How do you get through anniversaries?

DavyD_83

8 years in and I still have no idea how to get through the day in a way that helps our at least doesn't hurt as much.

I still just try to act normal, go to work etc, but whole day is just spent trying to hold it together.

I never explain it to anybody in work, cos I feel like I'd be looking for sympathy or something. Can't be sure if it's even noticed, but I feel like I have a sign on my head that "something is wrong"

What do you guys do? Any tips?
Do you wallow in it, pretend it isn't happening, do something nice to try balance it up?

Or is everybody as lost as I am?

I don't expect a magic answer, but maybe talking will be what gets me through...

banie01

Hey Davy, hope you're doing ok.

I'm almost 13yrs on from the loss of my wife and 5 from my mother and they would both have been the most significant people in my own life.

I've come to the belief that the anniversaries aren't for me to wallow.
They are a day when other people remember the loss and remember that I was bereaved, if that makes any sense?

I miss them every day, the anniversaries don't look any larger than any other day for me.
It is just another day without them.

I do love the fact, that particularly with my wife people still take the time to drop me a message and share stories with our son and I of some of the crazy things she/we did.
Same with my Mam's really.

There are days still, even now where grief and sadness blindside me and I spend a while hidden away in tears.

The day I was without my wife, longer than I was with her was extremely hard but it's a date that no-one but me knew.
Today, today is kinda tough too.
Our son is coming home from a trip to the UN in Geneva, a huge deal and his stepmam and I are at school to pick him up...

It's one of those "it should be her" moments.

w/s/p/c/

I am going through one today, my Dad passed away 13 years ago.

It's his first anniversary since my Mam passed away last year. Difficult day thinking of them both, but trying to be upbeat and remember the good times.

I found with my Dad that things get easier and time is a healer. I hope that I will feel the same regarding my Mam and I have been finding things really difficult over the last few months (she died suddenly on us), the grieving process has really overcome me at times. I won't get a chance to visit them today, but will go out for a chat over the weekend, as strange as it sounds it always helps to let them know whats going on.

Op - no harm in wallowing, I do it all the time but I try not to stay there as hard and as painful as it feels. You are right to do something nice for yourself, always helps. I always find talking about the person helps too, sharing a story with a friend or loved one about them. All the best.

whomitconcerns

It never gets any easier, all you can do is try and deal with it in the way that works for you. In my case the rest of the family try to be around that weekend of the anniversary, not to dwell and be sad but to do something together and just try stay on top of things. It's all you can do