Not sure if I like him or not?

LegacyUser

I was in a 10 year relationship from age 16 to 26. I had been single for the past 2 and a half years and only started dating a few months ago. I feel with pretty much always being in a relationship, I have no experience. I am 29 now and have been seeing a guy for around 3 months. I was not initally attracted to him physically but conversation on the first date flowed well and he seemed very nice. I felt more after the 2nd date so decided to keep seeing him.

I like him and do enjoy spending time with him, but I am just so unsure if I like him romantically or not? I feel happy after I see him and want to see him again, but I can't help feeling like I am pushing it and trying to convince myself I like him that way.

Do I need to give it more time?

Jurgen Klopp

Look let's cut to the chase are you mad to ride him?

I'm being serious if you haven't developed a sexual attraction it's not fair on him

Dial Hard

Jurgen Klopp wrote: »

Look let's cut to the chase are you mad to ride him?

I'm being serious if you haven't developed a sexual attraction it's not fair on him

Pretty much this, OP. If you don't want to rip his clothes off at this stage then there's your answer - you don't fancy him, you're just enjoying the company.

Xterminator

100% disagree with the above posters.

You have little or no experience in relationships. You haven't tried different kinds of attraction, partners etc. As long as you are happy in the relationship, explore it, and see where it goes,

The other party is an adult and as long as you don't deceive him as to your feelings or future plans, allow him the respect to decide whats best for him, romantically.

If at the end he isnt the one, well and good. How are you meant to know what kind of relationship you want if you don't experience the different sides of love?

Jimmy Bottlehead

Xterminator wrote: »

100% disagree with the above posters.

You have little or no experience in relationships. You haven't tried different kinds of attraction, partners etc. As long as you are happy in the relationship, explore it, and see where it goes,

The other party is an adult and as long as you don't deceive him as to your feelings or future plans, allow him the respect to decide whats best for him, romantically.

If at the end he isnt the one, well and good. How are you meant to know what kind of relationship you want if you don't experience the different sides of love?

Different sides? There's lust and there's love. And ideally, it works when there's both.

joeguevara

If you are asking a question on whether you like him or not after 3 months, then you don't like him. (in a romantic way)

Sleepy

Let's be honest OP, at 29, you don't have years to waste seeing if physical attraction will "grow in time" if you want to have kids. If you're not attracted to him physically, end it now. Biology can be cruel. There are women who have little trouble conceiving and carrying healthy children to term in their 40s (and no doubt a few of them will be along to abuse me for pointing out reality here in a minute) but they're outliers and certainly in my experience, most of the women I know who became mothers later in life either had to undergo the emotional roller-coaster of IVF or suffered a couple of heartbreaking miscarriages along the way. There's nothing inherently "wrong" with choosing that path (unless one considers the heightened risk of having a child with a birth defects in geriatric pregnancies to be morally questionable) but it's certainly the harder path to travel in life.

If you're not wanting to drag him into bed at every available opportunity 3 months in and stay in this relationship where do you see it ending?

A three bed semi in suburbia, a couple of kids and a sexless marriage in your mid-thirties? You'll be divorced by 50.
Giving it a couple of years only to realise that you "love him but aren't in love with him" and finding yourself now in your early thirties with even less time to find "the one" to settle down and have kids with?
Learning to find him attractive and ending up happily married? Sadly, I think this starry eyed view of the world is incredibly common and the main reason we see so many "dead bedroom" posts on this forum.

Xterminator

Ah, the "your ovaries are withering" argument!

NOICE /s

I mean OP didn't even mention having children! As as my own father found love in his 60's age really isn't the barrier you suppose to happiness.

Batgurl

Xterminator wrote: »

Ah, the "your ovaries are withering" argument!

NOICE /s

I mean OP didn't even mention having children! As as my own father found love in his 60's age really isn't the barrier you suppose to happiness.

Lol. Sleepy, here is that guy you were expecting!

People can find love at any age, you are correct. And men can have kids at any age, luckily for them.

Sleepy is merely pointing out a scientific fact that many men don’t understand and some women hate to admit. If a woman wants kids, she should be aware of her biological limitations.

Statistically, more women WANT a child than don't. If it’s a consideration for the OP, then time is a factor. I’m not saying at 29 it’s a hugely important factor but it’s not so minute as to be discounted. Basically, she can spend time figuring out if she likes this guy. Or she can date other guys to see if she likes them more/less. At 29, she should probably play the field a bit and find out the range of her emotions. But at the end of the day, if she wants kids, there is a finish line and she needs to have an idea if she’s running a sprint or a long distance marathon.

Dog day

joeguevara wrote: »

If you are asking a question on whether you like him or not after 3 months, then you don't like him. (in a romantic way)

Seconding this OP, if you have to ask the question....you have your answer.

osarusan

The long relationship from an early age has probably left you a bit blind as to how long it takes you to realise you like somebody or not, or even what you want from the other person in a relationship.

You're 29, still time left to 'give it more time', and not every attraction is instant, some build up.

But you also need to work out what you are looking for, what you need to see/feel evidence of after giving it more time.

MiliMe

My husband and i were friends for years before we felt the need to jump each others bones.
Not saying that in your situation OP you should wait to see if that will happen, but it CAN happen.
Do you know how he feels about you?

joeguevara

MiliMe wrote: »

My husband and i were friends for years before we felt the need to jump each others bones.
Not saying that in your situation OP you should wait to see if that will happen, but it CAN happen.
Do you know how he feels about you?

Being friends is different than going out with someone but at the same time wondering if you like them.

Honeydew3456

Xterminator wrote: »

100% disagree with the above posters.

You have little or no experience in relationships. You haven't tried different kinds of attraction, partners etc. As long as you are happy in the relationship, explore it, and see where it goes,

100% disagree. After come out of a similar and longer LTR I knew straight away who I wanted to jump or not!

IMO as women sometimes we can be very kind, soft and polite and there can be an obligation to guys that we like but only like. It's obvs you are not into him. Move on and NEXT! explore what makes you tick and have fun minus any perceived obligation. That's just draining!

achmairt

If you really fancied him you would just KNOW. I once spent two years in your position until eventually I couldn't stand the sight of him. Don't waste any more time wondering if you fancy him. You really don't.