Have I gotten my answer?

LegacyUser

Hi all, regular user but going on anon for this! I realise by what I'm going to say here that it's probably as obvious as it seems, but I said I'd throw it over to the wised people of PI for some advice.


So basically, I had been seeing this guy for a month or so, we'd gone on a good few dates, always had a laugh and good conversation, I had met his friends and joined them all on a night out where I stayed with the guy I was seeing, and all went well. We both said we really liked each other and when he asked where we go from there, I told him that I'd like to keep seeing him, and he agreed and said he felt the same.


All seemed to be going well, he didn't seem like an f-boy or anything like that, he seemed like a lovely, genuine man and I had a feeling I could maybe see it going somewhere. Fast forward a couple of weeks, I thought I noticed conversation getting less, or me being the one to initiate it more, but I convinced myself that I was overthinking things and to chill out.


Anyway, one particular weekend it definitely felt like I was the one attempting to make conversation with very little effort from him. I decided to not message him for a few days to see if he'd message me or anything, and he didn't. So a few days later, I sent him a quick message just asking if everything was okay, and he said he was just very busy at work and had things going on in life, and needed some space for himself. That's grand, absolutely understandable said I, take all the time you need. He said not for him to get in the way of anything else if it came along and I said I wouldn't, but I wasn't particularly interested in anyone else at the moment and I'm busy enough myself so I wasn't really bothered with looking for anyone else at the moment anyway.


However, since then, I've noticed he's updated his profile on Tinder (it comes up in the "matches" section btw, I'm, not keeping an eye on his profile) and I really don't know what to think? When we talked and he said he needed space, I said I understood and that it'd be different if he was just fcuking me around to which he said he absolutely wasn't, that he would tell me straight out if he wasn't interested, which, knowing what I know of him, he would.


Should I just take that as a sign that he's not interested and should I cut my losses and move on?

woodchuck

Should I just take that as a sign that he's not interested and should I cut my losses and move on?

I'm sorry, but yes.

He said not for him to get in the way of anything else if it came along

What he really means is that he doesn't want YOU to get in the way of anything else (i.e. anyone else) if they come along

I don't mean to be blunt, but I think it's time to let this one go. He's obviously keeping his options open. Don't let yourself be his plan B.

Mortelaro

Yeah OP, this is textbook stuff
Take the steering wheel and move on
His loss,not yours.

Murdoc90

You've got your answer imo. A new 'relationship' or when you're dating someone for that short a period, there should be a buzz. You shouldn't have to be dragging messages out of him. Updating his tinder profile is dodge, Probably stringing you along until something 'better' comes along, in his mind. Cut your losses before you get hurt.

Idle Passerby

gotmyanswer? wrote: »

He said not for him to get in the way of anything else if it came along

Translation: I have no interest in pursuing this, don't wait for me because I'm already back on the lookout myself.

lawred2

Fairly obvious no?

What's an f-boy by the way?

Sephiroth_dude

Forget him, as others have said, don't be his 2nd option.

lawred2 wrote: »

Fairly obvious no?

What's an f-boy by the way?

https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/****boy/

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone, I had figured as much, even though it doesn't exactly make sense to me. Why just not say straight out that you're not interested anymore?


But I guess that's just life, what can ya do.

Murdoc90 wrote: »

Cut your losses before you get hurt.

Hurts a bit already since I actually quite liked him, but I'll get over that. Suppose it would hurt more if it went any further.

lawred2 wrote: »

Fairly obvious no?

What's an f-boy by the way?

Basically a lad who just messes girls around, tells them what they want to hear and doesn't mean a word of it, says one thing and does the exact opposite.

Jurgen Klopp

Sorry OP but if I wanted a relationship with a girl I met online I wouldn't be updating my profile especially after seeing so much of each other

AckwelFoley

You seem like a decent person and i bet if someone else posted this you would know the obvious answer, unfortunately with these things you become emotionally invested in it and cant quite see the wood from the trees.

I think in your heart of hearts you already know the answer.

He isn't interested, and hasn't the bollocks to actually be direct with you and end it.

Lily_Aldrin7

I have to agree, it’s time to move on.
I don’t understand why is it so difficult for a guy to just say he’s not into you

Skibunny77

Honestly as one of my closest friends told me once, most men would rather rip off their own arm than simply say 'I've enjoyed getting to know you but I would just prefer to leave things be, I dont see this getting serious for me, etc. This guy hasn't come out to say it but he has shown you through his actions (withdrawal from communication, updating Tinder). In my single days, after that conversation with my pal, if a guy didn't respond or was vague, I literally just imagined he had told me he wasn't interested. Sounds weird but it worked for me, i just read signals as communication and got on with things - doesn't mean it didn't sting but I stopped wasting time on guys who just weren't that into me!

Sorry about that

I agree with the other posters op. Also, do yourself a favour and don't contact him in any way. You might be tempted, to be sure, or to ask him why he didn't just tell you he wasn't interested, but don't. Just leave it. Delete his number.

wylo

gotmyanswer? wrote: »

Thanks everyone, I had figured as much, even though it doesn't exactly make sense to me. Why just not say straight out that you're not interested anymore?

Might seem like you're missing alot now but if he doesnt have the balls to just cut it off normally after what seemed like something fruitful then no doubt there'll always be crap like this going on if ye continued and your head would be wrecked.


As its only been a few weeks the only thing you need to get over is the buzz that you felt.

Basically a lad who just messes girls around, tells them what they want to hear and doesn't mean a word of it, says one thing and does the exact opposite.

He sounds more like a coward rather than a f-boy.

achmairt

He's too cowardly to come out straight and tell you he's not into you. Don't msg him anymore and move on. He's not worth it. Next time you meet someone you fancy keep him guessing and value yourself more. Men love the chase - women should understand that If they get it too easily they don't value it and just move on. It's nothing to do with you - it's the nature of the beast.

amdublin

Take control yourself.

Saw this article earlier this week and thought it gave good advice

https://www.rte.ie/lifestyle/living/2020/0213/1114998-what-is-ethical-dating/

SozBbz

Firstly OP - no man who is actually interested in a woman will ever tell her to keep her options open to other men. Never, it just doesn't happen. If a man tells you this, he is really telling you he is not interested albeit in a very cowardly and indirect manner.

Secondly - I've had 3 long term relationships in my life. One common theme is that none of them began in a messy fashion. Once you have that click or connection with someone, when its right it just falls into place. Thats not to say relationships can't fall apart down the line, but if theres anything really there between two people, the start should be plain sailing.

Learn to recognise the signs OP. I know its hard and we want to be optimistic that things will work out, but you're actually only prolonging your own agony by pretending theres a benign interpretation of his behaviour and that it might all work out.

Lotus Flower

SozBbz wrote: »

Firstly OP - no man who is actually interested in a woman will ever tell her to keep her options open to other men. Never, it just doesn't happen. If a man tells you this, he is really telling you he is not interested albeit in a very cowardly and indirect manner.

+1 to all of this post but especially this. If he's happy for you to go off with others, he's just not interested