husband - everyone should be more like kids! The world would be a simpler place.

skallywag

dreamstar wrote: »

So true. I always say it to my husband - everyone should be more like kids! The world would be a simpler place.

Indeed.

I can definitely see the OP's point of view, and also used to worry and feel bad about my own kids being left out of group etc. for something. As time moves on though I really start to notice that the problem here tends to be 95% with how we as the parents perceive it. E.g. there is a girl who my kids play with who used to be around all the time, then she kind of got with a new crew through school etc, so my own lot were from then on never over at her house any more, as they did not know the new set of friends. My lot stated this all very matter of fact, something along the lines of 'I dont want to play with them, I do not know them, they play different games, etc.'. This made me feel a bit sad, but the kids just took it on the chin and got on with things, before I knew it there were different school kids running my garden (and house :mad:).

The strangest thing of all is that this original girl is now back on the scene the last week or so, guess her other friends are away or something, and they all just get on and play as if nothing happened.

mamabear20

skallywag wrote: »

I am not really seeing why you would not have just told her that the neighbour is having a party and let her go over? Sure, the notice may not be perfect, but what harm would there have been in just letting her head over and enjoy herself with the others? I have had such situations with my own kids and it has never been an issue.

Kids have a much more simplistic view of things, and tend to just get on with it, which is great.

I didnt send my daughter over as she had swimming class at the same time. Not that I was trying to deny her any enjoyment. If I had more notice I could have cancelled the class and would have sent her of course !

Anyway all is sorted now , myself and the neighbour were texting over a different issue and all seems fine.